Port placement

 I was stressed about the procedure, I think especially since Adam is halfway around the world.  I dreamt all night that nurses were telling me that my lymphoma was "really bad" and asking me if I knew how many lymph nodes I have that are enlarged.  They told me, "it is a lot."

I woke up and felt relieved that it was a dream, but also unsettled.

Emma and I went to the hospital and of course they'd given me the wrong time.  They have been "getting a new system" at the hospitals and they have been using it as an excuse for the past three weeks.  Eventually they need to figure it out....

I showed up at 8:00 because that's when My Chart said to come.  The person who I talked to didn't tell me a time, so I just went with My Chart.

I was actually scheduled for 10:00.  

The people at the hospital are very nice though.  They got me in early.  They did the IV and gave me the "gown" to wear and  the grippy socks.  The nurse was taking my blood pressure on my left arm and it is still really sore--nerve damage--from the surgery and I started crying.

I wasn't just crying because it hurt--although it did--I was just crying because of everything.  I am tired of all these procedures.  I don't even recover from one when I get started on the next.  It is a lot.  Especially with Adam gone.

The nurse was very kind and handed me a Kleenex and then she handed Emma one too because when I cry, Emma cries.  

In the time we were waiting for the procedure, me in the world's least comfortable bed and Emma in a chair by my side, she did Buzzfeed quizzes with me to find out which Brooklyn 99, Jane Austin, and Parks and Rec character I was and which Disney princess.

I finally had the procedure and it was fine.  It's nothing I would do for a good time, but I survived it.  I had conscious sedation--second time for that--and I am pretty out of it during that.

Once I was back with Emma and a little more lucid, we talked about Christmas gifts for my students and she showed me apartments she is considering.  After a few hours of recovery time, Emma drove me home.  I told her she didn't need to hang out any more and she said, "I just want to get you settled."  That meant me in my recliner.  It's comfortable.  I am grateful for Emma.  She kept me entertained and cried with me and walked behind me in the hall when I went to the bathroom and kept reassuring me that my hospital gown was staying closed.

She's pretty great as daughters go.

Sleeping last night was rough.  I couldn't sleep on either side, just flat on my back.  I spent some of the time in my chair and some in my bed.  I think staying home today would have been a good idea, but I have parent teacher conferences.

So here I go.  It feels daunting, but I've been daunted before.