I had energy yesterday to take down all the Christmas decorations! It was remarkable. I wasn't sure I would last because for the past several months, my energy flags in a big way.
I was tired by mid afternoon, but I was also finished with the task. I was grateful to have energy and I felt like myself!
Mark helped me a lot with the ladder stuff and with carrying all the bins up and down the stairs. At one point he came upstairs and I was putting a few things in the dishwasher. He said, "You'd better not be doing any dishes! Are you trying to put me out of a job?"
I gratefully ceded the kitchen to him.
We drove to Salt Lake City to get Adam at the airport. I was happy to see him. It had only been a bit over 24 hours, but it felt longer. I'm grateful whenever we are able to do something to help and support Braeden and Anna and I'm grateful Adam is the kind of dad who is up for anything. And it's usually his idea.
We ate dinner with Aunt Leone (which is an idiom in our family that means we ate really early) and met Emma at La Casa Del Tamal in Salt Lake. Adam had gone to a different location of the same restaurant with his friend, Gene, who is Mexican (despite what you would think for a person name Gene). Gene thinks it is the best Mexican food around here and I think I agree. We ordered way too much food and needed three to go boxes, but that bodes well for lunch today.
I'm grateful for a husband who introduces me to new things all the time--things like tamales with chocolate mole sauce and spicy meat wrapped in banana leaves. He just goes around enriching all of our lives.
Tomorrow we are meeting at IKEA. I'm getting a new shelf for my closet and Emma is going to buy a new dresser. She thought she could carry it herself into her apartment. I had her look up the weight of the boxes. She then said maybe her friend Brigette could help her. Adam said, "We'll go."
He's the busiest person I know. Probably because he is always swerving to help other people.
We are back in Utah and I woke up to a rainy day that I wish was snowy. We have had a mild winter and I'm not sad about that, but at the same time, I do like snow. Especially when I am cozy inside.
Yesterday we packed up and got the house ready to be gone. Having Braeden there was a boon. He added 1/3 more manpower to loading the car. It shouldn't surprise me, but I see those boys that I used to carry around heft the biggest boxes or a big fully loaded cooler like it's nothing, and I'm a little amazed. But also grateful.
We left Adam and Mark to finish winterizing and Braeden and QE and I went to visit my parents. We helped them take down a few Christmas decorations and visited and my mom read QE some stories and nursery rhymes.
We said good-bye, which is never not ever easy. Adam and Braeden and QE headed west and Mark and I headed east.
I was happy to be with Mark. He had been sick while we were in Nevada, fighting off a head cold. Also he willingly (gratefully?) cedes all attention to Braeden, our resident extrovert. Mark is only too happy to fade into the background.
I had a full drive of Mark time though and I appreciated it. He had made a playlist and it was good. He had songs from the 70s, 80s and 90s and I only vetoed one song (Alice In Chains). We talked about our hopes and dreams for the new year. We stopped at Del Taco in Wendover which is an exciting new development. It is a great gluten free option for a roadtrip and we are over the moon when we find one of those! We traded driving and it wasn't terrifying (just like my boys being these big strong men, driving with my children and it isn't terrifying still takes me by surprise a little).
We stopped at Winco for party supplies. Mark unloaded the car and I started putting stuff away. After a little rest, I started taking decorations off the little tree. I called down to Mark and he brought up all the bins. Usually I take down Christmas in one Herculean exhausting session, but I know I need to pace myself this year. After the little tree, I started assembling all the food for our night. Emma came and we ate and caught up on the week. Then we played games and between rounds I set a timer and we would take decorations off the big tree for five minutes. After the timer, we'd go back to the game. It took several rounds, but we finally finished.
The kids were willing to do more, but I was done. As is my custom, I let the new year turn without me witnessing it. Braeden told me that Anna said in Russia (where she served her mission) they say that whatever you are doing at the New Year is what you'll be doing that year.
I was asleep.
Today I'm intending to work more on the Christmas decorations--and I think I will likely finish since the trees are done. Late this afternoon, we'll pick up Adam and I'll be happy to have him back. I think he'll be happy to have missed the boxing up of Christmas.
My cup runneth over. I really love all the time I have had with family.
Yesterday morning we hung around our house, just enjoying the happy chaos of a three year old. She, however, wanted to make ice burritos.
Do you know how to make ice burritos? (If so, leave the recipe in the comments.) None of us knew and that did not stop the little queen from wanting them.
It had something to do with the little sheets of ice we had brought home from our walk the previous day. I had put them in the freezer for safe keeping. I didn't know how to make them into burritos, but we pulled them out and talked about thawing. We put them in front of a space heater and accelerated the process. Then we talked about steam. I got a pot of water going on the stove and we watched the steam and dropped the ice sheets in and observed.
Braeden said, "This is what happens when your nana is a third grade teacher."
It was a good time. There is nothing happier than a cute girl cheering the ice on as it melts.
The boys and QE went to visit my parents, Adam was involved in bishop stuff (he is a hero in more ways than I can count) and Hannah came over to visit me. We sat in our grandparents' house and talked about them and how they made us feel. We talked about the cousin bond we feel and how the Gospel of Jesus Christ buoys us up. She is such a good girl. She gave me a book and I gave her the book I'd brought for her.
After that I went on a walk with my sisters. We took turns telling our thing that was troubling us and when I am with those two, I feel like whatever my thing is, it is going to be OK.
My sisters told me that our aunt Mary was coming to surprise my mom. We hung out a little to see her. She came in with all her native cheer, calling, "Ho Ho Ho!"
My mom said, "What are you doing here?"
Mary said, "Visiting you! What do you think I'm doing here?"
Mary and Steve had brought lunch and four Tupperware containers full of homemade cookies and candy. She kept passing and passing them around. I love that one time my mom told me that Mary is generous like their father that died before I remember him. I collect tidbits about him and save them in my heart, trying to create a picture of the grandpa I never knew.
We visited awhile and then went home for lunch. Later in the afternoon, Mary and Steve stopped by to see us and to see our house. It was nice to visit more with them and catch up on their family.
Olivia had effectively charmed QE and she asked if we could go visit Ciocia (which is what our kids call Olivia). We went over and Olivia had assembled toys and activities and sat on the floor and got busy entertaining QE. She's like Mary Poppins if Mary Poppins didn't make you tidy up or take your medicine (with or without a spoonful for sugar). It was fun to watch.
After dinner, Marianne, Robert, Clarissa and her boyfriend, Cristian, Hyrum, Olivia, Edgar, Lili and Josh all came over. We played bank and passed around treats to eat. We all hugged good-bye because we are leaving this morning. Marianne and I hugged and realized we wouldn't see each other until after her mission and hugged again, tighter this time.
I hugged Robert and told him he and Marianne were the perfect eldest children to lead two families. I'm grateful for those two!
Today Mark and I will head to Utah and Adam will go to California to accompany Braeden and QE back home. He will fly back to Utah tomorrow. I told him yesterday, "I'm worried about New Year's Eve with our kids without the fun parent there...."
I guess he saw my point because he checked into changing his ticket. I told him we'd be fine. They're used to their not all that fun mother!
I feel like this Christmas break is zooming by and I am disheartened when I remember that the second week back to school is another chemo week. I am grateful to have this little pocket of happy days in my memory.
We got this from Hyrum yesterday morning in our family WhatsApp. It ran concurrently to the Ladies' Brunch. So our men went with their feelings (they don't have any guns) and QE was a special guest. They called it a Men's Brunch, which naturally morphed to Munch.
Meanwhile at the Ladies' Brunch, we had a marvelous time:
Olivia gave us each a fan which factored into our rose, thorn and bud discussion as well as our after the manner of the adverb game. From left standing, Katie, Melanee, Azure, me, Desi attending to baby Louisa, Clarissa, Liliana, Ruby, Charlotte, Liberty, Sharon (Liberty's mother-in-law). Seated, from left is Olivia, Marianne, my mom, Lucette and Olivia.
These women are everything. Later we FaceTimed with Emma briefly (she was at work) and we FaceTimed with Carolina (who was having p-day on her mission). I wish we had had the idea to FaceTime Jennifer and Savannah, because we missed them. I am grateful for this tradition and this network of support I have. I can understand why the men would want a similar experience.
In the afternoon we read stories and played with toys. (I had gotten them out in the morning after QE said, "How can you have a house without toys?" Luckily I had a few bins in the closet.)
QE and I took a walk. I showed her the loading chute and tried to explain that it didn't involve shooting. I don't think I was successful. I loved exploring the very road I lived on when I was her age with her. She discovered interesting rocks and ice crystals on the long grass. We picked ice off the puddles in little sheets which is exactly what I used to do when I was little.
We went to visit my parents and some of Marianne's family stopped by so we got to take a great grandchildren picture.
After dinner Adam and I went to Marianne and Robert's kind of briefly because I was really tired. I don't know if it is cancer or I have been fighting off sickness, but I have been a tired kid.
I am also grateful to be here, spending this family time.
We drove to the Home Place on Saturday. It was something of an effort to get out the door plus we stopped at Walmart on our way out of town for a few necessities. But we finally made it!
The kids got here about 30 minutes before we did. They left the mouse in the trap for Adam, but they started cleaning up flies.
Emma asked, "Is there a solution for these flies?"
I said, "Don't have a log house?"
Especially one that isn't lived in most of the time. We are always greeted with dead flies, but it feels like a small price to pay.
The four of us were unloading the car, cleaning, putting stuff away, all the things. Mark said, "Dad...there's water on the floor."
Adam said, "How much water?"
Mark said, "A lot...."
We didn't have a flood.
We had two floods.
Adam hadn't turned the valves the right way on the water heaters so they were both flooding water onto the floor. One water heater is in the store room and one is in a bedroom so the carpet was soaked. (My grandpa wanted to always have hot water.) We grabbed all the towels we had and a mop. I called Olivia and borrowed a shop vac. I sent the wet towels back to have her wash.
We are nothing if not indebted to our neighbors every time we come here.
(By the way, I don't fault Adam for the water heater thing. I don't know how to do it properly and we de-winterize so seldomly, it's easy to forget a step.)
So that was exciting. We righted the ship. In the process of making beds, we realized that we didn't bring back all the laundry from last time we were here. Adam came with Braeden once since I've been here and we miscommunicated about what was where and I haven't been on top of my game in any aspect of my life, let alone the housekeeping around here.
So we didn't have enough sheets.
We made it work. Adam and I used a top sheet for a bottom sheet and blankets on top and it was no trouble. Who says I'm not a camper....
Saturday evening we visited my parents and had stuff to drop off at my sisters' houses. We happened to see Clarissa leaving Olivia's so we sent a slow cooker with her that Marianne was borrowing.
Then we visited with Olivia's family. She wondered about playing a game and I was too tired. I'm not anyone's idea of the life of the party.
We came home and I went straight to bed. Sunday morning I woke up and enjoyed the golden light. This little log home isn't perfect, (we're really not perfect in our attempts to take care of it) but it surely glows in the right light.
Sunday was Marianne and Robert's farewell before their 6 month mission to Ghana. They both spoke and I was inspired and impressed and grateful they are ours all at the same time. I also loved being completely surrounded with family. Everyone except Enoch's family was there and we missed them.
When we were leaving church, Braeden called and said he was thinking of coming.
30 minutes later, he called and said he was coming with QE. What a happy turn of events!
We went to Marianne and Robert's where they fed about 70 people with all the panache Marianne does everything. (Also Olivia and her family helped her a lot and they're amazing.)
I had a deliciously long talk with Hannah. I've been wanting to talk to her for months. We cried together as we talked about cancer and the recent tragic passing of her sweet daughter. We also laughed and talked about all sorts of other things. Cousins are a great invention and I'm so grateful for mine. I also got to see my cousin Jason there, who I hadn't seen for years.
After we got home, Adam and Mark went to town for Braeden and QE essentials and they actually beat Adam and Mark home. QE was happy to be here. She has the native cheery disposition of her dad. She zoomed around telling me about the snow she saw going over the Sierras and the chicken nuggets she had eaten for dinner.
Then she said, "How do you have a house without books?"
I felt slightly chastened, because Nana needs more books around here! I do have half a shelf of picture books and I showed them to her.
Then we snuggled under a blanket and read several.
When Adam and Mark got home, she gave them each an enormous hug and announced it was time for bed.
She is always and ever a dream.
Today we have the ladies' brunch at Olivia's and then I'm looking forward to a few more days around here.
Life isn't perfect and I have the headache to prove it.
When Adam was rubbing my back last night in the expert way he does, I realized how grateful I am for him.
Gratitude saves me over and over.
I am grateful for the wonderful Christmas we had. I'm grateful we got to talk to Braeden and Anna and QE several times and read to her on Christmas Eve and watch her open presents from us. She is the dopamine hit that never misses.
I'm grateful that Emma and Mark started shooting a film noir using the Christmas bears and a whole lot of puns. When I went to bed on Christmas Eve, they were just getting started.
I'm grateful for the presents we gave each other. Gifts are my love language and every package opened was an I love you; I thought of you. I hope you like this as much as I thought you would.
It is wonderful feeling seen and known. Even gifts of money/gift cards fit the bill. My parents sent us money, like they do, and it funded nice gifts all around. Geri sent us each a card with a gift card inside and she knows us. In Adam's card she wrote, "Spend this on yourself. Don't just use it for something for the family."
In my card she wrote, "I'm sure you can find something to spend this on for yourself."
She is not wrong; I already have an idea.
Braeden and Anna gave Emma and me each a puzzle. We started mine and it is the trickiest puzzle we've ever seen. Emma said she felt like she was being bullied by the puzzle. I may have called it diabolical at one point. But we also loved it. I loved sitting there next to Emma, chatting with her and discovering the ins and outs of that puzzle together.
We had to eat Christmas dinner sitting at the island and I don't know how long the puzzle will be there, but Emma gets locked in, so probably not too long.
I am grateful for the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ. It means more to me this year than ever.
I love this verse from the hymn, "If You Could Hie to Kolob":
There is no end to glory; There is no end to love; There is no end to being; There is no death above. There is no end to glory; There is no end to love; There is no end to being; There is no death above.
Right after dinner last night, Adam opened a package from Amazon. He had ordered a card shuffler. Mark and I thought it was the bees knees. We kept shuffling and shuffling. We handed it to Adam, "Try it!" we said. Adam just watched us with a smile.
"You two are really into this," he said.
Well, it was fun.
We kept watching the Ken Burns Revolutionary War documentary. I sat fully upright this time so I wouldn't fall asleep like I had the night before. It's very interesting and those Bostonians were just spoiling for a fight!
Emma arrived and we are happy to have her home for a few days. When I went to bed, Mark was showing Emma the wonders of the card shuffler.
It occurs to me we didn't need other Christmas gifts.
As I have studied "The Living Christ" this week, I also listened to the Follow Him podcast. Bonnie Cordon was the visitor and she mentioned in passing that it could be a good experience to try to pair Christmas songs with "The Living Christ."
Well, as I have sat here, doing my best to outlast the effects of chemo, I had the time so I decided to give it a try.
The Living Christ
As we commemorate the birth of Jesus Christ two millennia ago, we offer our testimony of the reality of His matchless life and the infinite virtue of His great atoning sacrifice. None other has had so profound an influence upon all who have lived and will yet live upon the earth.
Yea, Lord, we greet thee,
Born this happy morning;
Jesus, to thee be all glory giv’n.
Son of the Father,
Now in flesh appearing;
He was the Great Jehovah of the Old Testament, the Messiah of the New. Under the direction of His Father, He was the creator of the earth. “All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made."
Through the ages, prophets told
Of a long-awaited Savior.
Through the ages, prophets told
Of this Child we now behold.
He is born, the divine Christ child;
Raise your voices in joyful melody!
He is born, the divine Christ child—
Sing of Jesus, the Baby mild.
Though sinless, He was baptized to fulfill all righteousness. He “went about doing good,” yet was despised for it. His gospel was a message of peace and goodwill.
Hasten the time when, from ev’ry clime,
Men shall unite in the strains sublime:
Glory to God,
Glory to God,
Glory to God in the highest;
Peace on earth, goodwill to men;
Peace on earth, goodwill to men!
He entreated all to follow His example. He walked the roads of Palestine, healing the sick, causing the blind to see, and raising the dead. He taught the truths of eternity, the reality of our premortal existence, the purpose of our life on earth, and the potential for the sons and daughters of God in the life to come.
No more will sin and sorrow grow,
Nor thorns infest the ground;
He’ll come and make the blessings flow
Far as the curse was found,
Far as the curse was found,
Far as, far as the curse was found.
He instituted the sacrament as a reminder of His great atoning sacrifice. He was arrested and condemned on spurious charges, convicted to satisfy a mob, and sentenced to die on Calvary’s cross.
Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
“God is not dead, nor doth he sleep;
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail,
With peace on earth, good will to men.”
He gave His life to atone for the sins of all mankind. His was a great vicarious gift in behalf of all who would ever live upon the earth.
Shepherds, why this jubilee?
Why your joyous strains prolong?
What the gladsome tidings be
Which inspire your heav’nly song?
We solemnly testify that His life, which is central to all human history, neither began in Bethlehem nor concluded on Calvary.
Be near me, Lord Jesus; I ask thee to stay
Close by me forever, and love me, I pray.
Bless all the dear children in thy tender care,
And fit us for heaven to live with thee there.
He was the Firstborn of the Father, the Only Begotten Son in the flesh, the Redeemer of the world.
Silent night! Holy night!
Son of God, love’s pure light
Radiant beams from thy holy face,
With the dawn of redeeming grace,
Jesus, Lord, at thy birth;
Jesus, Lord, at thy birth.
He rose from the grave to “become the firstfruits of them that slept.” As Risen Lord, He visited among those He had loved in life.
And our eyes at last shall see him,
Through his own redeeming love;
For that child so dear and gentle
Is our Lord in heav’n above,
And he leads his children on
To the place where he is gone.
He also ministered among His “other sheep” in ancient America. In the modern world, He and His Father appeared to the boy Joseph Smith, ushering in the long-promised “dispensation of the fulness of times."
This is the Christ, the holy Son of God—
Our Savior, Lord, Redeemer of mankind.
This is the Christ, the Healer of our souls,
Who ransomed us with love divine.
Of the Living Christ, the Prophet Joseph wrote: “His eyes were as a flame of fire; the hair of his head was white like the pure snow; his countenance shone above the brightness of the sun; and his voice was as the sound of the rushing of great waters, even the voice of Jehovah, saying: “I am the first and the last; I am he who liveth, I am he who was slain; I am your advocate with the Father.”
Gloria in excelsis Deo.
Gloria in excelsis Deo.
Of Him the Prophet also declared: “And now, after the many testimonies which have been given of him, this is the testimony, last of all, which we give of him: That he lives! “For we saw him, even on the right hand of God; and we heard the voice bearing record that he is the Only Begotten of the Father—“That by him, and through him, and of him, the worlds are and were created, and the inhabitants thereof are begotten sons and daughters unto God.".
For lo! the days are hast’ning on,
By prophets seen of old,
When with the ever-circling years
Shall come the time foretold,
When the new heav’n and earth shall own
The Prince of Peace their King,
And the whole world send back the song
Which now the angels sing.
We declare in words of solemnity that His priesthood and His Church have been restored upon the earth—“built upon the foundation of … apostles and prophets, Jesus Christ himself being the chief corner stone."
Hail the heav’n-born Prince of Peace!
Hail the Son of Righteousness!
Light and life to all he brings,
Ris’n with healing in his wings.
Mild he lays his glory by,
Born that man no more may die;
Born to raise the sons of earth,
Born to give them second birth.
Hark! the herald angels sing
Glory to the newborn King!
We testify that He will someday return to earth. “And the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together.” He will rule as King of Kings and reign as Lord of Lords, and every knee shall bend and every tongue shall speak in worship before Him. Each of us will stand to be judged of Him according to our works and the desires of our hearts.
King of kings forever and ever
and Lord of lords hallelujahhallelujah
And he shall reign forever and ever
King of kings and Lord of lords
King of kings and Lord of lords
And he shall reign forever and ever
Forever and ever and ever and ever
We bear testimony, as His duly ordained Apostles—that Jesus is the Living Christ, the immortal Son of God. He is the great King Immanuel, who stands today on the right hand of His Father. He is the light, the life, and the hope of the world.
Come, Lord Jesus, to the wounded—
Broken heart and bended knee.
Worthy Lamb, Thy love unbounded,
Bid our souls to rest in Thee.
Grant us mercy, Savior, King;
Come with healing in Thy wings.
Come, Lord Jesus, to the wounded.
Come, Lord Jesus, come!
Come, Lord Jesus, great Redeemer,
Light of Morning, Prince of Peace.
We will be Thy children ever.
Dry our tears; may weeping cease.
Come in glory; come again.
Come to us to rule and reign.
Ready us to kneel and greet Thee.
Come, Lord Jesus, come!
His way is the path that leads to happiness in this life and eternal life in the world to come. God be thanked for the matchless gift of His divine Son.
