Mark

Marianne called me yesterday to wish me a happy anniversary.  We talked about taking a couples trip to Hawaii sometime.  I told Mark about it and he said, "That sounds like something I wouldn't be invited to."

He is not wrong.

Not being invited on the trip withstanding, I like having Mark around.  It isn't always easy to talk him into things, but it helps if lunch is involved.

Yesterday we went to lunch and then to the Provo Library book sale.  His job was to carry books.  I also told him I'd buy him whatever he wanted.  We had lunch and went to the sale armed with two grocery bags.  I filled mine and he put one book in his.  (It reminded me of Blueberries for Sal, except I didn't lose him.)

I traded bags with him (after I put his book in the filled bag).  There were kids stationed against the wall, reading books while their mothers browsed.  After a while, when Mark told me he was finished looking, I directed him to go sit against the wall and he did with the two full bags.

When I finally decided enough was enough, I went to get Mark.  Next to him, a woman was sorting through her selections and told her daughter, "I'm going to go put these back."  Her daughter asked why and she said, "I looked at the picture of books I have at home and I already own these."

Pro move.  I was impressed.  

But then Mark carried both of my heavy bags and I felt like that was kind of a pro move too.

When we got home, I stacked the books on the table.  The spoils:

The three books on the left were Mark's.

Besides that, we've added yoga to our daily.  On the first day, we kept saying, "This is hard," to each other.

I said, "I think I'm dying."

He said, "Yes, me too."

At dinner we told Adam about it and Mark told him, "If you come home and see us both keeled over on the floor, you will know it was from Yoga with Adriene."

We'll get better.  You gotta start somewhere.

31 years

 Last year on this day, Adam and I checked into a swanky hotel in San Antonio.  I was joining him for a business trip.  There were indications of cancer, but no diagnosis yet.  Adam didn't have his crazy new job that keeps him busy + stressed + frequenting the friendly skies.  My mom was still with us.

It has been quite a year and also even if I knew everything on the horizon, I wouldn't have been surprised that Adam would stay steady and keep me more or less upright.  

I am grateful to have gone another year around the sun with him.

If you aren't part of a group chat with me, you can count yourself lucky because I have been sorting through photographs and texting pictures of pictures with varying degrees of quality to my family members.  

There are a whole stack of photos from our wedding.

Those fresh faced kids!

It is wild to me that we own this place now.

That is my grandpa casually chatting with someone on the far left.  My cousins are on the porch.  It looks like Brian is saying something that Jason (Adam's friend) finds funny and it looks like Geri is telling him to get it together.  I love this picture.  I love that place.  I love those people.

As much as I am blessed to have Adam as a husband, we are blessed to have these parents.

Speaking of parents, this is my mom and me in my grandparents'/now our kitchen.

I hope my mom knew, despite me acting to the contrary at times (I was a lot that summer), that I really appreciated everything she did to make our wedding lovely.  

If there's a way for her to access my blog in heaven (and if there's a way, I know she's reading), thank you for everything.  Seriously, everything.

Weekend

 My brain is ricocheting between many things:  

I am looking forward to school starting.  I am thinking about reading centers and my classroom and back to school night and the first week of school.  

I am coming to terms with this being my last week of summer vacation and I didn't do all the things on my lofty to do list.  (Maybe this week?)  

I am remembering last year at this time and the pull-the-rug-out-from-under-you cancer diagnosis.  Sometimes I successfully don't think about it.  Sometimes I successfully think about it with a degree of equanimity.  Sometimes when I think about the future, I wonder if the future I think I have planned will be a reality.  I try to stop myself from freaking out too much.

I felt pretty well on Friday--mostly just tired.  Saturday and Sunday, I felt worse.  It is hard to come to terms with.  It is hard to keep myself from thinking that life as I've known it is over and I'm just going to be sick or worse.  Adam helps me.  He is ever and always my ballast.

I am missing my mom.  I turned the calendar page to August, the calendar she made for all of us.  August is a picture of our family at the Elko Temple open house.  My mom was there.  My mom loved the temple and loved us.  How is she not here with us?  I want to talk to her.  Olivia does talk to her, but I cry too much.  I guess the best that I can do is try to be like her.  

I have a fat package of pictures from my mom.  This picture stopped me in my tracks.

My mom and both grandmas are working on my wedding quilt.  In this picture I see three women who loved each other.  I see three women with vast and varied talents who served whenever and wherever they were asked.  I see three incredibly hard working women who made a difference and a contribution in the world.  I think what matters most to me about all of that though, is how they made me feel.  They loved me and I never once doubted that.  They were always on my side.  I see this picture and I have so many aspirations.

The influx of new photographs started me on a whole plan for a big project.  Adam said, "You have one week of summer left.  Why are you starting a big project now?"

Hello, have we met?

I told Emma about the project, which was to digitize every picture in the house, get rid of photo albums and make Snapfish books.  Get organized once and for all and really mean it this time.

She said, "But I want photo albums.  I want real photos."

I asked Mark and he said he didn't really care either way.

I asked Adam and he said, "You have one week of summer left.  Why are you starting a big project now?"

I asked Braeden and he liked my idea of Snapfish books.

I called Marianne, sure that she had all of this figured out.  She was hiking to Boulder Lake, but still took my call.  She told me she didn't have it all figured out.  The nerve of some big sisters....

My children are going to be the ones to inherit the hot mess that is my photos, so if Emma wants photos, I'll keep photos.  For now, I am sorting through the photos I have and I will make decisions later about each category (some of them are duplicates because they are pictures I mailed my parents from Connecticut).  Probably what will happen is that I will get busy with school and abandon ship and leave the disheveled photos to flounder.

Adam has in fact met me.

Speaking of Adam, he was looking for something in his office on Saturday and came across some letters (written on Denny's order tickets because I worked there that summer) that I wrote to him the week before we got married 31 years ago.

He started reading them aloud to me and we both got a little teary.  He said, "I feel like we should be sitting next to each other."  We moved to the couch and he kept reading and we both cried.

What an enormous blessing it is in my life to have Adam.  I wrote in my letters how much I loved him and I didn't even know all the things about him yet.  I didn't know how he would be as a father or how he would take care of me when I was sick or how he would be patient with me when I am 1) dreaming up unreasonable projects or 2) spinning out of control.  He's a gem and I am lucky.  That is all.

Going through photos led to a line of questioning on WhatsApp that never did get any answers.  This photo of a mystery baby was in my stack of photos.

Tabor thought it was Enoch, but he couldn't be sure without the beard.  Enoch thought it was Tabor, but he couldn't be sure without the handlebar mustache.  Ammon said we would know better than he would how he looked at that age.

Olivia rightfully pointed out that Enoch was a December baby and there was no way he would be wearing short sleeves with our mother at the helm.  

I think it's Ammon, born in July although still wearing socks (again, my mom).

My dad had no idea.  

I'll leave it for Emma (the one who likes photos).

Besides all of that, I was mostly down and out during the weekend.  Friday was an easier day than Saturday and Sunday.  I'm ready for the uphill climb though.  On to better things!

Grateful Friday

 I am grateful for a day to rest and recover.  I feel OK, just tired.  I was very tired yesterday.  I took a nap for over an hour when I got home from my infusion and I slept for about 10 hours last night.  It takes it out of me!

I am grateful to be on this end of things.  A year ago I was so stressed about the cancer thing while I was waiting for all the diagnostic pieces to fall into place.  Now I know what is happening and I try to just ignore the unknowns.  It's working.

I am grateful Adam is home and I am grateful that he and Mark both take such good care of me.  They tag teamed being my ride and sitting with me.  

I am grateful I am home.  It has been a good summer and a busy summer and it also feels good to just be home.  Yesterday, Dr. Chipman asked me how I was feeling about school about to start up.  I said, "I'm excited."

He said, "Really?  Most teachers I talk to dread school starting."

I can't speak for all teachers, but I always look forward to school starting.  I am well aware that it is not sunshine and roses every day.  There are some really hard days ahead like every school year.  I am grateful that I love my job though.  

Finally I am grateful that I'm going to lunch with Nola today.  With our comings and goings, I haven't talked to her for months and she lives across the cul-de-sac!  It is nice to have friends.

Big old photo dump

 I could not get my computer figured all the way out.  I finally called Apple Support.  I worked with an AI assistant and they were finally flummoxed and I talked to an actual real live person.  She was flummoxed and asked to share my screen.  After waiting while she read some documents about what to do, she suggested I turn it off and on again.

I had tried that earlier in the morning, but I guess it needed doing twice, because now it works!

It was the first time in the history of ever that I resolved technology woes on my own.  I feel like I ought to get some kind of commendation.

So here are a whole bunch of things I want to remember from the last week plus:

Miriam and me with our haul from Owala (we took the picture to show Alyssa).

The Mariner's game:

Talia, Jackson, Braeden and Geri

Living it up in the PNW:

The boys and their walking stick

Mukilteo Beach

Lunch plus creative expression

view from the ferry

Mark and Whitney at the Gum Wall at Pike's Place Market (kinda gross, but iconic)

Silver Lake

Tire swing at Grandma Geri's house

My pretty sisters-in-law

The wedding:

From left: Kelly, Kain, Brian, Sam, Scott, Whitney, Me, Braeden, Emma, Adam and Mark.  If it looks like Adam's leg is erased, it is because Adam's leg is erased.  (Removed QE.)

Cousin picture.  It isn't complete without Raelyn, but we were happy to add Jenna.  From left: Mark, Emma, Jenna, Jackson, Braeden, Kain and Talia

Adam and Mark being Adam and Mark

Braeden being Braeden--also, Emma's look of loving patience with her brother.  Not her first rodeo.

love love love this

the view from the reception

Megan and Larry

We had such a great time.  Seeing these pictures makes me very happy.  I am grateful for joyful family times and grateful for everyone who was so good to us while we were there! (Grateful to Whitney, because I got a lot of these pictures from her!)

What is going on with me

 Yesterday Marianne called me and demanded, "What is going on with you?!?"

I hadn't blogged.  I told her I was still on my trip.  She said she wanted to make sure I wasn't "dead or depressed" since I wasn't blogging. (I said, "Surely there is another option.")

I texted her this morning that I couldn't get my log in on my computer to work, but with a little help from AI, I figured it out!  I can't emphasize enough how monumental that is.  Adam didn't come home last, but took a red-eye to Detroit and then Chicago for an important meeting and I wasn't about to bother him with my woes.

(My computer is still wonky, so I will have to bother him eventually.)

I'm home!  It is nice to be home.  Besides that one little turnaround day, I haven't been home for weeks.  My plants are gasping for water and there is a lot to do, but also I am super tired, so blogging seemed like a good pursuit.

(Update, I also can't get any photos to work.)

I am singing the technology blues.  My plants will benefit from me not being able to languish on my computer.

We had a very nice trip.  It was a great mix of family time and enjoying the Pacific Northwest and seeing Adam shine in his work environment which I always love.  I got to have lunch with Janet, but I don't know if we can call it just lunch, because we sat at the table for 5 hours.  Our waitress came and told us that her shift was over and she was going home, but we could stay as long as we wanted. (I left her a good tip.)

I loved seeing Braeden and QE and witness him as such a good dad.  A four-year-old out of her routine is not the easiest gig, but he handled it with panache (and truly, so did she).  It was a delight to be around her.  Geri and Braeden and I took a walk with the little queen.  She bounced around narrating her imaginative pursuit of heffalumps and woozles.  Then she found a stick, named it Sticky, and had a full conversation with it, providing the voice of Sticky.  

I can't get enough of that girl.

We enjoyed the wedding and I loved seeing Jackson and Jenna so happy and I loved the beautiful setting.  We went to Mukilteo Beach and Pike Place Market and really hit most of the highlights.  

I will add pictures eventually.  Maybe.  Hopefully. 

Grateful Friday

Back on the iPad again…

We are on the 15th floor of a hotel in downtown Seattle, overlooking the city and low hum of the freeway below.  Adam is working and meeting with people, etc.  He asked me a few times if I would be OK alone in the hotel room like we hadn’t met.

He also said, ”I have my iPad.”  So here we are.

It has been such a great trip!  We have enjoyed ourselves.  I have pictures, but can’t add them.  I still don’t know why.

First, I have to backtrack before the trip:  Tuesday we had a lunch at school.  It was top secret and we were told we didn’t want to miss it and we were wary because often times the news we get doesn’t thrill us.

This was not one of those times.  Owala (as in the water bottle company) had sponsored a lunch for us.  Everyone got a new water bottle and insulated lunch bag.  Alyssa was out of town, but Miriam and I sat with our 5th grade teacher besties as well as Megan who is the innovative learning coach and the MVP of all the teachers.  We had a nice lunch and caught up on each others’ summer adventures.  Matt asked me, “Did you hear about your classroom?”

I hadn’t been there yet, so I didn’t know what he meant (immediately wary—public schools will do that to you).  He said that once they replaced the ceiling and HVAC in my room, they realized that the ductwork was unattached.  He said, “So whenever the heat was on, it was only in your room.”

(Friends, I think I noticed that.)

After we ate, the good (good!) people of Owala also gifted us each a basket full of school supplies, three books and a $500 Amazon gift card.  We were shocked in all the happy ways.  They rolled out carts of water bottles and said that every student in the school was also going to be gifted a new water bottle.  I think that was the biggest cheer from the teachers.  Tiffany (who is hands down amazing) immediately said she would make each student a personalized sticker for their bottles.

I report back to school officially in three weeks and I am looking forward to it.  I love that I love my job and I love who I work with.

We flew to Seattle and met up with everyone and went to the Mariner’s game.  It was fun.  I love the convivial atmosphere of a baseball game with everyone in their team colors.  QE was gobsmacked by the spectacle of it all.  Braeden bought her a Mariners hat and she wanted one exactly like his.  After a while she was bored and I was only too happy to take her to the play place so she could run and run with the other Mariners clad children.  She immediately made friends and climbed and scampered and I love how sturdy she is.  She could hold her own.

The rest of the week has been Adam (bless him) working and squeezing in family time and the rest of us just enjoying.  QE has been playing with the ponies that Adam’s sisters had that Emma and her cousins played with.  The pastel gift that keeps giving.  She’s been pushed on the tire swing that we used to push our own children on.  Braeden and Mark went into the woods and came back with a walking stick.  They used their grandpa’s tools and carved their names in it and smoothed and sanded it and I have pictures, but alas.

We went to Silver Lake one day and they didn’t have their suits, but Braeden was up to the hem of his shorts in water in no time and QE was completely submerged.  Geri had brought a towel because of course she did.  We wrapped QE in it and Braeden carried her back to the car and I should have realized that would be part of the trip.  Geri is the iconic grandmother and I am her apprentice, trying to learn her ways.

We went to Costco in search of gluten free pizza, but also an Esprit sweatshirt.  I had heard they were there and like all the Gen Xers I wanted one!  They only had a few and they were XS and I am…not.   I think Adam and our kids thought I was a little crazy, but Janet was also at Costco, in search of an Esprit sweatshirt, so that was validating.  We both wanted the white ones with rainbow lettering, but no dice.

(I went to a different Costco to look for the pizza.  I had given up on the sweatshirt, but they had size small.  I can squeeze myself in.  I owe that to teenage Thelma, I think.)

Last night everyone except me went back to the lake.  I cross-stitched and read and took a nap on the couch and was as happy as I could be.

We came to Seattle and you are up to date.

I am grateful for this time we’ve had.  It is so nice to be with family.  We are looking forward to tomorrow when we will all go to the peninsula for Jackson and Jenna’s wedding.  Last week, I was so grateful for my family and heritage and loved being in that place.  This week I am grateful for family and heritage and love being in this place.