What I learned

 I saw a text message from Marianne this morning:

Did you learn anything?

She meant about my PET scan.  I didn't.  But I think I did learn something.

My doctor was supposed to call yesterday.  I checked my phone throughout the day.  Once school was out, I turned the ringer on and carried my phone with me every time I left the classroom.

He didn't call.

On my drive home, I called the doctor's office.  They said, "He has the note.  He will call you.  Probably at the end of the day."

So I waited.  

I had an increasingly anxious knot in my stomach as the time slipped by.  5:00 turned to 5:15 turned to 5:30.  I wondered when his end of the day was.  Did he make calls after hours?

5:30 turned to 5:45 turned to 6:00.

That's when I knew he probably wasn't calling.  I started feeling mad.  Why couldn't he just call?!?  I know he has the results.  I thought about those rage rooms where you throw dishes and things.  Maybe I needed that.

Then, on the heels of that idea, I stopped.

What if I didn't get mad?  What if I didn't let it ruin my (and Adam's and Mark's) evening?  If I did get mad and cry (I definitely felt like crying) and moaned all evening, it would probably disrupt my much needed sleep, but it wouldn't mean that the doctor would call any sooner.

So I decided to just not.

I still feel frustrated by the entire thing, but I had a normal evening.  We even started watching The Thursday Murder Club (I was too tired to finish it).

So I didn't learn anything new about my health, but I did learn that I am in charge of me.  I can decide where to focus my limited energy.