The weekend

The school is buying the teachers new desk chairs.  (I declined because I brought a desk chair from home and I like it better.  They said I could pick an equivalently priced item for my classroom!)

In response to the email about the chairs, our school's computer tech sent this:

We do sit sometimes but we also don't sit a lot.

And I'm glad.  Sitting a lot is the worst.

Friday was a tough day at school.  I talked to Adam on his way home from work and got my tears out and then we went and got his car washed and I didn't even complain about him vacuuming it.  I hate vacuuming cars.  Even when he's the one doing it.  It's cold for one thing.

Then we went to dinner and an evening with Adam restores me even after tough days at school.

Saturday we took a very quick trip to Nevada.  We took Nola with us to advise us on an upcoming project that we're planning for.  We ate lunch at Olivia's and it was so fun to see my parents and sisters and Robert and some nephews and Carolina.  I told her she was my favorite niece since none of the others were there. She said, "I want to hear you say that when everyone is here."

I said, "..."

We had a lovely short trip though.  Any time I get to go to the heart of the golden west is OK with me.  (When you know, you know.)

Sunday, in a rare turn of events, Adam came to church with me.  Every Sunday he needs to be at the stake center at 7:00 AM and I'm never sure when I'll see him.  When I pulled into our church building, I saw him walking in and it felt like a gift.

That afternoon we went to a park in American Fork for a little walk and to enjoy the sunshine.  It was chilly sunshine though, so we didn't stay too long.  We talked to our boys and Anna (Emma wasn't feeling well + was sleeping).

We ate soup and biscuits and watched All Creatures Great and Small and it was a perfect and restful evening.

It made me ready for the week ahead.

Grateful Friday

Yesterday felt kind of heavy at school.  There are all the things and then add to that preparing for Parent Teacher Conferences next week and that is a Whole Thing.

Then after school, I was meeting with my team and we heard about three occurrences with our students ranging from concerning to tragic.  

I would much rather my students had easy breezy lives, but I was grateful for the reminder that they are just little kids.  And some of them have tremendous burdens to carry.  Remembering that makes the daily slog feel less onerous.  It propels me forward to create the best possible day I can for them, every day. 

I fall short, but I keep trying.

And sometimes things are pretty good.

We had a little time while the overhead projector was warming up yesterday morning so I read them some jokes from the joke book I got from my mom for a bingo prize when I wasn't even there to play bingo.

They love them. They said, "Read us one your kids would think was funny."  They've only met Mark but they still know I have awesome kids. (I wonder who told them....)

Then they told me jokes.  A few of them were nonsensical, but some were sort of funny.

"Twenty kids jumped into a pool but 24 heads popped up.  Why?"

(Twenty foreheads....)

I showed my girl the Josefina books that I brought that were Emma's.  If I could have bottled up that smile, the sheer wattage would have kept the school lit for a week.

If all I do in life is provide books to kids who don't have books at home, I will have done something.

Here's another thing to be grateful about:  two nights ago Adam and I troubleshooted the washing machine which was leaking.  We cleaned it up and drained it and did everything two people that have no idea what to do about a leaking washing machine would do.

And guess what?

I did a load of laundry last night and it didn't leak!

We're pretty much a big deal....

These are the days

 ...of loving my school.

Yesterday we had a meeting after school to discuss decisions the school board was making.  We weren't that happy about it and Jami told us that the school board had reversed their decision.  So then we felt better!  He also wanted to read us a note his daughter had written him.  He said, "I can't read it or I'll cry."  Courtney said she would read it.  It was so very sweet.  And if you want to make a roomful of elementary teachers tear up, read them a supportive note from a sixth grader who loves her dad.  Those are my people and I'm proud to be in their ranks.

...of loving my team.

When I was home sick, I texted Janelle and Miriam several times for help.  They printed my sub plans and made copies and relayed information.  This was our text conversation that night:

And I love them, but I am not wearing a Power Rangers costume.  Sorry ladies.

...of hating to miss school. 

It took me a good hour to wrangle them back into good behavior.  I could tell they were naughty when I was gone.  They were like those little bouncy balls careening off the wall and it took all my energy to settle them.  One of them said, "I hate having a sub."  For one thing, he hates everything and tells me all day every day.  For another thing, I agreed with him.

...of checking my trapline.  

It's not an actual trapline, but I like calling it that.  I have a bunch of terra cotta plant stakes with glass bottles in them that water my plants.  The plants have never been happier.  I walk around every day or so and see if I need to refill the bottles.  I stick my finger in the dirt to check the moisture level.  Some of the bottles drain fast and the soil gets too wet so I don't refill the bottles as often.  Some the bottles drain fast and the soil dries up too.  Some of the bottles drain really slowly.  What makes the difference?  Is it the soil?  The pots?  The plants?  Where they are located? I don't know.  But I like checking my trapline.

...of needing to raid Emma's books.

I have a student whose dad is from Guatemala and mom is from Mexico.  She is making huge strides in her reading and I need to keep her in books.  In the library I was trying to tempt her with different choices.  I asked her if she had read American Girl books.  She hadn't.  Back in the classroom, I pulled out the American Girl books I have.  She wanted the Josefina book, but I didn't have the entire series.  I went on a hunt in Emma's room (I asked her first and she was all for it).  It took a little excavation but I found these in a box in her closet:

Kids need to see themselves in books.  

...of loving my Spanish speakers.

They are such smart lovely children.  I have never had a better interpreter than I have this year.  He's a whiz.  He can seamlessly switch between languages and is super willing to do so.  One of them wrote this on the board.

It made me laugh because they use kids' shows like Dora the Explorer to taunt each other. They fancy themselves much too old and sophisticated for Nick Jr. 

...of Wordle.

Every day we text each other our scores.  

...of Adam.

Last night he cast his phone on the TV to show me the finer features of the carseat and stroller he has picked out.  There was a cute baby modeling it but I told him I thought our granddaughter would probably be even cuter.  We puzzled over colors:  iron, slate, pewter.  They all seemed the same.  We marveled at how easy it seemed compared to the carseats and strollers we had.  I said, "They won't even know how good they have it."

But I think that is a great thing.

I asked Adam if it was going to be tall enough for Braeden and since he was in stroller salesman mode, he said, "I'm glad you asked," and he showed me the specs on that.

He's definitely my favorite weirdo.  Later last night we were talking about forms of the word contusion.  I insisted there was a past tense.  He said you can't have a past tense of a noun.  Like, what's the past tense of apple?  It was all cracking us up so much coming up with past tense versions of contusion:  contaught? done contuded?

It's the kind of thing that no one else will ever think is as funny as we did.

But I think that is kind of a great thing too.

Just sick

Don't you miss the days of just being able to be sick and not second guessing every sniffle to within an inch of its life?

I have friends at school that are SUPER worried about getting Covid and I have students who have had Covid cause havoc and devastation in their lives.

I don't want to give anyone Covid.

So yesterday, when I woke up with a killer headache and feeling super nauseous, I considered that those were Covid symptoms (because everything is a Covid symptom....).

I wrote some hasty sub plans and let them know I wouldn't be there.  It was a terrible day to miss.  For one thing, we were having a lockdown drill and those are terrible and stressful for the students (and me) and I wasn't there to tell them whispered stories like I usually do when we have to hide in the dark and I want to distract them (and me).

Ugh.

I debated about getting the test because I felt really awful and didn't feel like waiting in line and also, the governor here encouraged us to not get tested if we are sick, but just to assume we had Covid because our test supplies were low.

I thought about it back and forth.  I ultimately decided to get tested.  To assume I had it and needed a sub for the rest of the week would put a big burden on the already stretched very thin school.  

There was one car ahead of me in line, which was an amazing contrast to what it's been.  

I got a negative test.  I think I just had a bad migraine.  Maybe someday I can just be sick and not go through the second guessing.  Hopefully someday soon.

Family FaceTime

 Sunday afternoon, Adam and I took a drive to check on the progress of the Saratoga Springs and Orem temples.  I think they can manage building them without our oversight, but we like to go take a look.  While we were out and about, we had our family FaceTime call.

Everyone's a little blurry and mid expressions, but it's always a happy time.  As you can see, Emma and Mark were showing off their new lights in their rooms.   We all talk over each other and laugh a lot. Also, everyone makes fun of me for only showing my forehead at times like that but it's tiresome to keep my phone held so my face is perfectly framed.  Adam was driving but occasionally I would point the phone his way and he would say, "You're pointing it at the ceiling."

I think the takeaway is that I won't ever have a career as a cameraman.

Emma is planning a trip to California to see Braeden and Anna.  Braeden said, "We'll talk to you more when we get off the phone with everyone, Emma."

I said, "You guys go ahead and go and I want to talk to Mark more."

Braeden and Mark instantly got nervous looks on their faces.  "What?"  I said.  "You're not in trouble.  I just want to talk to you."

Braeden texted me this:

And Mark texted me this:

I said, "But I'm the nicest person in the world."

Emma isn't afraid of me at all.  I don't know if that is better or worse.

(A little healthy fear in sons isn't terrible.)

Rejuvenating

After school on Friday I felt very tired and run down.  My throat was sore.  Did I have Covid?  It's always the question when I feel sick and it's the question I'm so tired of wondering about.

I felt better Saturday; I was still tired but generally I felt better.  I considered I would go ahead and go to the stake conference meetings we had.  I would wear a mask and stay away from other people.

I was sitting in a chair, mustering the courage to get out of the chair and Adam said, "You look exhausted. Why don't you stay home and watch the meetings?"  (They were being broadcast.)  Then he said, "You won't get any bonus points for going."

I had been looking forward to bonus points, but I agreed with him and I stayed home.  Adam was gone most of the day, assisting the stake presidency in his steady and helpful way.  

There was a leadership breakout session for Relief Society and Elders Quorum presidencies.  Adam told me there were five different leadership breakout sessions streaming at the same time.  He said it was like the opening Thursday of March Madness.  I don't exactly know what that means, but it sounds like a busy time. 

A member of the stake presidency, both patriarchs in our stake and the mission president and his wife spoke to us.  It was such a wonderful meeting!  I went in our bedroom and turned on the fireplace and snuggled under a blanket with my laptop and watched the meeting.  I felt warm inside and out.

The patriarch who gave Mark his blessing talked about the overwhelming feeling he hadn't expected that he has every time he gives individuals a blessing.  He said that he is astounded by the love Heavenly Father has for them and that none of us truly understand who we are.

He quoted President Boyd K. Packer from a conference talk he gave in 1989.  It was the second time this week that I'd heard it quoted.

You are a child of God. He is the father of your spirit. Spiritually you are of noble birth, the offspring of the King of Heaven. Fix that truth in your mind and hold to it. However many generations in your mortal ancestry, no matter what race or people you represent, the pedigree of your spirit can be written on a single line. You are a child of God!

It made me consider the sacred experience of being there for each of our children's patriarchal blessings.  It was a glimpse into their potential and pedigree as a child of God.  What a blessing for parents to be able to feel that.

For the evening adult session, I also watched from home.  All the talks were so good!  People who have been through serious trials spoke with conviction about their trust in God and the comfort they get from keeping their covenants.

Sunday morning Adam had to go to the church bright and early but our ward was invited to watch online so I was home again.  It was two more hours of goodness.  Tito Santamaria, who is a good good man in our ward was one of the speakers.  He grew up in Chile and I've never met anyone who has more gratitude.  He loves his family and our ward and Pleasant Grove and Utah and America.  He said that he loves living here in Pleasant Grove, the capitol of Utah. (He's also funny.)

It is a pretty pleasant grove.  And I felt so much better by Sunday afternoon that I even cleaned the kitchen.  

Grateful Friday

Yesterday was all the things.  All the normal 3rd grade things.  One girl wanted to draw instead of Lexia, I said, "No."  

She said, "I'll just keep saying please until you let me."  

I said, "OK.  Just do it softly."

So she did.  It was almost imperceptible, but she kept this chorus of "please please please" until she eventually gave up.

A student attempted to spit out the cheese he was eating into the garbage because "it wasn't good."  He missed.  Guess what also isn't good?  Chewed up cheese all over the wall and floor of my classroom.

Another teacher emailed me that 3rd grade girls were yelling at each other and throwing toilet paper at each other in the bathroom.

Man.

After school, I was sitting at my desk and going over some test scores and feeling a little downtrodden by those who didn't do as well as I'd hoped.

I felt a little (or a lot) anxious about Covid and our ability to stay in school.

There was a knock on the window behind me.

I turned around and there were two smiling girls.  One of my students this year and one from last year.  They waved enthusiastically, yelling, "Hi Mrs. Davis!"

It's worth it.  I'm grateful for so many reminders that it is worth it.

These are the days

...of anxiety.  I know so many people with Covid.  I hope they all recover quickly.

...of being a teacher.  Some of them forgot how to be students.  Some of them acted like overtired toddlers yesterday.  Some of them were downright gleeful about getting back to listening to Stuart Little.

...of trying to teach writing.  To third graders.  It is so hard and so exhilarating all at once.  When they get an idea, their eyes shine.  When they stubbornly refuse to get an idea, there we are.  Stuck.  Then there's the spelling and punctuation.  Don't get me started on the capitalization.  It's a jungle out there.

...of lists.  So many lists.  Always.  It is always the days of lists.

...of weaving all the charging cords back into the computer carts.  Soulless tedious work.  Janelle and I tag teamed and helped each other, one on either side of the cart.  That made it easier.  She said, "I hope we don't have to do this all over again.

...of observing the floor at the end of the day and thinking, "Why does it look like we made paper snowflakes today?"  The mess is astounding sometimes.

...of teaching in uncertain and fraught times.  Masks, no masks, vaccinations, no vaccinations.  Surge.  Peak. Illness.

Just make it stop.

Sigh

Yesterday started with some sad news that my uncle Ray had passed away.  I will always remember him for his good cheer and kindness.  He had a lot of pizzazz, always.  He will be missed.   I had lots (and lots) of family texts about Ray and about everyone's health and I was distracted and fidgety all day.

I went to the school for several hours.  I met with my team and corresponded with parents and came home still distracted and fidgety.

I asked Nola if she wanted to take a walk.  She was leaving for Costco, but invited me to come.

That's sort of a walk.

I came home and had a three hour long telephone conversation with Janet.  (I zipped through laundry, dishes and meal prep with Janet in my earbuds.) We hadn't talked since August and it was restorative to my soul.  Adam got home while I was still on the phone and after I got off, he said, "I haven't heard you laugh like that for a long time."

It was Janet.

I miss that girl.

I was immensely cheered by the conversation, then a reminder (it happens often) of my folly came crashing down.

Before Liberty's wedding, I lost my temple recommend.  I had my old recommend, it said it expired in 2021 on it, but I didn't have my new one.  I thought I must have accidentally thrown it away before folding it up and putting it in the little plastic case.  I was so frustrated at myself for losing it and I felt like it was a moral failing that I didn't keep better track of something I value.

I tore my office apart looking for it.  I tore my closet apart and I looked in every drawer, even the ones that didn't make sense.  It was gone.

Slowed down by my Covid scare, I just had the final interview last night.  I went to the stake center and carefully brought home the new recommend.  I immediately went to put it in the little case and stow it for safe keeping.  I was not losing another recommend!

On closer inspection, my recommend was issued in 2021, not expired in 2021.  Furthermore, I have used that new one, but I just forgot.

I felt so dumb!

What can you do?  I guess just keep trying....

Weekend

We had a nice weekend and I am happy to report that we are going back to in person school tomorrow.  I'm also very grateful that I don't have to make those kinds of decisions.  

We talked to Geri last night and she was telling us that there, kids who are exposed to Covid have to quarantine at home--the entire class--and can't come back until they have a negative test and tests are really hard to come by.

Alpine School district handles it completely differently.  Our students are in school much more. We are trudging along, despite high numbers of Covid cases.  I guess we are exchanging more education for less safety.

Who is right?

I have no idea.

I think anyone who has to make those decisions deserves our understanding and grace.  I'm glad it's not me!

We considered going somewhere like Moab during the long weekend, but it wasn't very warm there so we decided not to go.  On something of a whim, we did decide to go to Nevada on Sunday afternoon.  Olivia and Edgar had their Expedition break down and don't have a car that will fit everyone.  We offered to let them borrow our van, but Olivia said no.

I said it may take awhile to get the parts, etc. to get their car fixed.

She said maybe.  If that was the case maybe they would borrow it.

We decided we had time and it was a good time for us to take the van to them.  We talked to Mark on the phone while we were driving (a three-way call).  He said it was good to let the van stretch its legs and that's true.  The poor thing doesn't get driven much and it deserved an outing.

We had a nice time visiting with everyone Sunday evening and Monday too.  I took a walk with my sisters and Robert and Carolina, and Adam went on an adventure with my dad.  It involved getting stuck in the snow, sliding down a steep hill, a backhoe, and Adam losing a belt loop on his pants.  He said it was his price of admission for the adventure.

Unfortunately all three of my vaccinated brothers have Covid.  I hate that.  For one thing, I want the world to make sense and vaccinations to be an impenetrable armor and for another thing, I hate that they're sick. I am praying they are all better soon--and text lecturing them to take it easy and rest.

Last night when Adam and I were driving home, we were later than expected but didn't have anyone waiting for us at home so it was fine.  I said, "Let's call Mark."

Adam said, "We just talked to him yesterday."

I said, "That doesn't mean we don't miss him."

Adam agreed.

Baby steps to an empty nest.

Grateful Friday

We had a 7:30 emergency faculty meeting.  When I got there at 7:00 AM, the parking lot was nearly full.  I work in a school where the teachers love of teaching is only eclipsed by their love of their students and I can't get over it.  It is such a nice place to work.

Jami brought donuts to the meeting.  I brought anxiety.  We all make our contribution.

I had lots of questions.  Lots.  Including but not limited to: "But how are we supposed to do all of that and also teach?"

We were supposed to be in communication with parents and have them sign up to borrow Chromebooks if needed.  We were supposed to inventory the Chromebook before we sent them home, filling out a spreadsheet.  We were supposed to have meaningful online lessons prepared.  I wanted to figure out specific things for my English learners who couldn't do much with the other stuff I was preparing.  What about the special ed kids?  I wanted to send home a packet of worksheets for the class.  In all of my free time.  You know, when I was...teaching.  (I had outlined the plan for the packets beings sent home between 1:30 and 3:30 AM when I couldn't sleep.)

Jami took all my questions with aplomb like he does.  Preston, a fifth grader teacher at a nearby table leaned over and told me, "I'm glad it's not just me."

Janelle whispered, "We all have these questions, you are just the one asking them."

Jami said that at 2:00 AM, he realized we also need to send home computer chargers.  He said, "You'll have to unhook them from the carts."  (It must be said, that is a PAIN.  Ask me how I know.)

Lauren, a first grade teacher, said, "I was thinking about chargers in the middle of the night too!"

What it comes down to is that we could have had the meeting a lot earlier than 7:30 AM.  We were all awake.

Throughout the day, I had half a dozen aides ask me if I needed help with anything.  I had Nola and Lori helping me assemble packets and I got my students busy doing computer work and I drafted assignments and letters home and tried to quiet the caffeinated squirrel in my brain long enough to process information because there were a zillion emails coming in.

Kate came and offered to help me inventory Chromebooks.  Both instructional coaches checked in with me multiple times.  Courtney stopped by several times.  I was in pretty steady communication with the office.  They called me: This parent stopped by for a Chromebook.  I heard from that parent.  I walked down there with questions and stuff to be delivered and to confess my sin of sending home a Chromebook before I had copied down the serial number.  (In my defense, a dad stopped by right when I was teaching and distracted.)  After school when I walked in the office, Jami said, "Thelma the pre-crastinator!  Did you get it all done?"

I said, "Yes I did!"

He also stopped by my classroom late in the day, when I was about ready to head home.  "Is everything OK?  Do you need anything?"

That is what everyone wanted to know, all day long.  It was all hands on deck and they are some very good hands.  And also, we did it!  The packets and the Chromebooks went home.  My students told me they'd miss me.  They asked how long until they saw me again.  I could tell they were kind of sad, but also pretty happy about it.  They left love notes on the board:

Here's a close up that made me feel understood!

I say this a lot and it is truer than true.  I am grateful to work at such a good school.  I am grateful for the empowering feeling of all working together in the cause of children who often don't reciprocate with good behavior, but we do it anyway. 

I am grateful to be the one who hears the story of a harrowing bike ride.  I'm grateful to be the one to tie the shoes and apply the bandaids.  I'm grateful to lead them in rousing versions of Happy Birthday.  I'm grateful for the looks on their faces when I read them a story and they love it.  

It is hard and sometimes thankless and often wonderful.

Paging Polyanna

Well.  It happened.  Our Covid cases are sky high in Utah, so I guess it was inevitable.  We are going (briefly) online for two days, while they sanitize all the schools.  

It gives me this eerie deja vu/PTSD from the last time we entered online school.  That was short term too--at first.  Ugh.  I want to be a teacher.  In a classroom. With actual children.  It breaks my heart to think of the strain this places on already strained families.  It breaks my heart to think of my students who are already behind, getting further behind.

Maybe it will only be for two days.  Maybe/hopefully/please.  I don't envy anyone who has to make Covid decisions.  They feel impossible.  

I will try my best.  I will try to do my part.  I will try to have a positive attitude about all this.

Except ugh.

Where's Polyanna when you need her?

Matriarchs

I remember one night in Connecticut.  Adam and Braeden were sleeping and Emma and I were not.  She was a newborn bundle of pink goodness...but not sleeping.

I was sitting in our rocking chair, rocking her.  Her tiny fingers were wrapped around one of my fingers.  As I sat there in the dim light, looking down at our hands, I thought about my mother, rocking her babies in other dim light.  I thought about both my grandmothers and their mothers, in different rocking chairs, in other dim light, on and on up the family tree. I felt linked to them in this common work of nurturing babies.  I considered that maybe someday Emma would be rocking her own baby.

I am grateful for my matriarchs.  They are noble women who loved their children well.

Yesterday, for Braeden's birthday, both my mom and grandma called me because they were trying to track Braeden down.  (He was in class...I too had been trying to track him down.)  My mom, Geri, and my grandmas showed me how to be a grandma.  They love their grandchildren well.

In the brief conversation I had with my grandma last night, she thanked me again for the Christmas gift.  Then she mentioned the past several Christmas presents I've given her and thanked me for each one.  If there's something I can guarantee in this world, it is that my grandma loves me.

My grandma Dahl loves me too.  She showed her love in kind words, showing up and making things for me. If I ever made a statement, she'd remark emphatically, agreeably, "Well, I'll say!"  Is there anything nicer?  My children are also assured of their grandmothers' love.  That, in turn, makes me feel loved.

So much love.

Where does it stop? 

It doesn't.

When Liberty and Nikki were married, when they were looking into the mirrors in the celestial room, I considered my granddaughter.  I considered generations extending on both sides.  How can I hold so much love?

I can't.

It leaks out my eyes.

I'm grateful for my matriarchs.  They hold the line.  They rock the babies and make the quilts and place the phone calls and give the compliments.  They've shown me how to grandmother.

I hope I can measure up.

Now, pardon me while I post excessive pictures....

Geri leading the charge of whitewater rafting

 This picture kind of makes me laugh because my grandma and I both look so unhappy.  We weren't.  Adam just looks handsome and SO YOUNG!

Pikkujoulu

Grandkids night

My mom's summer party

A fake snowstorm at the Vancouver Aquarium

At a scout function honoring Linn

Braeden and me visiting Grandma and Grandpa Dahl

Grandma Jaynes, surrounded by great grandchildren

Grandma and Grandpa Jaynes; Marianne and me

Great Grandma Jaynes, me and a bunch of second cousins

my mom giving us a tour in Nauvoo

the girls, posing where the Relief Society began

my mom, surrounded by granddaughters

On the other hand

My students sat with rapt attention yesterday when I had a globe and was telling them about Columbus arriving at America accidentally.  It was alluded to in what we were reading in literacy.  I said, "You know the story of Columbus, right?"

They all said no.

(Granted the students being tested for accelerated learning were not there, plus I had 6 students absent.)

Still.

I told them all about it and they were simply amazed.  It's moments like that where I would do this job for free.

On the other hand, teaching them how to figure out area on a composite shape is not going well.  At all.  They just start adding and multiplying numbers haphazardly and one girl just writes on her paper.  "I'm tired and don't get this."

I tell her to erase that and keep trying.

***

I have started a new, pretty low key, exercise routine with the aim of not feeling like everything hurts and I'm dying.  I have small expectations.  It is making a difference in my life!  Most days I don't take Advil and it used to be the opposite of that.   I have so many neck and back troubles--shared by my siblings--but it feels like I have a strategy that is working.

On the other hand, I'm not a very good health nut.  When Jamie passed around cookies at the faculty meeting, I took one.

***

After the faculty meeting, I had Jami (the principal) sign my relicensing papers.  He called everyone back to attention and said, "Thelma wins a prize!  She is the first one to be done with her relicensing."

Janelle rolled her eyes and said, "Of course she did.  Thelma is a pre-crastinator."

On the other hand, there was no actual prize and when I went to the website to complete the last step, it said, "Try again later.  This website is down for scheduled maintenance."

I hate that.  Loose ends are a pre-crastinator's kryptonite.

***

I felt a jolt of happiness yesterday when I remembered that it was just Adam and me last night.  Every night is date night!

On the other hand, we both cried on Friday night when we were talking about our kids leaving.  How did it take us so unawares?

Also:  today is Braeden's birthday!  He is 25.  How lucky am I to have 25 years being mother to that stellar boy?  After he was born, Adam and I both noticed the quality of light in our little apartment felt different.  He's been bringing light ever since.  I would love to make him a cake (chocolate, with mint frosting), but I know he will be well celebrated by dear Anna.  Someday soon, when he has children of his own, I hope he understands how we feel about him.  Happy birthday to the bringer of sunshine and joy.

Adam:  teacher of dental hygiene and all good things

Empty Nest

First of all, an update:  I braved the long line and I got a negative test result, which made the long line worth it!  I considered just assuming I had Covid, since I was sick and it is so rampant right now, but I am glad I got tested.  Less complicating.  After I had mono, many years ago, I would feel like I had mono again every time I got sick or run down or tired.  Maybe it's the same with me and Covid.  The difference is that back then, I didn't worry about infecting everyone around me and quarantining/isolating.  I'm grateful for the negative result and I'm also grateful to be feeling better.  By Saturday, I felt pretty much back to normal.

And it was a good thing; Saturday was a doozy.

In the same way that Braeden and Anna moved the same weekend Mark started at Utah State, Emma moved out the same weekend that Mark went back to Utah State after Christmas.

Rip off that bandaid, I guess.

Emma had ordered some things from IKEA and they were available for pickup at the airport, which is kind of strange, but so is everything in this Covid world.  Adam and Emma left in the van to get that stuff and Mark and I stayed behind to join them later.

I talked over with Mark all the things he needed, walking into the mudroom which is also the apothecary of diabetic supplies and pointed to things, saying:  do you need this?  how about this?  this?  I talked to him about how we needed to get a cooler for his insulin.  I reminded him to grab his things from the bathroom, stuff like that.

I went to get ready and he packed up and loaded everything in Adam's car.  We headed out, stopping by the mail to get his sensors that had just arrived.  Keeping track of his stuff is a part time job.

We went to Emma's new apartment.  It is cute!  I was very pleased with the set up and although her roommates weren't home, judging from the things they had hanging on the walls in the common living spaces, they seemed nice.  Adam and Mark built Emma's bed and Emma thanked them over and over and I handed them screws when prompted.  If you need something from IKEA built (or some Legos built) Mark is your guy.  Adam's a pretty experienced hand with an allen wrench too.

We got everything hauled in from the van and then went to MOD in Sugarhouse for lunch.  From there we parted ways with Emma and the three of us headed to Logan.  We had a nice drive and talked about important things like the best rides at Disneyland and how soon was too soon to take our granddaughter to Disneyland.  (Here's the thing:  I don't like any of the scary rides.  She and I can go on Small World for infinity and beyond and I'd be happy.)

When we drove into the Cache Valley and I saw all the snow, I asked, "You brought your boots, right Mark?"

He hadn't.

We took Mark's stuff into his apartment, exchanging greetings with other parents helping to carry stuff into their children's apartments and we hugged Mark and headed home.

"What are we going to do about those boots?" I asked Adam. 

"I don't know.  Mail them?"

I nodded.  

A little into the drive, Adam had me drive because he was tired.  Emma called and was back at our house and couldn't find her dishes.  I said, "Look in the dungeon." (Our fond name for our storage room in the basement that is cold and dark and dungeon-like.)

She said, "I did. They aren't there."

I suggested other spots, but I said, "I really think they are in the dungeon."

Shortly after that, Mark called.  He had forgotten his insulin.  I had given his closet a once over and asked things like, "Do you need those pants?" but I hadn't thought to make sure he had the thing that, you know, keeps him alive.

Adam said, "I usually have a checklist of all that stuff with him."  Adam felt like it was his fault.

I said, "I was the one at home.  I should have made sure."  I felt like it was my fault.

Mark said, "You two shouldn't have to worry about it.  It's my fault."

Regardless of whose fault it was, the fact remained that he needed the insulin.  Adam said, "I'm going to sleep while you drive, then I'll take it to him."

He was already tired so I thought I should be the one to take it.

Adam fell asleep and I drove and considered options.  I decided the best idea (because I really am terrible at staying up late and I get very sleepy when I drive) was for me to take Mark the insulin, then get a hotel room and make it home in time for 11:00 AM church.  It was a good plan.

When we got to PG and I was pulling off the freeway, Adam sleepily said, "You are a very smooth driver.  I didn't know we were this far." (You know Adam is sleepy if he compliments my driving.)

I told him my plan and he said, "No, I'll be fine."

Mark felt really and truly awful.  He had texted both of his siblings for comfort.  Emma said, "When I heard from Mark, I didn't feel so bad about my lost dishes."  Well, that's something.

Braeden texted and wondered just how mad we were at Mark.  We texted back that we weren't mad.  What's the point of that?  Being mad takes energy.

We got home and Adam got on the computer to do church stuff because that's always a part of his life.  Emma was stewing about the fact she couldn't find her kitchen stuff.  We went to the dungeon and I found the box almost immediately.  At school I can find stuff in my students' desks every time.  One of them said, "Teachers can find anything!"  Moms can too.  I'm sort of a (narrowly specific) super hero....

Emma headed out and Adam got ready to head out.  I had packed Mark's insulin in a cooler and I had retrieved the snow boots.

I said, "Whether or not we're ready for our kids to be on their own, are they?"

Adam just shook his head in disbelief about the whole day.

(At least our kids still need us.  There's that.)

Adam made it home at midnight.  He had driven over 8 hours and set up a bed and moved boxes and furniture.  That man is a hero.  I can find stuff in the dungeon, but he is the everything to everyone.

Grateful Friday

Wednesday night, I went on a few Relief Society visits.  We were talking about Covid and our state's rising numbers.  I said, "I have had it + I've been vaccinated + I have had a booster shot.  I don't think I'll get it."

Pride cometh before the fall.

Yesterday I felt fine most of the day.  In the late afternoon--about the time the kids went home--I started feeling a sore throat; I started feeling a little achey.  I thought maybe it was all my students who are sick + the ENORMOUS testing line outside the school + the Covid numbers all conspiring to make me paranoid.

As time passed, I felt worse.  I decided to get a sub for today and play it safe.  I sequestered myself upstairs and wouldn't hug anyone--Mark hugged the back of my head from behind.  Try to tell that kid not to hug you.

I decided if I didn't feel better today, I would brave the testing line.  I debated for about an hour and then I got up and moved around and thought, "I really don't feel well."

So here I go.  I'm going to go get a test.  I'm taking a book to read.  At least then I will know and won't have to second guess my choices.

I would just like the record to state that I am so tired of this pandemic.

But, it's a grateful Friday post, so here's what I'm grateful about:

• I found a sub for my class.  There's a school assembly and Fun Friday so it's not too complicated of a day. They will be fine.
• Adult children are pretty great. They are self sufficient and helpful.  Braeden and Anna called me last night to chat and they cheered me up a lot.
• Adam and Mark gave me a priesthood blessing.  I don't think I'll be very sick.  Just inconvenienced.
• I'm grateful I can get a test.  (I'll be even more grateful if it is negative and I can soldier on.)
• I do have a good book to read.  There's that.

These are the days...

• of a line of cars along the street outside of my school.  It's a line for Covid testing and the site is 4+ blocks away. 
• of Mark being here when I get home from school.  Every day I ask him to drop out of college and stay with me and every day he says no.  (He's nice about it though.)
• of working on getting relicensed.  It's the kind of stuff no one likes to do.  Necessary + no fun.  I am determined to have a better system in place for the next time around.
• of finding vestiges of Christmas around when I thought I'd cleaned it all up.  A stray greeting card here, a ribbon there, an ornament hook.
• of the fact that I have a fireplace in our bedroom the only consolation for getting out of bed on cold dark mornings.  
• of my heated steering wheel being necessary to my happiness.
• of Emma packing up to move.
• of Relief Society visits in the evening to mothers of new babies...I dream of my granddaughter.
• of emails from parents, requesting work for their students who are sick.
• of keeping your head up and just moving forward.

Upswing

Yesterday I got to my classroom and it was a toasty 58 degrees.  Miserable.

Riley, the intrepid head custodian, came in with a temperature gauge he held up and studied closely.  I took that as a sign that maybe something would be done.

After awhile, the heat came on in earnest.  The temperature started rising and I started shedding layers (I had gone prepared).  Soon it arrived at 72 degrees and there it remained.  I texted Fam-a-lam, "Since I left Plumtree, back in Tennessee, it's the first time I've been warm."

It was marvelous.

The seating chart worked better.  I effectively isolated a few problem areas.  

The new student is so far so good.  I know there's a honeymoon period but I will be grateful as long as it lasts.

I picked a book of animal jokes from my mom's bingo prize bins.  It's a hit.  One student had one for me:

What do frogs drink?

Croak-a-cola

Third grade is where I want to be. Besides darling students, I have good friends, a spinning chair and really good pens.  

What's not to love?

Re-entry isn't easy

Yesterday was a hard day at school.  My body felt the stress through the night.  I was restless and had lots of weird dreams including:  I was dying and I got to pick the scented air to have enveloping my casket.  I woke up a lot from the dreams and after that I thought, "That was funny.  I hope I remember that so I can tell Adam."

My new seating chart was a fail.  Every new seating chart is like you're going to the pantry looking for new ingredients but you have the same old stuff and you try it out in a new combination.  Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

Some students were cranky and mostly they were chatty.  When I told one boy to stop talking for the millionth time, he said, "We've been apart for two weeks!  We missed each other."

Well, then, by all means....

My email inbox was flooded by everyone's urgent priorities.

My classroom was 57 degrees when I got there in the morning.  The heat ran all day, trying it's best and then shut off at 4:00 PM like usual.  It only got up to 66.  I still had miles to go and when the heat shut off, it only added to my angst.  Cold. All. Day.

I am getting a new student today.  I spent a long time after school yesterday with the special ed. teacher, poring over a 39 page (!) IEP.  I had to gather all the things and label and figure out who to sit the new student by.  (Hey a new ingredient!)

I rearranged all the seats and tried to tidy up and my car was the last one in the parking lot.  That always depresses me.

When I got home, there was a kind note and a treat on my doorstep from my friend Bonnie.  It made me tear up because she reminded me I wasn't just a flailing teacher.  There are other aspects of my life.

We went to IKEA for furniture shopping and the like for Emma and lots of stuff was out of stock.  The pandemic....just keeps being delightful.

Here's to trying another day.

New Year

When I was a little girl, my mom knew something about me before I knew it about myself:  I don't do well when I stay up late.  I was sort of a nightmare after a slumber party and my mom knew it.  

I don't stay up for New Year's Eve.  No one even expects it at this point.  When planning the evening, they talk about what they'll do "after Mom goes to bed."

I'm not even sorry.

As a result, I'm usually up hours before other people on New Year's Day.  I started hauling boxes up from the basement and I took the decorations off the living room tree.  I snapped a picture because it looked almost as pretty deconstructed as it did whole.

Adam was the first of the revelers to wake up.  He asked what he could do to help.  I said, "Feed me."  Later, I amended that I also needed him to move the heavy stuff.

He did that and also fed me well.  I didn't think we had any food for lunch (no creativity with food) and Adam made me a panini on a ciabatta with pesto, fresh mozzarella and kalamata olives.  He's a wonder.

Emma helped some with the big tree and she sorted candles and candle holders into a new system that isn't chaos and anarchy like it was before.  Then she took a small load to her new apartment that she is moving into.

That makes me happy/sad.  We will be empty nesters for real which seems so surprising but I don't know why.  It's like I ignored everyone around me becoming empty nesters (including my parents) for all those years.  The really great news is that I love being with Adam.  There's no one I'd rather have in my nest.

Mark helped with everything that required a ladder and helped me finish the big tree.  I threw away a handful of ornaments that no one claimed and I thought were kind of ugly (not to be confused with the ornaments I made in elementary school that are truly ugly but I will hang on my tree until my dying day).

While Adam was making a big and delectable chef salad for dinner (which is the perfect antidote for too many treats), I decided it was a good time to repot some of my plants in the kitchen.

What's a little tumult among friends?

Sunday morning was bitterly cold and I turned on the fire in our room and considered that 11:00 church couldn't happen to a nicer girl.

The transom window in my office was sparkling with frost and I was happy to stay inside a while.

I can't be too smug about it though.  I have recess duty today.  I'll just try to remember the new quote I put on my letter board:

It's a gluten-free quote because that's kind of our thing right now.