Fall Break

First of all, let's hear it for my delusions.  I took three books to read and my cross-stitch so I'd have something to do.

We mostly worked really hard with some lovely breaks.

My delusional self didn't realize how dirty the house would be.  There were thick layers of construction dust and no-one-has-lived-in-this-house-for-years dust.

We cleaned and cleaned and cleaned.

We didn't have any furniture besides a bed, so I just kept going.  There was no place to sit down.

I got over 12,000 steps every day; on Saturday I got almost 15,000 steps on my fitbit.

I took lovely walks with my sisters.  It was like walking through calendar pages, it was so beautiful.

When I dusted this picture of my grandparents and hung it back on the wall where it was when we bought the house, I considered how much I want Eleanor to know about them.

On Saturday we had cleaned everything enough to bring in the pedestal table from the garage.  The table had been in the house originally.  It had been in the brick house before it burned.  There is some debate over whether or not it was in the house when my grandparents purchased the ranch. 

I have always loved the table.

My aunt Jennifer inherited it, but gave it back to us because "it belongs there."  I am still astounded by that generosity.  She sent it from Oklahoma with my cousin and his wife last summer.

We assembled it and put it where it belongs.

Tables are magical.  

Thursday night we ate dinner with Olivia and Edgar and Robert (Marianne wasn't home).  She invited us and it is always exciting to be invited to their house for Mexican food.  Edgar knows his stuff.  

Friday we ate at Betaso's (a Mexican-American but, delightfully, a tiny bit Chinese, restaurant) with Marianne after watching Marcos and Ruben in their cross-country race and then Saturday she had us over for lunch too.

Saturday night we had my parents for dinner on their way home from the hospital.  It was a very subpar dinner compared to what Olivia and Marianne had served us, but we can't all.  And some of us don't.

Sitting around a table is the thing though.  That's what I remember more than the food.

Sunday morning, our weekend took a turn.  Adam's brother, Brian, called him.  He told him that our sweet niece, Raelyn, had been killed as an innocent victim in an unexpected tragedy.  I think Adam and I were in shock.  We irrationally decided that we wouldn't tell Mark because "maybe it wasn't true."

We didn't want it to be true.  And we wanted to spare Mark the pain.  But that's not really possible.

I said, "We should drive to Seattle."  I said, "We should go back to Utah and fly there."

Tickets were nearly $1000.

Adam said, "I want to go to church."

So we did.

His mom called on the way and Adam talked to her rather than put the call over the car speaker.  He hung up the phone and Mark said, "What is going on?"

So we told him.

In sacrament meeting, I looked over and my sweet boy who never cries had tears dripping off his face.

We left after sacrament meeting and called the other kids.  Mark left quickly to be with Emma and Adam and I hastily got packed up to go back to Utah too.  We are staying the course for now and will make plans to go to Seattle when we know about the funeral arrangements.

We talked to family throughout the day.  We offered words of love and consolation and testimony and it all felt hollow.  It is devastating to lose someone you love.

I'm grateful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  As sad as I feel, my faith sustains me.  I picture Raelyn's spirit, free from any challenges she had in her mortal life, being welcomed by her beloved Grandpa Linn.  I can hear the excitement in her voice, "Grandpa!"

I know that Heavenly Father loves Raelyn.  I know He loves her grieving family.  I know this isn't the end for any of us.  

I know my heart hurts.

Raelyn, Emma and Talia

I keep thinking about Linn and Geri and the magic they created for their grandchildren.  Those kids love each other and have a shared history of fun with their grandparents.

I keep thinking about the way Raelyn loved everyone and how everyone loved her.  She was a unifier.  She was glue that held us together and spice that added interest.

I love this picture, taken last month, of her holding Eleanor.

That pure smile on Raelyn's face is how I will always remember her.