I think I can, I think I can

 Yesterday we had Camp Day.  Miriam and Alissa moved their desks and set up tents in their classrooms.  My part of Camp Day is an art project and they need desks, plus I don't want to mess with tents. 

(I like not camping.)

My same student who groused about not liking the treat from testing, was unhappy we didn't have tents (even though we were rotating classes and he would get to be in tents).  I called him over to my desk and told him that him complaining made me want to do less for him.

He stopped complaining.  

I read them The Berenstain Bears book The Bear Scouts.  They love it just like I loved it when I was their age.  That silly Papa Bear....

Then we did our art project.   It all went well and I did it three times and didn't run out of any of the art supplies so high fives all around.

We worked on their memory books in the afternoon and I spelled a million words for them.  One student was just having me spell everything.  She even asked how to spell OK.

I said, "I bet you can figure that one out."

She looked mystified and then it occurred to her.

They got to sign autographs with other third graders so everyone was running around getting signatures like they weren't going to lose the memory book 15 minutes after they got home.

During recess, I noticed the 6th grade boys playing kickball with all the intensity of 6th grade boys who are going against the teachers the next day.  I said, "Are you guys practicing for tomorrow?"

One of my former students said, "Yes, and Coach Childs thinks we have a 50-50 chance."

I didn't tell him, but they don't have a 50-50 chance.  The teachers are not in a mood to show mercy to 6th graders at the end of the school year.

I will do my typical duties of holding all the teachers' keys and cell phones and minding all the children.  In addition to liking not to camp, I like to not play kickball.

Mark came after school and helped me get my room whipped into shape.  He'll come back Thursday to help me cover everything since we are getting new ceiling tiles and the other ones have been there since 1977.  They are expecting a lot of dust and we need to plan accordingly.

The last week of school

Yesterday my team and I were talking before school.  We all agreed that this is not our favorite week.  We are less teachers and more camp counselors.  Basically we are just trying to keep things going.  For science we talked about pushes and pulls and force and I had those little frogs you push down on and they jump.  I made a bracket and we had a competition.  A little bit educational.

My hardest student was gone.  It was an amazing day.  Remarkable.  I kept wondering where half the class was.  

He was the only one absent.

Never let anyone tell you one person can't make a difference!

In order to balance the aggravation scales, I didn't have that extra measure of energy sapping, but I have lost our mail key!

It is so frustrating.  Losing things is the worst.  We have a locked mailbox down the street and I always keep the mail key in a little compartment in my car.  For reasons beyond my understanding, we don't have a spare.  But in nearly 12 years of living here, I've never once lost the mail key.

I have looked everywhere. Multiple times.  I have looked all over my car and in my bag and every coat pocket.  Everywhere.  The best I can determine, maybe I accidentally threw it in the recycling bin when I was recycling junk mail.  (Although I always leave it in the car, so I don't know why I wouldn't have done that.  Except I didn't.)

I need to go to the post office in person, which feels like adding insult to injury.  They will likely have to drill it out and issue a new key and it will take "7 to 14 days" and I just want to hit my head against the wall.

Ugh.

At least my hardest student was absent.

Also, we had our animal showcase.  Each student had an art project about their animal and they had written a paragraph about the animal they had researched.  They did a great job.  Their parents came to see the projects.  The students were super nervous, which I didn't really understand.  Then I realized some of them were nervous their parents wouldn't come.  And several of the parents didn't come.

The parents who did come went around and looked at other students' work which was so kind.  One of the mothers in particular was so friendly and made even the most reticent students come alive and talk about their projects.  It made me happy.

There are a lot of ways in this world to be a hero.

Weekend

I left school in a ratty mood on Friday.  I had created a wrapped box for my students with seven ribbons tied around it.  Every time we finished a test, we cut a ribbon.  They were excited to know what was inside.  Several of them asked me if I knew what was inside.

Do they know how the world works?  I wrapped it....

We cut the last ribbon and their prize was that they could either choose Takis or Twinkies (for the white kids for whom the Takis are too spicy).  Most of them were thrilled.  A few of the boys complained that they had been "scammed" and "gypped."  I don't know what they were thinking would be inside the shoebox sized box.  A new car for everyone?

It bugged me though.  I don't have to give them anything, and I told them that.  I said, "Buying you treats is not part of my job and you don't have to have one if you don't want one."

They looked chagrined and took a package of Takis.  Some of the girls, who are more socially aware, thanked me in an exaggerated fashion, then gave those boys a side eye.

Their behavior was pretty wild too. We practiced for our animal showcase.  The parents are coming today to see their projects and we had them show their projects to the other third grade classes.  It was chaotic.  The past few years I have done the same fun activities the last week of school.  This year I also have a stack of worksheets because this group can't really handle much unstructured time.  If they lose it, we'll just do worksheets.

I had gone to school early several times in the week so that I could leave early Friday.  I went home and we finished packing up and hit the road for Starr Valley.  I think by the time we hit the dirt road, my shoulders had fully relaxed.  Adam emptied the mouse trap (I am grateful for him!) and Mark immediately started vacuuming flies although there weren't too many.  I wiped off the counter and put stuff away and took the dust-covers off the furniture.  Soon enough we were in good shape.  We went over to visit my dad.  He shaved his mustache to work at the temple and he looks more like his brothers without it.  We enjoyed visiting him and I missed my mom.

Saturday morning Hannah and I took a walk.  (I would have tried to have Olivia join us, but she was at a track meet.)  While I was tying my shoes, Hannah said, "Look at those tiny petite shoes!  You are so little!"

Only one of my Dahl cousins would think that my size 9 shoes are tiny and petite.

We started walking and talking and soon enough we were both crying.  We talked about grief and life and things we have learned in the past year.  Losing her daughter, Norah, last October has changed Hannah.  She was always my beautiful and stellar cousin.  Now she is more wise and compassionate and has been refined into someone else.  I will think about some of the things she told me she's learning for a long time.  When we got back to our house, we sat down inside and visited.  She wanted to share something on her phone but didn't have her reading glasses.  I gave her mine, but they are progressive lenses and it made it worse.  I went and got Adam's glasses off his nightstand and they worked.

I still marvel that we used to play in the orchard and sit on Olivia's bed (Olivia, Britta, Hannah and me) and draw page after page of girls in fancy dresses.  

Now we need reading glasses.

I used my Tineco mop (with the replaced part so it no longer leaks) and cleaned the floors.  It is an amazing machine and I couldn't be more happy about it!  Adam and Mark worked outside.  My dad came over for lunch.  He drove his excavator over.  I asked him what he was doing and he said, "I thought you might want to drive it."

Ha ha.

He had brought it over for a project though and wanted to leave it there, so we gave him a ride home.  First, after eating and visiting a bit, we went to the cemetery.  We saw my mom's grave and Norah's, then my grandma and grandpa's grave as well as my cousin Amanda.

Here my dad was telling us some story and Mark snapped a picture.  That sky!

When we were dropping my dad off, I decided I wanted to go and talk to him more.  I did and had a good talk and a good cry.  I told him that it is a good thing I don't have an eye condition that is worsened by crying....

I am grateful to have my dad.  He is wise and gentle and a good listener.

He took me back home and I was emotionally spent, but better after all the crying.  I think I've been on autopilot a lot, just getting through the days.  It's good to have a cleansing cry every once in a while and confront whatever is beneath the surface.

A piece of Adam's sprinkler system broke off inside another piece and he thought he was going to have to go to town and buy a new part.  We took it over to my dad and of course my dad could fix it.  

We had dinner and then I looked around longingly at the little house and declared I didn't want to leave.  It is the same every time.  

Sunday we woke up to falling snow.  I took a picture out the kitchen window.

Adam braved the elements and took a picture outside from the exact view as his sunset picture from 12 hours earlier.

In this chaotic weather year, we had a winter without nearly enough snow, it got warm, then cold and the blossoms froze, then it was blazing hot, everything's dry too soon and then snow on May 17.  

We went to church (I brought sandals).  I finally saw Olivia at church.  I asked her what she was doing during the second hour.  She said, "Sunday School?"  I said I thought maybe we could visit.  She said, "I guess we could have a presidency meeting."

Adam and Mark went to Sunday School.  After, Adam said, "Your dad asked where you were."

I said, "And you ratted me out?"

When I hugged my dad good-bye he asked me if we had everything decided in our presidency meeting.  I said, "Yes, it was very productive."

We headed back to Utah, stopping in Salt Lake to briefly visit Emma.  Mostly we were all cold and tired and happy to get home.

Grateful Friday

 I am grateful we are going to Starr Valley for the weekend.  I am looking forward to seeing my dad and Olivia's family.  I am looking forward to our little house.  I am hoping we still have some lilacs to take to my mom's grave.

I am grateful for my team.  Yesterday we mapped out the rest of the year.  When I said, "But what are you doing that afternoon?" because we are finishing up a lot of the regular curriculum, they gave me good ideas.

I am grateful for my students.  Those maddening chaotic students are very sweet.  I love when one of them sidles up to my desk first thing in the morning to tell me a tale.  Yesterday a boy told me about the only time he ever saw his dad cry when both of his dad's parents died on the same day.  He told me he hadn't ever met those grandparents because they live in Mexico.  He told me that his parents couldn't afford a plane ticket when they came to the United States so they walked.  He was two years old at the time.

I said, "So you had a big adventure even though you don't remember it."

He is such a dear boy.  When he isn't rolling on the floor or being a scoundrel in one way or another, he is telling me he loves me or earnestly trying to finish his work even though it is really hard for him.

I am grateful these children were my people this year.  It was for sure the hardest school year I've had.  I had some really difficult students and, you know, cancer, and my mom passing away.  It's been a lot.  But they were my people and I love them.

Eventually I will stop talking about end of year testing....

 Yesterday we had a leadership meeting after school.  Matt had us report on our celebrations surrounding test data.  Basically he wanted to hear from those who had either met or exceeded their goals.

I had nothing to add.

It is depressing.  We didn't reach our goal; we tried so hard!

In order to stop perseverating on the unmet goals, here are some other things to report on.

The preschool teacher gave all of us a personalized and homemade keychain.  So kind!

My hardest student (the one I talk about often) had the most growth of any boy in math.  He went from well below grade level to proficient at grade level and it feels like the biggest win in the world (until I start thinking about those goals again....).

Also, Emma sends me stuff like this:

me if I were a british person with an unsuccessful tea business in a rap battle against someone who refused to shop at my store and I wanted them to feel bad about it:

i'm losing pounds like i'm on a diet/i sell a cuppa but you never buy it

It's hard not to be happy when Emma is in my world.

Times are changing

 Mark helped me assemble end of year gifts for my students last night.  We are in the winding down scenes.  We are finishing up our last tests.  I am trying to declutter my classroom a bit.  We are feeling collective angst about some test scores and cheering each other on about the good ones.  (The disappointing ones hold more weight in our hearts.)

It has been unseasonably warm.  The weather all year has been sort of wacky.  

I haven't been sleeping well and I think it is a confluence of a lot of circumstances, but it is also a fact that my routine is changing and I am a toddler.  It throws me off when my routine changes.

Despite being thrown off, there are a lot of things to look forward to this summer.  I am excited about some trips and looking forward to spending time in Starr Valley.  I want to roast marshmallows for s'mores and watch the sunset and fireworks from our deck.

I want to eat berries.

The last field trip

 Yesterday we went to the Bean Museum at BYU.  I had a plan that I would be with my hardest student and I had the rest of the students divided between the parent volunteers.  One of the parents was sick and couldn't make it so I had the hardest student and her group.

It was hard.

Before we left, he told me he felt like throwing up.  A glimmer of hope!  Maybe my day wouldn't be as hard!  His mom was at work and he insisted he couldn't call her and he insisted he was feeling better.  I didn't really believe him, but I didn't know what else to do.

He rallied health wise, because keeping up with him was the challenge of the day.  I had a sweet boy who wanted to look at everything, another boy who just wandered off at every juncture, a climber and then that hardest boy who just ran around and touched everything he wasn't supposed to touch.  

It was exhausting.

We finally left the museum and went to a park for lunch and to let them play.  It was hot--near 90.  A lot of my students were spinning and spinning on the playground equipment and then they lay on the grass moaning because they were so dizzy.  We walked back to the school and the students were sort of wilting in the hotter day than they've been used to.  My hardest student pulled away from me the entire way back to the school.  I had an iron grip on his arm and he seriously would have fallen over if I'd let go because he was pulling so much against me.

Sometimes I wonder why he isn't ever absent, but then I realize that if I were his mother, he would never be absent.

I read to them with the lights dim when we got back to the school.  They got a lot of drinks and several of them told me they were going to throw up so I placed the garbage next to them.  No one threw up.  We survived the day.

We only have one more Monday.