Weekend

 We knew our fridge was on the struggle bus and Adam had ordered a new one (to be delivered this week), but on Friday morning, when I pulled out my lunch to take to school, it felt decidedly not cold.  I tested the temperature inside the fridge and it was a balmy 60 degrees!

I went to school knowing that I had a project ahead of me.

In another chapter of I never know what will happen at school, we read a story about Garrett Morgan, who invented gas masks and improved traffic lights.  They wondered, like they always do when we read a biography, if he was still alive.  He was born in 1877, so I had them help me do the math to figure it out.

Since he would be 149, I told them that he wouldn't be alive still.

Hands shot up.  The kids who are studying the Old Testament for Come Follow Me this year had to report that people used to live older.  They rattled off the ages of Adam et al.  

OK, OK, but most people don't live that long....

After school, Mark and I pulled everything out of the fridge.  We put condiments in coolers and threw everything else away.  Two garbage bags full of eggs and cheese and meat and dairy products and good leftovers and gross leftovers that no one was going to eat anyway.

It was sad. And for the 1200th time this week alone, I felt very grateful for Mark.

We went to JCWs for dinner.  He convinced me to go there so I could get a peanut butter milkshake to soothe my sore throat.

I had a sore throat which is kind of what-else-is-new, but also annoying.

It didn't take too much convincing because I know those are Mark's favorite GF burgers and I owed him one (or 1200) and also he wasn't wrong about the peanut butter milkshake thing.

We came home and I was tired so I went to bed early.  My throat kept getting more and more sore.  During the night it turned out to be the worst sore throat of my life.  It was only on one side, but swallowing was excruciating.  I texted Adam and he was still awake.  He called me and I couldn't really talk to him, but he told me to gargle with salt water and take medicine and he made me feel better by being Adam.

I did everything he said and was able to sleep.  

Saturday I woke up with a less sore throat, but with feeling generally sick.  Achy and tired and miserable.  Cue pity party of one because I had saved up a bunch of stuff to do Saturday.  And also on the list was figuring out food for the following week that didn't need a refrigerator.  Mark and I were going to go to Costco and Trader Joe's and figure out a freezer heavy meal plan.

I felt very discouraged.

Mark bucked me up like he does.  He kissed my forehead and said to give him a shopping list and that I should rest.  I said he couldn't go to Costco.  He said, "Then I'll go to Walmart.  I can get what we need."

He is just helpful and solid and loving and I don't know what I'd do without that kid.  

I talked to my mom on Saturday.  She is on hospice and there is nothing easy about her life right now.  Despite that, she usually just wants to know how I am.  I cried and told her all my self-pitying circumstances and she was sympathetic.

I also told her that her example means the world to me.  Every time I talk to her, besides her telling me how good my dad is to her, she tells me that every night she prays for the Savior to be with her.  "And He is."

I don't know why she has to suffer and I don't know why any of us have to suffer, but I know and I have always known that my mom is one of the strongest people I know.  Her life has always been one of service and faithfulness and she is no different now, even though she can't do the things she used to do.

Since both my sons and Adam thought I should (and who am I to disagree with the men in my life?), I went to urgent care Saturday night.  It didn't feel exactly like strep throat, but it felt miserable and if it was something that I could get an antibiotic for and feel better, sign me up.  

I was tested for strep, Covid and influenza and they were all negative.  Sigh.  Not that I wanted any of those, I just wasted a trip when I would rather be tucked under a blanket.

Sunday I stayed home and watched church remotely and had a little less angst about it all.  I know that wishing things were different is never going to help.  I need to find ways to thrive in the hand I've been dealt.  As Marie Louise would say with her British/Australian accent, I need to "get on with it."

Emma came over for dinner and we had frozen pizza which is the best idea I could come up with in our refrigerator-less state.  We played Qwixx and talked and I always enjoy my time with Emma and Mark.  

Adam went to church in Birmingham, Alabama and I think he enjoyed it.  I enjoy living vicariously through him.  He narrated the countryside he was seeing while he drove.  He talked about someday going on a road trip like that with me.

Some day.

Grateful Friday

 I am grateful my grades are more or less in hand.  I have a few last minute assessments happening today and then I can post those grades.  Third quarter, in the books!

I am grateful for the pretty pictures Adam sends of where he is in the world.  I can live vicariously through him.

I am grateful when things work.  There are plenty of times when I try something at school and it doesn't work, so I'm grateful for when they do work.

My students were getting a bit lax on their iReady lessons--the third grade didn't reach their goal of lessons passed for February.  I decided to make it a competition and whoever gets the most lesson this week will get a prize.  A boy who didn't do a single iReady lesson the entire months of November and December is leading the pack with 16 lessons, just this week!

Another random thing that is working is to set a timer on an app on my phone and set it in front of one of my students.  He works for seven minutes and then gets a two minute break.  It's like magic and why didn't I do that in September?!?

I am grateful I don't have to go roller skating.  Last night was Bonneville Night at Classic Skating.  At recess some of Alissa's girls wondered if I was going to go.  I said no.  They were shocked, "But why not?!?"

I said, "I don't really know how to roller skate."

More shock, and also a lot of advice, "You can just hold onto the side, that's what I do."

Also, they tried to entice me, "They also have laser tag!"

I didn't tell them, but Classic Skating was the last thing I wanted to do.  Three cheers for being an adult and just saying no.

The final thing I'm grateful about is having Mark around.  He is helpful and good company.  I especially notice how much I rely on him for everything when Adam is out of town.  What a gift to have him living with us right now!

Reminders

 Sometimes I wonder if I want to keep teaching.  Even without all the cancer stuff, this year has been hard.  (Actually I don't know.  I can't separate the two.)

I have some hard students and when I don't feel well, I get a sense of defeat about the whole thing.

I want to say, OK.  I give up.  I'm going home.

Yesterday I had a few reminders of why I don't want to quit.  During math, we were doing Word Problem Wednesday, which is what we do the second half of the year.  Every Wednesday I tell that the reason we do Word Problem Wednesday is that in their lives as grownups, they will never have to do math worksheets and they won't have a math workbook.  They will have situations that are basically word problems.

As we worked our way through the problems, I realized, "They are getting these!"

And their exit tickets showed me it's true.  (There were a few exceptions--there always are.)

I live for moments like that!  Moments where they get it!

During our reading lesson, there was more of the same.  We were working on context clues and I loved seeing their brains figure out the meanings of words and idioms.  

What a gift to be able to be at the front lines of children making connections and learning new things!

At the end of the day, when they bursting out the door after the bell rang, one of the girls called over her shoulder, "Bye Mrs. Davis!  I love you!"

I love you too.

It isn't meant to be easy

I had a rough night's sleep last night, which is the last thing I need when I am fighting fatigue so hard.  Adam is leaving today for a week long trip and that's never fun.  He'll be back just in time for my chemo.  Between now and chemo, I have grades that are due and I need to plan for four sub days.

And then there's the whole cancer thing that messes with my mind.  Good news!  Last chemo round!  But then what?  Did it work?!?  What is next?  How long will my remission be?

All unproductive things to wonder about at 1:00 AM, but there you have it.

This morning I read this by President Nelson:

 "...life isn't meant to be easy....Victory comes only to those who muster the faith to stay on the track--the strait and narrow way."

It is validating.  This isn't meant to be easy.  I'm not living life wrong if it isn't easy.

Also, what does victory for me look like?  I don't think victory means a perfect life, free of troubles.  If it comes only to those who muster the faith to stay on the track, I guess staying on the track--the strait and narrow way, will lead me there.  I'll figure it out eventually.

I can do hard things.  I have survived lots of hard days.  My own prayers and the prayers of others on my behalf have sustained me thus far and I don't foresee them drying up and ceasing to work.

So onward.

Weekend

 We had a wonderful time!  I am glad we were able to go to California to spend time with family and be there for the blessing of our little YP.  

Top ten things from the weekend:

1- walking hand in hand at the farmers market with QE

2- buying QE some really good strawberries at the farmers market when she wanted a snack (California is constantly showing off).

3- witnessing the great parents Braeden and Anna are--I love the way they pull together

4- being in mild and verdant and fragrant California 

5- holding YP--he is so snuggly!

6- Adam and Mark took excellent care of me at every turn

7- reading to QE

8- sharing the love with Anna's parents.  I like them so much and we all like our shared family so much.  It's a lot of love and I'm here for it.

9- the way QE kept lifting my arm to listen to my watch tick during church

10- family time--it was great to be with Geri and have lots of time with Adam and Mark and Braeden and Anna and those adorable grandchildren!

Grateful Friday

Here's what I'm grateful for this week:

 Yesterday we had district training.  It is a pain because sub plans and sitting in a chair all day.  It is also pretty great because we get to hang out as a team (and I do learn a lot).  Almost every table had snackle boxes that teachers brought for their friends. Maren brought two snackle boxes for us.  Teachers are my kind of people.

We had lunch at Chubby's and I texted Adam and he stopped by to say hi, which was a nice perk for the day.  He was having one of his work from home-ish days.  He is kind of a nomad on days like that and varies his work spot to keep himself on task.

The other night I had Mark take Joan to get her oil changed.  It felt like such a win.  Adult children are pretty great.

The biggest thing I feel grateful for today is that we are going to CA for the weekend.  YP is being blessed on Sunday and I am grateful we can go.  It will be fun to be there with Anna's parents and Geri.  So much love for our young royalty.  Braeden asked if I still had the little suit he was blessed in.  I dug it out as well as a Mariners romper and a BYU romper that Braeden wore as a baby.  I am taking them as well.

There's a story behind the little blessing suit.

Adam's Grandma Kate, who was a very colorful character, was crocheting a dress for Braeden to be blessed in while I was still pregnant with him and she didn't know if he would be a boy or a girl.

According to Grandma Kate, Braeden appeared to her (in a dream?) and swore at her (?) and told her that he was a boy, not a girl.

So she switched gears and bought the suit.  (She gave us the crocheted dress too.)

It is a story that has been told and retold in an illustration to our children of Grandma Kate.  Also, about the swearing baby who appeared to Kate?  Adam maintains that God speaks to us in the language we understand....

I'm grateful for family.  Especially the ones that liven things up.

Hard, but delightful

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a calm office job where you don't have to worry about a certain student popping out of his chair every 30 seconds or another student stirring everyone up by talking about crushes or another student throwing a fit because another student said something he didn't like.

It can be exhausting to be a teacher.

It is also delightful.

I have these whiteboards in a corner of my room.  

We use them for "vertical math."  It is vertical because they set up the boards and can see each others' work.  It is OK if they look to each other "for inspiration." They work in groups of three students.  After they do a math problem, I pick a stick.  If that student can explain their math problem, their entire group gets a piece of candy.  The point is that they teach each other so everyone in the group will be ready if called on.

Anyway.

One of the students was ready to explain their math thinking.  I walked to the back of the room and picked up their whiteboard and lifted it over the desks and brought it to the front of the room.

One of my students said, "Woah!"

Another said, "Mrs. Davis is strong."

Believe me when I tell you 1) those whiteboards are not heavy and 2) I am not that strong.

Still.  It's nice to be impressive.

I had recess duty in the afternoon.  During recess, one of Miriam's students gave me these paper flowers she had made for me.  I don't think that happens in calm office jobs.

Also, I overheard some kids playing with a basketball.  Soon, because they would yell "miss" or insult each other to make them miss the basket, they started having an existential conversation about whether or not it made a difference if they hurled insults at each other.

Some of them maintained, "The ball doesn't have feelings!"

The boy who appeared to be the alpha of the group said, "OK, let me try.  Yell at me while I shoot."

They did.  He missed.  He said, "OK, I guess it does make a difference."

They continued on with their basket shooting.

Also at recess, two 6th graders who used to be my students, came up to give me hugs.  One of the boys was in trouble every day he was in my class.  I dragged his desk over to the side of the room so he faced the wall.  It was nice of him to give me a hug.  Forgive and forget.

At the end of the day, I had an entire basket full of their graded papers to pass out.  I gave everyone a stack and they roamed around the room, delivering papers.  One boy told everyone he handed a paper to whether or not they were going 'to get McDonalds tonight' based on their score.

Some of the kids looked like they actually believed him.  

Later some kids were talking about whether or not they were going to show their parents their papers and the same one who was letting everyone know their McDonalds fate said, "I have to show my parents.  If I lie, I will get in way more trouble than if I have a bad grade."

Good parents for the win!