The noise, noise, noise

 Yesterday the jackhammers started up across the hall from my classroom.  In very short order, I had a headache.  It is just so awful to try to teach--or function as a person--with the assault on my ears.

I took my math lesson on the road and we decamped to an empty classroom on the opposite side of the school.

It worked OK.

We went to art and I realized that we would need to spend the day in the extra classroom.  We brought our work and basic supplies.

I couldn't figure out the document camera and there was this:  Teacher, I broke my pencil (there was no sharpener in the room).  Teacher, I need an eraser.  Teacher, can I go get my water bottle?  We didn't bring the lunch cart! Will we still have recess? But what are we doing after lunch?  But what about our backpacks?  Teacher!

Uprooting 26 third graders who cling to a routine like it's their security blanket is a...great...move when you have a headache.

They were actually such troupers in our stint as refugees.  During writing I told them they had been so good that they would get a reward.

So during phonics we watched the first 30 minutes of Wall-E.  I invited the other 3rd grade classes to join us, since we were hogging the quiet room.  (My room is DIRECTLY across from the bathroom where they were working.  I'm not kidding that my classroom walls were vibrating from the noise.)

One of the girls in Miriam's class said, "This is a good movie choice.  It's calm."

I purposely picked a movie that had hardly any dialogue for the first part we were watching.

After school, the third grade team had collaboration and we just kind of sat there, like exhausted lumps.  It was such a stressful and dysregulating day and today we get to do it all over again!

We are going to do our state testing in the computer lab, which won't be great because it is in a less familiar place.

But none of this is great.

Ugh.

Turns out I wasn't sad

 I felt gloomy yesterday and kind of anxious.  Testing against the melodious strains of tile saws in the background didn't do much to help.  

In a surprise to no one, having the bathroom across the hall totally renovated can be wearying to listen to all day long.

I realized that since Adam was on a trip all week and Sunday we didn't have any one on one time either, I really just needed to spend a little time with him.

I also need, so often, my sisters.  This mothering thing feels like it would be impossible without them.  It is so very reassuring to talk to them and know that we're all in this together.

This is definitely a learning on the job experience and even though my children are grown and flown (mostly), I still have a lot of learning to do.

I took a walk with Kim yesterday.  We have a really steep climb for part of the walk.  I think it is getting a tiny bit easier every time we do it.

We still would rather be the person not talking during that part of the walk, but maybe someday it will be easy. 

And then there will be a new mountain to climb. (Insert parenting metaphor here.)

Because that's how it goes.

Weekend

 I had a rough day Friday.  I messed up a test at school, which did nothing to soothe my test anxiety.  I shouldn't even have test anxiety, because I'm not taking a test.

But here we are.

Also, Mark called me after school to tell me that his sensor had failed and CVS was out of his diabetic sensors.  He had tried a different CVS and they were also out.  I had heard Costco was a good place to get sensors, so he was wondering if I would try.

Orem Costco had none.

Three pharmacies in a row without the supplies Mark needs ratcheted up my stress just a bit.  It's a vulnerable feeling.

I called the Lehi Costco and they had ONE sensor.  I asked if they would put it aside for me and they cheerfully said no.

Then she relented and said that if I sent the prescription she would hide it "even though she wasn't supposed to."

I went to ask Matt if I could leave early and his door was closed and he was talking to someone so I dithered a minute, then poked my head in and said, "I need to go to Costco-"

He interrupted, "Then you'd better go to Costco."

I like my boss and that is all.

I hightailed it to Costco as fast as I could in Friday afternoon traffic.  By the time I got there and had stood in the pharmacy line, I was weary of the entire thing.

When it was finally my turn, they told me the sensors were out of stock.  I said, "I just called and was told there was one."

She said, "Well, let me go check."

She came back and said there was indeed one, and it would be ready in 20 minutes.

When my mouth doesn't say it, my face does.  She quickly said, "It may be faster!  And don't worry about the line!  You can just come right up to the counter."

I said OK and wandered Costco and ended up with a cartful, because, you know, Costco.  (It occurs to me this may be why the 20 minute delay happened....)

While I was walking down an aisle, a guy about my parents' age stopped me.  (My unfriendly face that made her say I could skip the line was apparently not working with this guy.) He told me an anecdote about his wife and mother-in-law.

Swell.

I finally made it home 1 1/2 hours later than normal.  Mark was very appreciative and I was careful not to make him feel my angst about the whole thing.  It was one afternoon for me, but it is his entire life.

I had a quiet evening and went to bed without talking to Adam, who was still out of town, because I was tired and he was at dinner with his people.  I texted him that I was going to bed.

I was awakened from a dead sleep by what sounded like banging on the front door.  It scared the life out of me!  I have been blessed with a very good imagination that doesn't serve me well at all.

I crept to the window and didn't see anyone outside, but my heart was racing.  I texted Adam that I was now awake if he did want to call.

He called me from a noisy restaurant and told me that I was OK.

After a while, Mark got home (he was staying over).  When he walked in, I called down the stairs to him and he said, "Mom?  What are you doing awake?!?"

I told him my sad tale and he wrapped his arms around me.  If Adam can't be here, I'll take one of our sons for sure!  He told me that the garbage can, which is kind of below our bedroom window, had blown over and that was probably what I heard.  It collided with the shed and was knocked over onto the grass.  (Happily it was practically empty, so garbage wasn't strewn about and Mark put it all to rights.)

I felt completely better so I went to sleep.

I was really just glad the day was over.

Saturday I went to Winco alone, which is never the same without Adam.  (Not that Winco is a fun destination, but it's our destination.)

When I was driving home, Adam called me.  He said, "I have good news and bad news."

I said, "Tell me the bad news first."

He said, "I can't.  I have to tell the good news first."

I said, "Fine."

He said, "I got an earlier flight!  It's scheduled to leave in 30 minutes!"

That was good news.

Then he said, "The bad news is that the flight is delayed 3 hours."

I said, "You could have said the bad news is that the flight is delayed, but the good news is that it is an earlier flight."

But even with the three hour delay, his plane got in almost three hours earlier than planned.  We stopped at Curry Pizza for dinner on the way home and there was not a table available.  Adam got a pizza to go, but there was a folding table and some chairs set up in a tiny strip of grass in the parking lot, and it was a beautiful evening so we ate outside on chairs sinking into grass at odd angles.

The pizza was good.

Sunday was my first time doing singing time in Primary.  It was fun and also stressful.  I was trying to learn their names and trying to use my little visual aids I had brought and then trying to remember to sing and lead.  Phew!  I'm sure it will get easier.

We had Mark and Emma over.  We played a new game and talked to Braeden and Anna and QE (she was wearing a tiara and necklace and ring and on her way to the Salt Lake Temple to get married.  I didn't ask who the groom was, but I hope he's worthy of her).

She asked if we remember when she was at our house.

We do.

Today we begin testing.  I have snacks.  So many snacks.  

Grateful Friday

 Even though my day will be sad tomorrow without Adam around (he's out of town), I'm grateful for the weekend.  

The happy sad news is that we have four weeks of school left.  I will miss my class.  I love them.  I will not miss the regimented gotta go to bed early so I can get up early.  (I will still go to sleep and get up relatively early, but I won't HAVE to and that makes me feel happy.)

I'm grateful for summer.

I'm also grateful for the budding authors in my class.  Yesterday six of them lined up to read a chapter from their books.  One girl just copied one of my picture books and some of them are rambling and nonsensical and one girl's is kind of dark.  There's a kidnapping.

It is all writing (except the one...) and it thrills me.

And we clapped just the same for the copier.  I mean, she's practicing her handwriting, right?  And no one is under the impression she wrote that.

I'm grateful for primary and activity days and Come Follow Me.  I did a survey for Gallup the other day and it was a lot about how I am feeling/doing and there were these questions about my spiritual practices and service and I see a direct correlation, even though I don't have a super demanding calling right now.  It still lifts me.

What a great system!

I'm grateful for spring!  The blossoms are turning to green leaves.  The grass is green.  I have been walking with my neighbor, Kim, and that is a blessing in my life.

Just my ordinary little corner of the world.  I'm grateful for it.

9 volt whether you need it or not

It is a truth universally acknowledged that when a battery dies in a smoke detector and the chirping commences, it is always in the middle of the night.

Two nights ago, Adam was up late working on a document for work and in and out of the room and the smoke detector above our bed chirped enough to wake me up, then stopped.  It didn't start chirping, but I never went back to sleep.

Adam came in and had a few blissful hours.  He was still asleep when I left for work (that guy has been burning ALL the midnight oil).  I texted him later to see if it had chirped (or did it just ruin my night and feel satisfied?).

Apparently that is the case.  He said he didn't hear it.  (I think he doesn't 100% believe me.)

Adam left on a business trip and so I wrestled the astonishingly heavy ladder up the stairs alone last night.  (It is astonishingly heavy to me.  When Mark used it to hang my paintings a few weeks ago, he managed it just fine.)

As I was trying to extend it and also keep all my fingers, I asked out loud, "Why is this thing so heavy?!?"

No one answered.

(If they had, I would have had them help me.)

There hadn't been a peep out of the smoke detector, but I didn't want it to start in the middle of the night.  

Can all the inventors in the world come together and come up with a better plan?  Let's invent smoke detectors that don't delight in torture via chirping in the middle of the night.

The actual dream

 Last week, one of my students pulled out a small black notebook and said, "I am writing a story.  Can I read the first chapter to the class?"

Absolutely!

He is a great kid.  He is popular for all the best reasons.  He is nice to everyone.  He read his first chapter and it was delightful.  It was about a seventh grader who was so late for school, he missed recess.  I didn't have the heart to tell him that you don't have recess in seventh grade.

The teacher in his story says a lot of the same phrases I say and the hero's classmates have the same names as our class.

I loved it.  I told him that when he is a grown up author, I will buy his books on Amazon.

A girl said, "I want to write a chapter book too!"

Then she turned to me and said, "I will write a chapter book if you will."

I said OK.

She said, "Seriously.  Will you write one?"

I said yes.

Then she said she didn't have a notebook, so I brought her one from home.

She happily took the notebook, opened to the first page and said, expectantly, "OK, now I need an idea...."

I told her she was on her own for that one.

I started writing my "chapter book." QE is the heroine and she is third grade age.  They listen, spellbound, when I read the chapters to them.

Yesterday the boy author and the girl author and I all had more chapters to read.

I sat back at my desk and watched my two students stand confidently in front of the class to read their writing.  I saw the rest of the class listen intently to their stories.  

I thought, this is it.  This is everything!

Yesterday

 My students came to school giddy from Easter.  They wanted to tell me all about it.  One girl told me she gets a live bunny every year for Easter.  

"Really?" I asked.  "A live bunny?"

That felt like a big commitment to bunnies.  I said, "How many bunnies do you have?!?"

She said, "They disappear.  After about a week."

I said, "Where do they go?"

She looked at me with pity because I was so stupid and said, "Easter Island."

I give equal weight to every theory I have.  Do they lose the bunny like she loses her pencil when walking across the room?  Do they borrow the same bunny every year and she's none the wiser?  Is she utterly confused about the whole situation? I have no idea.

***

I made the mistake of telling them if one more person asked me if they needed to turn in their paper, they would have to do 5 pushups.  Then they all asked me because they all wanted to do pushups. 

I need to find a different consequence.

***

A first grade teacher sent this to the third grade teachers:

A student reported to me that some boys were telling her that they put a tracker on her shoe and were going to follow her all of the time.

What would possess third graders to participate in psychological torture of first graders is beyond me.

A lot of it is beyond me.

Here's what I can get behind though:  we did our third grade culture program for the parents yesterday afternoon and I loved it so much!

We perform songs and dances from different cultures.  They do their speaking parts with their different accents and in one case language (I assigned a girl to say her part in Spanish and she was not sure, until I explained that her mom would understand and she got the biggest smile). During the performance of the Samoan Sasa, the islanders that were kind of sitting on one side of the gym, started whooping and it shocked the students, except the islanders. I heard parents behind me singing along in Spanish to de Colores. 

Our finale is This Land is Your Land and it gets me.  I sat there, leading them, trying not to cry.  Their earnest smiling faces were singing this land is your land, this land is my land and behind me were the parents from all walks of life.  

You are welcome!  I want to say!  My America is your America!  

(I have feelings about immigration.)

Weekend

 Friday we went to Trader Joe's to get the vanilla meringues for Sunday's dessert and when we got home we watched the last episode of Wolf Hall.  I finally had enough courage.

At the end, when Thomas Cromwell was on his way to be beheaded, I closed my eyes, covered my eyes and covered my ears.

I'm a lot of fun.

They didn't show any of the actual beheading, the screen just went dark.

Adam said, "Do you want to rewatch the last part since they didn't show the beheading?"

I said no.

Saturday we had lunch with Mark and went grocery shopping together.  Adam wanted to go to Cracker Barrel (in Springville) for lunch because he wanted to buy some of the bottles of unique root beer they have, so we went to Smith's Marketplace nearby for groceries.

Adam and I were shocked by prices and unfamiliar with the layout and ended up forgetting a lot of stuff.

We're Winco people now, that is all.

Later in the afternoon, Adam said he was going back to Winco and I said I would go with him.  Going to two groceries stores on the same day by myself would have been miserable, but going with Adam is a different matter altogether.

We got the actual stuff we needed and I made bran muffins for dinner.  Adam made us smoothies.  I told him it tasted like a salad (it was very kale, spinach and carrot heavy).  He added more berries and I added honey.  

It ended up being good.

Easter Sunday was a very nice day.  For one thing, Adam didn't have a lot of meetings.  I sang in the choir and cried my feelings through most of the meeting.  Adam had created a program with a lot of readings and singing and the ordinance of the sacrament was late in the program, which felt like kind of a climax and it was very powerful.  I was not the only one teary.  One of the priests was crying when he blessed the sacrament and if you don't think a teenage boy crying because he feels the Spirit would make me cry more, you would be wrong.

I felt very grateful for my Savior, Jesus Christ.  I am grateful for what He did so that I can be with my family again, I can repent and my grief can find a balm.  It is the best possible news.

After church, I made the dessert and set the table.

First things first.

Besides our two kids, we had Hyrum and his girlfriend, Alena, and Carolina.  We feasted like kings.  Emma picked a song for us to sing, we opened the Easter story eggs my mom made for us many years ago (the cloves still smell good!), and Adam did the Easter reading.

After everyone left, Adam and I took a walk in the PG cemetery which is one of our favorite places to walk.  Also, like I told him, I think there is something kind of poetic about walking in a cemetery on Easter.

Such a happy time!

Grateful Friday

I have made an effort to celebrate the Easter season more meaningfully this year and it has made a difference for me.

Adam has a reading he came up with in college (when he was Erin and my home teacher), where he reads from Luke 2 and the Book of Mormon about Christ being born with the backdrop of Silent Night by Mannheim Steamroller.

I love it.

He has perfected the timing over the years and it is one of my favorite parts of our Christmas celebration.  Braeden does the same reading with his little family and the past few years, Adam has had Mark do the reading and I love that too.

I wanted something similar for Easter.

I'll probably need another 30 years to perfect it (and I am hoping Adam will look at it with me this weekend and help me refine it).  Here's what I have though.  Just putting this much of it together was good for me.  The entire Easter story fills me with sadness and wonder and awe and gratitude and joy.  

Matthew 26

And they stripped him, and put on him a scarlet robe.

And when they had plaited a crown of thorns, they put it upon his head, and a reed in his right hand: and they bowed the knee before him, and mocked him, saying, Hail, King of the Jews!

And they spit upon him, and took the reed, and smote him on the head.

And after that they had mocked him, they took the robe off from him, and put his own raiment on him, and led him away… 

And they crucified him…

And set up over his head his accusation written, THIS IS JESUS THE KING OF THE JEWS.

And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? that is to say, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?

Jesus, when he had cried again with a loud voice, yielded up the ghost.

And, behold, the veil of the temple was rent in twain from the top to the bottom; and the earth did quake, and the rocks rent;

3 Nephi 8

And the people began to look with great earnestness for the sign which had been given by the prophet Samuel, the Lamanite, yea, for the time that there should be darkness for the space of three days over the face of the land.

And there began to be great doubtings and disputations among the people, notwithstanding so many signs had been given.

And it came to pass in the thirty and fourth year, in the first month, on the fourth day of the month, there arose a great storm, such an one as never had been known in all the land.

And there was also a great and terrible tempest; and there was terrible thunder, insomuch that it did shake the whole earth as if it was about to divide asunder.

And thus the face of the whole earth became deformed, because of the tempests, and the thunderings, and the lightnings, and the quaking of the earth.

And it came to pass that when the thunderings, and the lightnings, and the storm, and the tempest, and the quakings of the earth did cease—and then behold, there was darkness upon the face of the land.

And it came to pass that there was thick darkness upon all the face of the land, insomuch that the inhabitants thereof who had not fallen could feel the vapor of darkness;

And there could be no light, because of the darkness, neither candles, neither torches; neither could there be fire kindled with their fine and exceedingly dry wood, so that there could not be any light at all;

And there was not any light seen, neither fire, nor glimmer, neither the sun, nor the moon, nor the stars, for so great were the mists of darkness which were upon the face of the land.

Luke 23

And, behold, there was a man named Joseph…and he was a good man, 

This man went unto Pilate, and begged the body of Jesus.

And he took it down, and wrapped it in linen, and laid it in a sepulchre that was hewn in stone, wherein never man before was laid.

And that day was the preparation, and the sabbath drew on.

And the women also, which came with him from Galilee, followed after, and beheld the sepulchre, and how his body was laid.

And they returned, and prepared spices and ointments; and rested the sabbath day according to the commandment.

Luke 24

Now upon the first day of the week, very early in the morning, they came unto the sepulchre, bringing the spices which they had prepared, and certain others with them.

And they found the stone rolled away from the sepulchre.

And they entered in, and found not the body of the Lord Jesus.

And it came to pass, as they were much perplexed thereabout, behold, two men stood by them in shining garments:

And as they were afraid, and bowed down their faces to the earth, they said unto them, Why seek ye the living among the dead?

He is not here, but is risen: 

John 20

Then the disciples went away again unto their own home.

But Mary stood without at the sepulchre weeping: and as she wept, she stooped down, and looked into the sepulchre,

And seeth two angels in white sitting, the one at the head, and the other at the feet, where the body of Jesus had lain.

And they say unto her, Woman, why weepest thou? She saith unto them, Because they have taken away my Lord, and I know not where they have laid him.

And when she had thus said, she turned herself back, and saw Jesus standing, and knew not that it was Jesus.

Jesus saith unto her, Woman, why weepest thou? whom seekest thou? She, supposing him to be the gardener, saith unto him, Sir, if thou have borne him hence, tell me where thou hast laid him, and I will take him away.

Jesus saith unto her, Mary. She turned herself, and saith unto him, Rabboni; which is to say, Master.

3 Nephi 11

And now it came to pass that there were a great multitude gathered together, of the people of Nephi, round about the temple which was in the land Bountiful; and they were marveling and wondering one with another, and were showing one to another the great and marvelous change which had taken place.

And they were also conversing about this Jesus Christ, of whom the sign had been given concerning his death.

And it came to pass that while they were thus conversing one with another, they heard a voice as if it came out of heaven; and they cast their eyes round about, for they understood not the voice which they heard; and it was not a harsh voice, neither was it a loud voice; nevertheless, and notwithstanding it being a small voice it did pierce them that did hear to the center, insomuch that there was no part of their frame that it did not cause to quake; yea, it did pierce them to the very soul, and did cause their hearts to burn.

And behold, the third time they did understand the voice which they heard; and it said unto them:

Behold my Beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased, in whom I have glorified my name—hear ye him.

And it came to pass, as they understood they cast their eyes up again towards heaven; and behold, they saw a Man descending out of heaven; and he was clothed in a white robe; and he came down and stood in the midst of them; and the eyes of the whole multitude were turned upon him, and they durst not open their mouths, even one to another, and wist not what it meant, for they thought it was an angel that had appeared unto them.

And it came to pass that he stretched forth his hand and spake unto the people, saying:

Behold, I am Jesus Christ, whom the prophets testified shall come into the world.

And behold, I am the light and the life of the world

The Living Christ

We solemnly testify that His life, which is central to all human history, neither began in Bethlehem nor concluded on Calvary. He was the Firstborn of the Father, the Only Begotten Son in the flesh, the Redeemer of the world.

Haikus

We talked all about the 5-7-5 pattern.  I read them examples.  We discussed.

Then I gave them a worksheet where they were to write the topic of their haiku followed by words related to their topic.  There was a little circle where they could write the number of syllables in each word.

This was all meant to scaffold the writing of the haiku.

One of my smart girls whipped out her whiteboard and quickly wrote a haiku.  She said, "I don't need to use the worksheet."

Her haiku was not very interesting.  It had the 5-7-5 pattern perfectly, but just said over and over that her dad was the best. (Every line had dad and best in it.)

I told her that I thought she could do better.  I said, "I want you to spend more time and think up more interesting words.  Use that creative brain of yours."

She was huffy, but went back to her seat.  I was engaged spelling endless words for a stream of children coming to my desk. (I write words on little pieces of paper and send them on their way.  It is more efficient than spelling out loud for them.)

When it was her turn in the line, she slid her paper across the desk with a smug smile.

I tried and mostly succeeded at not smiling and said, "OK."

I handed her the next page where she was to write the actual haiku.  I think that surprised her.  I said, "You can write a haiku about that, or I can give you a new page and you can start over."

She said she would start over.

I spend my days torn between gathering up the stragglers who can't keep up with the class and reining in students like her and trying to keep them from being "so stinking bored out of (their) mind(s)."

I pull and push.  That's my job.

One of the most elementary school things that has ever happened to me

 Yesterday I took my class to lunch.  Second grade is leaving the lunch room as we are walking in.  A second grader, who I don't know, stopped right in front of me and said, "Hey!"  Then he stared at me intently.

So I said, "Hey," back to him.

He asked, "Do you want a stamp?"

I said OK.

He grabbed my hand and uncapped his little stamper and stamped a smiley face on my hand and then he went to recess.

1) cute kid

2) random

3) no explanation

That is every day at an elementary school.