I am still walking through a fog of grief. It emerges in tears sometimes, like yesterday when an unwitting aide, who I don't even know that well, came to tell me she was sorry.
Later, Jamie came in to hug me and we cried a little too. Janelle brought me a cookie and a condolence card. I work with the nicest people.
Besides that, besides being blindsided by all of that, there are just wacky things that happen in a day at school.
Yesterday we were in the middle of math; they were doing a test.
A guy walked in from the district. My cabinets were ready to be installed. (I knew it was happening some time this week, but I had no indication of when. Luckily I had already emptied all the drawers and cupboards.)
So amidst the squirrelly children who can't really sit still and not get distracted anyway, they started disassembling my cabinets. During math. It was fine.
There was sawing and drilling and then there was a horrible sulphur stench. There was all the mildew of the rotten cabinets being unearthed. There was a ton of dust.
During math.
I opened the outside door and the hall door for some fresh air. We soldiered on. I sent them to recess a little early.
During recess I went to the library and asked Pam, the librarian, if she was having classes come in or if we could decamp there. She said we could. We packed up computers and phonics books and pencils and headed to the library. It didn't really go that well. I ended up just reading to them for the last 15 minutes. Then we had our regularly scheduled library time and then lunch.
When I got back to the classroom, the workers were gone. Were they coming back? Ever?
It was unclear.
It looked like this + a thick layer of dust everywhere.
On the one hand, they will be so great! Clean and sturdy and not water damaged! The doors may even close!
On the other hand, did it have to be so ugly? That is not real wood, but a plastic-y laminate. As such, it could have been any color. Did it have to be a pinky orange that matches literally nothing in the entire school? Also, that light wood is the underside of the countertop. The countertop is gray. It doesn't look so great next to the cabinets but they (obviously) didn't ask me.
Sigh.
Beggars can't be choosers.
One of my students asked me if I had to pay for the new cabinets with my own money. Thankfully no.
Also yesterday I got a text from my cousin Jessica who lives in Texas. She said she and her mom were driving through and had some stuff for me. She wondered the best way to get it to me. I told her the school was way closer to the freeway than my house so they brought it there. It was after school by the time they got there. I met them outside and hugged my aunt Jennifer and Jessica. I was so happy to see them and it was an unexpected gift to stand outside my school in the afternoon sunshine and chat with them for a few minutes. They had a box of memorabilia of my grandparents'. Jennifer said that since I got the house, I am keeper of the memories. I told her that was a lot of pressure.
My classroom was a hot mess and I was going to tidy up before I went home but there was nowhere to put anything in the construction site, so I just left.
When I got home, Mark and I talked and cried a little and hugged some more (I think he may be our child that is struggling the most, but also he is the only one I live with so I don't know). Then we looked through the box from Jennifer.
There are pictures of the burned brick house. It reminds me of the sturdy resilience of my grandparents.
Their blood is in my veins. With that, I will continue. Even if the workers show up again. During math.
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