Weekend

 Weekends are long when Adam is gone.  Also, I'm glad I have Mark.  We were both kind of droopy on Friday so he went and got pizza and we united separately like the introverts that we are.

Saturday I had him help me prep the upstairs guest rooms for Thanksgiving week when Emma and QE will be our upstairs guests.  Those two rooms tend to be storage for primary stuff, Christmas gifts, stuff to take to DI, stuff to take to Nevada.  Mark helped me get it all sorted and we made beds.  (Luckily there is a bunkbed in QE's room so I recruited the top bunk for storage.  The basement guest room is going to wait for another day with renewed energy.

We went to Winco and planned our Christmas break.  We had an original plan, but then found out about when Marianne and Robert's farewell is and when Olivia's Holiday Brunch is and we were reworking our plan.  I think we came up with a winner.  Mark texted it all to Adam and I think we are all on board.

I spent a certain amount of time over the weekend worried about Braeden.  He had some health troubles, but is past the worst of it.  I felt very grateful for Anna.  When your children are far away, it is so nice to know that they are in good hands.

Emma was in Atlanta with Adam for WGU graduation (Emma volunteered to help) and had a good time.  I talked to them while they were on their way to meet Whitney and Kelly for dinner.

Besides that, I did a whole lot of nothing.  I read and cross-stitched and folded the laundry that Mark washed and dried.  I feel better generally, but I still get so tired.  Adam and Emma and Mark all told me, "Well, you have cancer."

I know that.  But I don't want that.  

(I know. Too bad, so sad.)

Sunday morning I felt super nauseous while trying to eat breakfast.  I ended up throwing it away because I couldn't finish.  At times like that I wonder, is this lymphoma?  Is it something else?

I sort of rallied and decided that I was OK to go to church.  It wasn't my turn to lead the singing, but I used bells for our new Christmas song and I wanted to bring the bells for when I will be gone because of chemo.  Also, to set the scene, I sit in the front row at church.  

During sacrament meeting, I started feeling SO sick.  If I hadn't been sitting in the front row + carrying bells, I would have left.  After the meeting, I took my bells to primary and dropped them off and went straight home.

Eventually I felt like some of my toddler food (applesauce).  The day was improved when Adam came home!  I was so happy to see that guy!  He brought me a shirt from Buc-ee's.  It is hard for him to go to the South without going to Buc-ee's and it is hard for him to go to Buc-ee's without buying me a shirt.

We played Monopoly Deal and Mexican Train with Mark (Emma didn't come since she also just got home from a trip).  Then we watched a show on PBS that Adam had been wanting for us to watch together.  I slept through it, but good news!  I finally felt like eating.  Adam and Mark were preparing dinner and I sat at the counter and said that I could chop the Brussels sprouts.  Adam handed me a knife and cutting board, but then took them back away and said, "Maybe when you're a little more awake."

So I was relegated to lining the sheet pan with parchment paper.

I felt slightly gloomy last night because of feeling sick and today being Monday and cold and I have recess duty.  Then I saw a text from Camille who used to live in our ward.  She texted me that their family prays for me every day and that she hoped I was doing well.  It was just the kindest thing.  It made me remember the people who stopped me in the hall (on my woozy way to the primary room to drop off the bells) to tell me they are praying for me.

There are hard days, but I am being helped.  Over and over and I need to keep remembering that.