Grateful Friday

 I am grateful to be home!  We had a wonderful trip and an exhausting trip!  Adam and Mark kept telling me that compared to three months ago, I was doing really well.  I wish I'd been doing better; I got super tired and kind of sick by the end.

It was still a great trip and I'm grateful we got to take it.

In the coming days, my blog will turn into a travelogue and I'll record it all.

For now, I'm grateful on this sunny Friday.  I'm grateful for the mountains and blue sky and the lit up strawberry on the mountain that greeted us last night when we drove home from the airport.  (Strawberry Days in Pleasant Grove.)  I'm grateful we could take Mark on our trip.  He supplied music and mapping and carried my bag at times and gave me encouragement when I was flagging.

I'm grateful for Adam.  He makes things (like memorable trips) happen.  He works so hard, always, and it ends up all his hard work enables a pretty good life.  I'm grateful for the way he figures things out, like public transit and freeways.  I'm grateful he's always looking for one more thing we can do to make the trip even better.  I'm grateful he does his best to take care of us.  He took finding good gluten free food very seriously.  He fixed my back and neck and bought me Blue Machine (which is my likely placebo, but I believe in it anyway, drink that I think helps stave off illness on trips).  He got us extra legroom and late checkouts and traversed several blocks in the rain to check us out of the hotel so I could stay at the art museum.  He is friendly to every service person we encounter. 

Adam figures out the best stuff to do at National Parks.  I am grateful for Adam's natural curiosity and ability to learn quickly.  I take it for granted that while I browse the gift shop, he's going to learn all the things and explain them to me later.  At Indiana Dune National Park, we were leaving the visitor center and he was a little disappointed and said, "They didn't even have information about how the dunes were created."

It wouldn't even occur to me to wonder how the dunes were created.  (I don't know how I was born with such little curiosity and he was born with such extra curiosity.)  Mark pulled it up on his phone and read aloud to Adam while we drove.

There's a reason he knows so much.  He wants to know so much.

I'm grateful he is mine.  I'm grateful for Adam this Father's Day weekend.  His love for our children makes me love him even more.

I'm also grateful for my own dad.  Between having cancer and losing my mom this last year, my dad has done a lot of heavy lifting in the fathering department.  He has been a steady source of strength, someone to be admired and an example to follow.

So pretty much the same way he's been my whole life.  He is clearly not one to buckle under pressure.

My poor nerves

 There are a lot of things I am afraid of.  Hammering nails into drywall is not one of them.

Yesterday I hung up some National Park posters that had been leaning against the wall in our guest room, waiting for me to get it together.  I don't know that I have it together, but I am going through the house in a not very systematic manner, addressing things.

I measured the first one and then gave up.  I was imprecise with my measuring just like I'm imprecise with my eye, but eyeballing it is faster. (Most of the posters were already hung, I did only seven of them yesterday.)

Mark got home from his allergy shot and we decided which park we would revisit first.

Then I had him help me hang this flag above the door in the kitchen.

I can't remember where I got it.  I think at a store in Snohomish.  I am not letting Donald Trump putting his face on everything celebrating 250 years of America ruin my celebration!

Mark made me nervous climbing on a barstool when there was a nearby stepladder.  My children are the Mr. Bennet to my Mrs. Bennet.

Speaking of my poor nerves, this morning I was awakened by the smoke detectors blaring.  I couldn't figure out if I could smell smoke or not.  I was so discombobulated that I couldn't think straight.  Once I ascertained that there was no fire, the smoke detectors were just out to get me, I called Adam.  (Why do smoke detectors have to be so aggravating and why do they only beep for new batteries or have a hissy fit, like they did this morning, when I am asleep?!?)

He had me push the button (I used the stepladder) and it didn't work.  He told me to turn off the breaker.  Still didn't work, but when I went to the basement, I realized the smoke detectors down there were living their best life so that's why Mark hadn't woken up.  

The breakers didn't work either.  Adam's next idea was to disconnect them from the ceiling.  I had to go get our small lightweight ladder to be able to reach that.  One down.  At the next smoke detector, I couldn't get it disconnected and it was hard to reach and Adam (who was still on the phone) told me to go get Mark.  I felt bad disturbing his sleep, but I needed a hero.  A bleary-eyed Mark disconnected the rest for me.  In our room there is a peaked ceiling so Mark had to go get the big, heavy ladder.  As he was lugging it up the stairs, I felt really grateful for that kid.  I think if he hadn't been here to help me, I would have had to just move.

Happily it happened 30 minutes before my alarm was set to go off and not 3 hours before my alarm was set to go off!

Summer house

 

It has been nice to be home the past couple of days.  I walk around switching out a pillow or changing the mantel or moving around some plants.  

When Adam used to travel to London frequently, I often repainted a room when he was gone, to keep myself occupied.

I told Adam the other night that I am rethinking our bedroom, specifically the bedding.  He said, "Aren't we...happy...with our bedding?"

I told him this is my painting a room or rearranging furniture and he gets it.  (Also, if I didn't tell him, he might not notice.  That used to happen sometimes when he went to London.)

Just to satisfy my own nesting, I have been puttering around and giving little seasonal tweaks.  It makes me happy.

Can anyone be uncheered by Marimekko prints?

I walked with Kim this morning and we are loving this milder weather.  It is like Seattle summer around here lately.  Also, I noticed a big difference between my energy yesterday and today.  My body is fighting back after the immunotherapy!

Chasing around

My Grandma Jaynes used to use phrases like chasing around when we were doing errands.  It was always more fun when I chased around with my grandma.  It usually meant she was buying me something.

Yesterday I chased around.

I was able to get an eye appointment in the morning.  Going to the eye doctor is by far the best doctor.  I especially love my doctor's office.  They play instrumental primary music in the waiting room and the whole vibe is just soothing with dark wood furniture and sculptural floral arrangements.  They never weigh you at the eye doctor or take any blood.  Best doctor.

He looked at my eye and declared there is no scarring, which is always a relief because the scarring is what causes blindness.  He also is upping my prescription so I don't have to keep trying to convince my insurance to refill sooner.  Finally, he prescribed another steroid eye drop.  This time he wants me to use it daily since I have suppressed immunity.  I felt good about the whole thing.

When I was leaving, I ran into Tricia in the parking lot, who is my friend from school (reading specialist).  She asked, "What are you doing here?"  I told her I had just seen the eye doctor.  She said that was where she was heading and she pointed to her left eye that was kind of swollen and unhappy looking.

She has the same thing as me and in the same eye!

I went home and started calling pharmacies for Mark's prescription which has been unavailable.  We divided and conquered and finally they had it at Costco.  They said they wouldn't hold it for us.  So we hightailed it over there and they said it would 24-36 hours.  Which is not holding it for us plus, I think.

We went to lunch.  Mark texted our family group chat and I replied while we were standing next to each other in line.

The struggle is real.  I spend all day every day wrangling recalcitrant children during the school year and that urge is not easily ignored in the summer.

I persevered and didn't say a word.  

We drove from Orem to Walgreens in PG because my prescription was ready, but when we arrived, they were on their lunch break.  We went to the UPS store to return something, but turned right around because the store was packed. 

Chasing around (and not much to show for it).

I embarked on the project of putting stuff away and readying QE's room for their visit later this month.  It is something of a holding area (that sounds better than dumping ground).  I took a book down to the basement.  There wasn't space on the shelf where I wanted to put it and I was carrying a handful of other things I was putting away, so I just set it on top of the other books.  Mark asked, "Do you want help?"  

I said, "No, that's Tomorrow Thelma's problem."

My children all know that I have very little confidence in Tomorrow Thelma which is why I rarely procrastinate if I can help it.  In fact, I have been known to say that Tomorrow Thelma is an incompetent cow, so I can't leave things up to her.

I was walking away and Mark said, "I believe in Tomorrow Thelma!  I'm going to get that printed on a t-shirt."

I eventually got my prescription, so that was happy.  

My late afternoon project was to start the process to buy a headstone for my 4th great-grandparents who I of course never knew.  They are buried in the Sandy Cemetery and they don't have a headstone.  I tell myself I am doing it for my Grandma with the Brown Eyes (what we called my Great Grandma Jaynes) because they are her great grandparents and I did know her.  She was 5 when her great grandmother died so I don't think she would have remembered her, but I am doing it all the same.

I called the cemetery and got a headstone company recommendation.  You design it yourself, which feels like a lot of pressure and I'm definitely going to wait until Adam gets home to look at it before I buy it.  He is the measure it guy to my I'm just going to eyeball it.

 I was intrigued with the options, even though I am getting the most barebones headstone they have.  There are all these designs you can add.  Curious, I clicked on "various items" under the artwork tab.

They had one offering.

There was exactly one option:  an alarm clock.  I tried to imagine the scenario when you would want to put an alarm clock on someone's headstone.  An alarm clock that is literally set in stone at 6:15.

"They were never late."

"They were always late."

"It was their time to go."

"It wasn't their time to go."

"They always woke me with a smile."

"This clock shows the time of their birth."

"This clock shows the time of their death."

I want the headstone company to connect me with 1) the person who created this as an option or 2) a person who has ever used it.

I have questions.

Weekend

 Thursday and Friday I was in Heber for my leadership retreat.  It was a good time + I was very tired.  Even though I was tired Wednesday night, I didn't sleep all that well.  I realized later that I had steroids as part of the infusion and that messes with my sleep.  How could I forget?

The meetings were good.  We got up and moved around and arranged ourselves into different groups at different times.  I didn't hate it like I do when I don't know a group well.  I dragged my chair around too, so I could sit down.  Everyone else stood up in our small groups, but they didn't mind looking down at tired me.

We talked about essential standards and learning progressions and collective efficacy groups and vertical alignment and teacher clarity.  A lot for a few days in June, but it was with smart people I really like.  We went to dinner and I was sitting at the same table as Matt so we plied him for information about his take on the district split and the boundary study and he explained the difference between public schools and charter schools because I never totally understood.  We learned last week that he will be our principal for only one more year and that makes us all sad.  He took a director position in one of the new districts.

After dinner we convened back in the conference room for a game.  We divided into three teams and did this escape room type game.  It was really fun for me because it had the types of tasks I like.  It lasted until about 10:00 and I left immediately and went upstairs to my room.  I tried to go to sleep, but I again didn't sleep well.  

I am a toddler and need my wind down routine.

So Friday I was SUPER tired.  So tired.  I got my bloodwork from my doctor visit on Wednesday and it wasn't good.  I had been hoping/expecting a clean bill of health and good proof that my cancer was in remission. 

Adam was driving from Nashville to Louisville with some coworkers so I didn't want to call him for my freak out.  I called Olivia.  She is reliably always up before me so she is a good morning freak out buddy.

After talking to my sympathetic sister, I dried my tears and went to my next day of meetings.  One foot in front of the other.  At breakfast I was sitting with Jamie and Holly, who teaches kindergarten, and Brecken who teaches 2nd grade.  I was telling them about QE and what a blooming genius she is (just ask her nana).  No one gets as excited about phonemic awareness as a table full of teachers at a Best Western hotel breakfast.

They were impressed and told me about a show that helps number sense for our brilliant girl.  

On the drive home, I talked to Adam and also my dad and cried some more and so now I have my eye infection flare up to show for it.

My cancer doctor isn't in on Friday, but Adam fed all my bloodwork into Gemini and it made me feel better that given the treatments I have had and the treatment that I'm still doing, the bloodwork looks as expected.  (At least according to Gemini.)  Later, Adam talked to one of the nurse practitioners that I don't really like (so he took one for the team by calling her) and she confirmed what Gemini said.  A clean bill of health is not the current reality so I have to be OK with that.

I really wanted to talk to my mom, but if I dwell on that too much, my eyes will get way worse from crying.  

I told Mark that he needed to be EXTRA nice to me because I only had enough eye medicine for a few days (my insurance is stingy with refills).  No crying!

Mark is pretty nice to me.

I slept for eleven hours Friday night and that helps, you know.

Mark and I made a shopping list, went to JCWs for lunch and then went to the grocery store.  He is good company.

For the rest of Saturday, I felt increasingly droopy because of my eye.  I decided I needed to call my eye doctor and try to get more medicine.  I have an appointment this morning.

Adam went to Churchill Downs and the Grand Ole Opry over the weekend, so I was able to at least live vicariously through him.

I felt pretty sick on Sunday.  I thought if I wasn't doing primary singing time, I would stay home.  Then I reasoned that I taught school plenty of times when I wasn't feeling well.  It keeps working out.

I napped and rested all afternoon.  Emma had a thing with her ward so she didn't come to dinner.  Mark made fried rice, I napped, I talked to Adam and Emma at the same time.  It was kind of a whimpering end to the weekend.

I am looking forward to better things.

Stewing, but not freezing

 Immunotherapy was rough yesterday.  I felt nauseous during it and wiped out for the rest of the day.  It was supposed to be the Big Scary appointment (in my mind) where they told me the status of my cancer.  There was a mix up with the nurses not being there yet, plus my doctor wasn't there so I met with a nurse practitioner before they accessed my port so I never did hear how things are going with my blood.  I assume they'll email me the results.

Olivia and I had this conversation about something else entirely, but it still applies over and over for as long as I live.

I mostly slouched in my chair + I took a small nap.  I talked to Olivia and Braeden on the phone so that was happy.  I got to see the Young Prince over FaceTime and he is a delight.  At one point, I thought I was in our light-filled little apartment in New Haven, Connecticut because he reminded me so much of Braeden at that age. (The light was supplied by both the sun through the big windows and Braeden's smile.)

Today I am heading to Heber for the leadership retreat.  Last year I froze in my t-shirt and sandals in the enthusiastically air conditioned conference room of the hotel.  I ended up buying a fashionable Heber Valley sweatshirt at Walmart.  It had either an elk or moose on it.  I can tell the difference, I just can't remember.

This year, I am prepared, wearing socks and shoes and taking a jacket.  Maybe I will dig out the sweatshirt and take it too for old time's sake.

Back in the saddle

 By saddle, I mean chair at the cancer center.  I have my immunotherapy today.  Olivia texted me and asked me how I felt about it, was I dreading it?  I am not.  That is something to be glad about.  

I am also not looking forward to it.

Mostly, it wipes me out.  I am grateful that I don't get sick though and I'm grateful the effects won't be too lasting.

I'm really hoping that I will bounce back enough for my leadership retreat which is tomorrow and Friday.  Changes are coming at school and I don't like that.

We've survived changes before.

I've survived the chemicals they pump into me.

Everything's going to be OK.