I know

 Yesterday I felt SO sick before school.  It just kept getting worse.  I was nauseous and dizzy and just awful.

Right before I left for school, I prayed.  I just needed help and fast.  I drove to school and stopped by Jamie's office for a Diet Coke. 

I told my students that I wasn't feeling well and I had a headache and could they possibly not be crazy?

They did what third graders always do and show you that no, they can't do that.

Still, after about an hour, I started to feel better.  I was moving a bit gingerly; I wasn't 100%, but I felt SO much better.

Jeff had seen me first thing with my Diet Coke and he asked me how I was and I said not good.

At lunch he was in the cafeteria when I dropped off my class and he asked me how I was and I said that I was feeling better.  I said, "Prayers work."

He said, "Yes. They do."

I could never prove to anyone that it is prayer that is getting me through some of these days, but I know it just the same.

There was another miracle in the day.  I have a student who is just the naughtiest.  He is also so cute and so earnest.  He is as lacking in impulse control as he is in guile.  And his English is very wobbly and he asks me for clarification of words he doesn't understand which melts my heart and then he just goes on being so naughty.  He rolls on the floor.  He takes things from other people.  He throws his paper on the floor (often after he has ripped it up).  He is never in his seat.  Never.

I had a behavior chart for him Tuesday.  He didn't end up getting the reward because he spent the afternoon in the office.  Yesterday, he got his reward!  I was maybe lenient, but I wanted him to get the reward so that maybe he would stay motivated.

Maren was teaching writing (bless her!) as part of her student teaching and he was lying on the floor, having hurled his ripped paper in the garbage.  I coaxed him over to my desk and showed him his chart.  He needed 19 smiles to get a prize.  He counted how many he already had and I could see his mind doing a quick cost-benefit analysis and he finally decided he couldn't let writing slip by without earning a smile.  I said, "You'd better go ask for another paper."  He did.  He worked hard (mostly) the rest of the day.

After school he sifted through my prize box and said, "This is good!"

I tried to give him all the praise.  Do it again!  You can do it!

Today I have district training for 3rd grade teachers.  I got an email yesterday that my sub canceled the job.  That's always a little unsettling.  This morning I saw it was picked up by someone else.

I'm leaving the training early to go to my oncology appointment.  Mark is my plus one and Adam is going to join us on the phone from Chicago.  On the one hand I feel nervous about the appointment and on the other hand, maybe the days of white-knuckling it through the day are actually helping me.  

I can do this.

I keep proving it.

One day at a time.