Things you can count on

My grandma is 95 and her health is failing.  It is clear that the end of her life is fast approaching.  While that is not surprising and not tragic, a full life well-lived, it is impactful.

I can't begin to describe my relationship with my grandma and what her love has meant to me my whole life.  I just could always, always count on her unconditional love.  Always.

I feel so grateful for the other people I can count on too.

Olivia and I talked on the phone yesterday and cried a little together.  Of everyone in the world, my sisters understand about my relationship with our grandma because theirs is the same.  We are her girls.

I talked to my mom and in 100% Coralee Dahl fashion, she buoyed me up with her faith and wisdom.  You can't not be reassured by my mom.  

I texted our kids and Braeden called me immediately, which I think I could have predicted.  Since he was about three years old, he has been aware of me and checking up on me and comforting me.

Emma texted that she wanted to go with me to visit my grandma.

As soon as he was done with work, Mark gave me repeated warm hugs.  We sat and talked for awhile and when he got up to leave the room, he said, "Let me give you one last hug."

I said, "This better not be your last hug!"

Adam also understands me.  He knows the mix of sadness and gratitude I am feeling.  I think I'm less sad and more emotional and he gets that.

I appreciate him.

It's hard to justify too much sadness when you are nearing 50 and your grandma is nearing 96, but here I am anyway.

And I am feeling overwhelming gratitude that I have these people who love me.  I lucked out. If there was a lottery in heaven for which family you get to be with, I feel like I won.