Weekend

 On Friday I shopped (online) and then we decorated.  (I told Adam not to freak out when he sees the credit card bill....)

I realized that maybe I should have decorated, shopped, decorated, shopped, repeat so I could break up the decorating with sitting.

I got SO tired.  And then I cried.  I just want to do my life.  I don't want to be exhausted by things that used to be no problem.  I hate having to either skip my stuff or rely on other people to do my bidding.  I don't love it.

I bucked myself up.  (My family bucked me up.)  We got the house looking festive and then spent a more restful afternoon.  Adam wanted to go to South Jordan for a gift for me and I went with him.  (I sat in the car and read my book while he went into the store).  We just like being together.  We listened to our latest podcast (House at Number 48) and decided the guy was kind of insufferable, but the story is interesting. 

We tried to interest the introverts in going or in watching a movie when we got home.  They both politely declined.

You can only get so much interaction out of those two before it is used up.

Saturday I made muffins: gluten free cinnamon and regular cranberry.  (I needed to use up the cranberry sauce.)

It was restorative to me to bake.  I felt like me and I felt like a person.  I hardly ever bake anymore because gluten free kind of takes the fun out of everything (as does cancer).  But I really love to bake and I was happy to have the energy.

We went to my classroom to decorate it for Christmas and put it to rights.  I was very grateful to my family for helping.  Again, it's usually something I mostly manage (Mark usually helps hang the snowflakes), but this year I was helped and I appreciate it.  He would never say it, but I think Adam thinks I need to alter my expectations and not decorate.  He helps me all the same.  It means a lot to me.

We had lunch at Chubby's and then Emma went back to her apartment.  It was wonderful to have her for so many days.  After that we went to Winco.  Amazingly, I wasn't flattened after shopping.  We were walking out of the store and I told Mark.  "This is the first time in I don't know how long that I am not exhausted after this!"

It felt good.

I was tired when we got home and sat in my chair and read, but it feels like so much progress!

Adam and I rewatched the first episode of The Gold that I slept through the last time.  I told Adam and Mark they could go on without me, but no man left behind I guess.

On Sunday morning Adam said, "Are you up to church today?"

I was!

The Relief Society did sort of an instant choir and I marched up there like I was going to be able to sing the song.  It was "Amazing Grace" and it kind of destroyed me.  I ugly cried.

The second and third verses in particular.  I wasn't ready.

The Lord has promised good to me; 

His word my hope secures. 

He will my shield and portion be 

As long as life endures.

Through many dangers, toils, and snares

I have already come. 

His grace has brought me safe thus far, 

And grace will lead me home.

I thought I should have told Adam no and stayed home in my warm slippers.  I can't take me anywhere.  Nola was standing next to me while we they were singing.  She put her arm around my waist.  After singing, several of my friends stopped to squeeze my arm and give me a loving smile.

I'm a hot mess, but I am loved.

It snowed in the afternoon, which was icing on the Christmas decorated house.

This was at the start of the snow, but we got a few inches.  Lovely!

I lit my Swedish änglaspel that Braeden and Anna gifted me last year.  It felt cozy in a snowstorm.

After Adam got home, we made dinner and Mark wasn't feeling well (got glutened I think) and Emma didn't come because she was sick (a MIRACLE that I didn't catch her cold while she was here--sweet girl washed her hands until they were raw).  So Adam and I played Skip bo and watched an episode of Professor T and I was asleep by 8:30.  I get + need a lot of sleep!

This morning I finished my Christmas shopping.

Now, ready or not, back to school.