Grateful Friday

 I think spending the day with my team was just what the doctor ordered.  I love those ladies.

I hadn't slept well (because that is a fun side effect of a terrible day), but they kept me going through a long day of sitting still.  (I heard many teachers say some version of, "It is so hard to sit all day!")

We met at a closed elementary school and during a bathroom break in the pint sized elementary bathroom, I had to take a picture of my tall teammates drying their hands.  So funny!

 

For an object lesson we had to sketch a picture of a cat.  They were amazed by my cat.  (It wasn't that great, I just spent a certain part of my childhood drawing.) Later, when we went to lunch, I drove and I needed Miriam to navigate every turn and tell me which lane to be in.  We were in the actual town that I live, but I needed guidance.

I said, "I am terrible with directions, but I guess I can draw a cat."

Because that's a useful skill I will use every day....

We wrote each other notes on sticky notes and got parent teacher conferences scheduled (with a lot of mutual hand holding--Skyward isn't a friend of ours).  We compared notes on how things were going and I can't imagine teaching third grade without them.  I am very grateful for my dream team.

It's this day, not me, that's bound to go away

 Yesterday was an astonishingly hard day at school.

I cried after school and Miriam hugged me.

I pulled it together and got to work, then I cried the entire drive home two and a half hours later and Adam hugged me.

I'll be OK.

It was just astonishingly hard.  It is really hard to teach school when you don't feel all that great.  It is even harder when you are sort of discombobulated from being gone so much.  It is harder still when your students are extra sassy or trying to get away with things because you've been gone so much.

I know that I could rein them in given a day or two,  but I'm gone today to district training and then I'm gone Monday to CA.  (I'm excited about that one, but it is still hard.)

I had three students who were disrespectful in their reading group with one of the young fresh faced aides.  A boy got his Tamagotchi taken away (I had already told him I would take it away if I saw it out again).

Side note:  are Tamagotchis still a thing?!?  Is this the early 2000s?

He was very concerned about it being taken away and kept asking me about it.  I reiterated that I had told him it would get taken away if he had it out.

He kept asking if I would find out about it.  He wondered if he could go to the office to check if it were there.

I told him his Tamagotchi was not my problem.  At all.

I found a love letter from one student to another.  I approached the sender very gently and called her over privately and said, "I found this."

She very indignantly told me that it was for (the admired boy).  As in, stay in your lane, you weren't the intended audience.

I said, "This isn't OK in third grade."  (It was requesting kissing....)

She looked at me like I owed her money.

I said, "If I find a note like this again, I'll tell your parents."

She said, "Fine!" and went and put her head down on her desk in embarrassment.

In reading we read "Amazing Facts About the Sun." Some of the "amazing facts" were actually advice:  don't spend too much time unprotected in the sun--sun damage can cause skin cancer.  

Then everyone wanted to know if my cancer was caused by the sun.

Try explaining lymph nodes to third graders.....

A girl went to her desk and got a little tube of lotion and smeared it all over her face before I could stop her.  She said, "I don't want skin cancer!"

Before lunch, I said we weren't going to lunch until everyone had finished the assignment.  One girl had yet to start.  She said, "You can't do that.  It's against the law."

I said, "Nevertheless, we aren't going until you are finished."

Another girl timidly asked, "We all aren't going to lunch?"

I said, "No. Not until everyone is finished."

Then everyone collectively was a bit more invested.

The whole day was just exhausting.  

I made it through the day, through the chaos.  After the bell had rung and my class had left, a fifth grade boy knocked on the outside door.

He hugged me (which is what he did daily when he was in third grade).  He looked at me closely.  He said, "My mom said you might be sick."

I said, "Yes.  I have been getting treatments, but I am doing OK."

He said, "Is it an...illness?"

I said, "I have a type of cancer, but I'm OK.  I'm getting better."

He looked at me like he wanted to say more, but didn't know what to say.  I said, "Everything is OK."

He said, "OK."  He gave me another hug.

That's when I closed the door and cried.  (Usually when someone is kind to me, that is when the dam bursts.)

They can be so very maddening and they are.  They can take advantage of subs and young fresh faced aides.  They can do all the things I tell them not to do over and over and over.

But really, they are just the sweetest kids.  I love my job. This is hard, but as Tabor would say, "I hired on to be tough."

I will have my cry, dry my tears and try try again.

Yesterday

 I spent some time on school stuff.  I was making some google slides and I called Adam in to tell me what I was doing wrong.  Story of my life.  He fixed me up though.

I thought, I feel pretty good.  Maybe I don't need to take Tuesday after chemo off after all.

I went to the basement to put a few things in the washing machine and walking back up two flights of stairs almost did me in.  I was completely winded and tired for like two hours after that. (Last week I wouldn't have noticed the climb.)

Maybe I do need to take Tuesday after chemo off after all.

Adam drove me to my appointment to get IV fluids.  He said, "I'm sorry I'm so distracted with work stuff."

I said, "I don't know how well you do your job.  I don't know how well you are doing as a bishop, not really.  I do know how well you're doing as a husband, so stop apologizing."

The man has nothing to apologize for.  He is stretched thinner than he has ever been and from where I sit, he is doing great.

Emma and Mark cajoled and begged their brother for baby pictures.  He obliged and that little one has our hearts.  Braeden also said when YP cries, QE says, "Don't worry, baby.  I'm here."

Adam had a meeting, so Mark and I met up for lunch at JCWs after my IV.  Once the nausea wears off, beef is really what my body wants.  We talked about the scriptures and his video game and the book I'm reading and his classes and some work stuff for me.  Just a basic lunch on a Tuesday with your young adult son.  

The other night, Adam and I were talking about how surreal it still feels that I have cancer.  It feels like someone else's life, but here we are.  

At the same time, it isn't a terrible life.  We are pulling together and doing the things.

In and out

 I have most certainly been in the past several days.  In the house, in my chair, in my slippers--I seriously love my slippers.  They are wool Allbirds and I could do a commercial.

I digress.

Adam is a believer in getting out.  When someone isn't feeling well around here, I suggest they drink more water.  Adam suggests they get out.

We went on a drive yesterday  We went through the car wash and the smell made me a little nauseous.  Adam offered to crack the window.

Ha ha.

He went to Walmart and I sat in the car in the sunshine and called my parents.  It was kind of nice to get out.

Then I was in.  I read, I worked on Family History (I'm completely stuck and the family I am working on has the surname Stuck so maybe I should move to a different family) and I did a little cross-stitch.  I wish I could more evenly distribute my busy days and my sitting around feeling sick days.  It is hard to feel too sick to want to do anything very productive for days on end.

In the late afternoon, I was snoozing in my chair and Adam said, "When you're a little more awake, let's go out."

We recruited Mark to go with us and we went for a drive in Vineyard, just looking at neighborhoods and listening to the music Mark played.  Going for a drive to look at neighborhoods is a foreign thing to me, but it's natural to Adam.  His curiosity has no bounds.

I was telling Mark that when he gets married, I'll have Miriam and Nate cater his wedding with their amazing BBQ and then Mark started talking about the wedding venue his friends had their wedding at so then Adam said, "Let's go there for ice cream."

There was no way they had ice cream there and I told Adam that.

He said, "Hey, I know stuff.  There is ice cream there."

He does know stuff.  They have an ice cream shop there, but it was closed for the season.  So we went back home, but I think that getting out did help me.  I was feeling less sick.  After dinner we played Monopoly Deal, then Adam and I watched Maigret, which is a new Masterpiece Mystery we are enjoying.

I am glad to still be home today.  The stairs still exhaust me.  Walking up the stairs is kind of my test to see how my energy is faring.  I am going to go in to the doctor to get some IV today.  I will be getting out.

Exactly what Adam would recommend.

Weekend

 Hello from chemo town.

Emma went with me on Thursday.  We mapped out plans for a trip in June.  We played Skip Bo.  We did some NYTimes crossword puzzles.  (I told her that her dad was always responsible for the clues about sports so that was her responsibility...she didn't do very well with that, but she knew a lot of other stuff.)

Felicia, in our ward, brought over a very simple and soothing dinner of Costco rotisserie chicken, roasted potatoes, green beans and fruit.  People really know what they're doing.  It was all just perfect.  I really appreciate the kind people who bring me dinner on chemo day.

Adam got home that night--I was already asleep, but I woke up and we talked and he rubbed my back.

Friday we went back for more chemo.  Adam went to Maverik for the requisite drinks to combat the intense Benadryl.  After he returned, I was trying to get him up to speed on the travel plans and Emma would interrupt and correct me and I would say, "That is what I said," when it really wasn't.

I was super discombobulated and kept repeating what she said in an effort to be correct. She said,"Chemo makes you gaslight me."

By then I had no idea what any of the dates were and I said, "I have a lot of Benadryl in me!"

The nurse was there switching something out and laughing about our conversation.  She probably hears versions of it a lot.

Friday is always a shorter day.  We packed up and went to Kneaders and I had soup and bread.  It hit right.  I am learning what to eat and not to eat. 

In the afternoon, I was super sleepy but couldn't sleep.  It was kind of miserable because I was too tired for even reading.  It's like my body had powered down and I just needed to wait it out.  I finally took an hour long nap, which revived me a bit.

An exciting development that was the backdrop of our weekend, was that Anna went into labor!  I wanted more than anything to be there, but alas.

We checked updates all day long.

Emma said, "You know how there are four star generals?  I'm going to be a two star aunt."  So I guess that makes me a two star Nana.  I'll take it.

On my blog, his sister is QE, as in the Queen of Everything.  He will be the Young Prince.  YP.  We loved him before he was born.

We are taking a quick trip to visit next weekend.  I'll miss one day of school.  I miss SO much school.  I wish I could go for longer, but this will have to suffice until spring break when we will likely go again.

Anna's mom, Amy, flew there to be with them.  She was reading a book to QE when Braeden texted the news.  Amy read QE the text, QE squealed happily and then said, "Keep reading."

Girl loves books.  

She will also be a good big sister.  She is very astute and helpful and I can see her staring down any future bullies with success.  As the happy recipient of a fabulous big sister myself, I can see all the signs of greatness.

We drank up every picture and video we got from the little family, halting every conversation if a text came in.  Going there on Saturday isn't a day too soon. 

They sent a video of QE meeting YP for the first time.  She hesitantly walked into the hospital room, holding tight to Braeden's hand.  She was mostly interested in seeing Anna and showing her the picture she had drawn.  Then, Braeden sat down close by, holding YP.  QE looked over at him and simply said, "Hi." 

Siblings are one of the biggest constants in your life.  Those two will mean the world to each other.  I love that I got to see that first, "hi."  

I had kind of a drab day on Sunday.  I felt sick--nauseous and exhausted.  I decided that one thing I felt like eating was a grilled ham and cheese sandwich so Adam pivoted away from what he was going to make and made me that instead.

He's good to me!

Emma came over and we ate and played one round of Skip Bo.  Someone asked if we wanted to play again and Adam said, "Your mom looks tired."

I was. 

I slept for almost twelve hours last night.  It is just remarkable to me that I can do that!  Today I have big plans.

Watch the plants grow (it isn't as riveting as it sounds...).

I also have a good book to read.

Grateful Wednesday

 Another chemo week so this is it for the week.

I thought gratitude would be worthwhile.

Yesterday I went into the office to ask if we could order more cap erasers that go onto the end of pencils instead of the bar erasers that the supply drawer is overflowing with.

When I walked into the office, there were about 5-6 teachers and Matt and a secretary there and they were measuring the distance between their outstretched fingers.  I said, "This looks like a scintillating discussion I'm walking in on...."

Matt had Oakley hold up her two fingers, like she was making a peace sign.

I said, "Whoa."

He said, "See?!?"

She has flexible fingers!

I said, "Well can I shift this conversation from fingers to erasers?"

They said sure and then Matt had Camie order what I wanted from Amazon.

I am always grateful I work at that school with those people.

Speaking of school, I'm grateful as ever for Beverly Cleary.  I read my class in Beezus and Ramona about Ramona taking bites out of all the apples and they gasped.  Then I read about Ramona inviting her friends over for a party without telling her parents.  They were horrified.  "My mom would KILL me!"

I love reading quality books to them.

I am grateful that Emma is doing chemo with me.  Adam will still be in Nashville on Thursday and I'm grateful that my support team is layered.  If I didn't have Emma, Mark has class I don't want him to miss, but I can honestly think of at least five other people close by that I could ask to go with me.

Adam and Emma will both be there on Friday.  I don't love it, but I'm doing it and I'm grateful for that.

I'm grateful that my teammates and I are having a data day this morning.   Another day of sub plans to add to the mix was a drudgery, but I am always grateful to hang out with my team and I love that we are like minded and have the same goals and don't waste time when we meet.

(Unless one of us gets distracted and then Alissa says "squirrel!" and we get back on task.)

I am grateful Mark is around, especially when Adam is away.  It's nice to have someone to eat dinner with.

I am grateful for physical therapy, because it is helping my neck and I'm grateful that I could pull up Pride and Prejudice on my phone to read while I sat there with the heat and electrode things on my neck.  I am listening to a book and reading another book, but I just started Pride and Prejudice because why ever not?

The fact that Pride and Prejudice is just there in the world whenever you need it is something to be grateful for.

They can't and they won't

 When I was growing up, if we ever told my dad, "I can't," he would say, "You can and you will."

And if you know my dad, when he said that, we did whatever it was he wanted us to do.

Let's just say my dad was not a proponent of permissive parenting.

My students are the opposite of they can and they will.

When it rains I remind them not to step in the puddle that forms in a low spot near our door.  I tell them they will be miserable with wet feet the rest of the day.

About half of them tromp through the puddle, just for fun, and then whine about wet feet and wet pants the rest of the day.

When I have a headache and ask them to be quiet, they can't.  They won't.

We are one letter away from earning a pjs and stuffed animal day.  (Why this is a big ticket reward, I don't know, but it is.)

Yesterday I set my timer and said that if everything was cleaned up by the timer went off, they could earn their reward.

One girl sat at her desk pleasantly chatting with other people.  This was about the third day in a row that she did that and was responsible for them not earning a letter.

I said, "You don't want to be the reason they don't earn the reward!"

She said, "Oh!"  She put her computer away, but that was all.

(They didn't earn the reward.)

Also yesterday we had a "Beat the Street" assembly about safety.  Every student was gifted with a reflective arm band that I passed out at the end of the day.  They attached with velcro.  Since everything was done for the day, I read to them for the last five minutes.  The entire time, they were opening and closing the armbands.  Scratch scritch, scritch scratch.  I kept asking them to stop.  

They couldn't.  They wouldn't.

Finally I said, "I'm going to take the armbands away if you can't stop opening and closing them.  I ended up taking three of them away until they finally stopped.

(I gave them back when the bell rang.)

Maybe I need a take your dad to school day.  I need a little more you can and you will around there.