Full heart

 

My beautiful, beloved grandma passed away in her sleep.  On Friday, my mom texted me to let me know because she knew I was at school.  I saw the text during recess and I put my phone down and swallowed my tears and didn't tell a single soul all day.

I knew if I talked about it, I would start crying and I didn't know if I would stop crying.

My grandma loved me since long before I remember.  Her love has been a constant in my life.  My heart and memory are brimmed full of her love.  Marianne wrote on Facebook that no one said her name the way our grandma did and I felt like that captured how I feel.  She said our names like our presence was the best thing that could have happened to her.

She was the bringer of fun.  She taught us games and brought black cherry soda and Snickers bars when she came to visit.  She was athletic and active and a little bit mystified by how uncoordinated I was when I was in junior high and she took me roller skating.  

She was generous.  Once when Adam was in graduate school (in other words, we were poor), I told him that I felt guilty because every time I wrote my grandma a letter, she sent me a check and that was not why I was writing her!

She was an artist.  Not in a traditional sense, but on Friday evening when I sat in her living room (in her chair--I felt entitled as her namesake), I took in the view and I thought, this is such a beautiful room!  She created a lovely home.  I'll never forget the first time I helped her decorate for Christmas and we discussed ornament placement at length and I realized, this is where I came from!

She was a righteous and faithful example to me.  My sisters and I used to stay with her for a week in the summer and she would take us to movies and shopping and the zoo and Lagoon, but on some mornings, she worked at the Jordan River Temple.  She would be gone when we woke up and we would eat our pop tarts and wait for her to come home.  

When I went to the temple for the first time, my grandma was on one side and my mom was on the other and I felt like I was in very secure hands.  Everything mattered more when my grandma was there and her obvious love for the temple and the Gospel of Jesus Christ were anchors in my life.

The affection my grandma always showed me seamlessly transferred to my children.  They felt adored by her and loved her in return.  

If my own granddaughter feels the same level of love from me that I always felt from my grandma, I will be grateful.  I was also grateful to be close in the sacred last bit of her life on earth.  It felt like a gift that I was able to give her one last hug on Thursday night.

My grandparents.  That delighted look on my grandma's face is everything.

My mom said to her sister Mary, "If Dad came to get her, why didn't he come to see me in the next room?"

Mary said, "Not yet!"

49 years was a long time for my grandma to be without her husband, but it's also a long time for my mom to be without her dad.

I agree with Mary though.

Not yet!