Grateful Friday

 Well, turns out chemo isn't exactly in my skill set.  I wasn't very good at it.

They accessed the port, gave me Tylenol, gave me a shot in my stomach, gave me a steroid (them: this may make it hard to sleep tonight) and Benadryl (me: this may just fix the steroid sleep thing).

Then they started the drug.  I was humming along and then I felt this heaviness in my chest and a panicky feeling of dread.  (Mark said that could be adrenaline and he feels the same way when his blood sugar goes way low.). I had about three nurses clamoring around me.  They shut off the IV and checked my oxygen (low) and blood pressure (also low).  They had me breathing oxygen through a tube in seconds and gave me saline in the IV and everything eventually calmed down.  

I learned something.  I was wearing this dark red nail polish and the oxygen sensor things they put on your finger don't work as well with dark nail polish.  I had to have it on sideways.  (I have since removed my nail polish!)

They started me back up eventually at a lower rate.  They crept it up again and I had an even bigger reaction.  This time I had lower back cramping which was my kidneys being unhappy with the situation.  They did all the same things again.

My doctor came and talked to me and said basically that it wasn't going to plan.  They had thought they would get the entire IV bag done yesterday and then do a different drug today (and it would only be for an hour).

He said, "So you'll be here all day again tomorrow."

After a while I started to feel better again and they started the medicine on a slow drip.  

Later, when I was in the bathroom and I saw my reflection.  I was pale.  Adam said he had never seen me so pale.  It was a wild ride.

I'm so grateful for medicine though.  I'm grateful I had my AirPods to help me relax.  I listened to the tail end of the Follow Him podcast and I listened to my playlist of BYU choirs singing hymns.  (I pretend I can hear Emma.)  I did a meditation when I was feeling really panicked and it helped.  I'm grateful Janet suggested bringing headphones as well as mints because the medicine left me an unpleasant taste in my mouth.

I'm grateful for everyone who called/texted to check in on me.  I'm grateful for prayers on my behalf.  I'm grateful for Adam who refilled my ice water cup approximately 70 times.

I'm grateful for Cortney bringing me dinner she and Danielle had prepared.  They carefully had designated which things were gluten free and which were not.  

I feel loved and cared for.  My body feels wacky, like it doesn't know if I'm tired or what, but I did it.  I am 1/12 of the day done (assuming I can ever get that IV bag accomplished today).

The steroids had me awake around 3:45 this morning.  I had sort of expected that so I read and relaxed and didn't worry about it.  Besides, I had gone to bed early.  

I am ready for another day in the chair.  I've already learned some things that will help.  I can do this!