Weekend--Merry Christmas edition

It's the most wonderful time of the year.

Saturday, I tried a new recipe for gluten free cinnamon rolls.  The recipe was slightly confusing and I didn't use rapid rise yeast like I was supposed to (I realized too late).  Since gluten free dough is so different from regular dough, I didn't realize how under proved they were.  Mark still liked them.  I kept telling him next time they would be better.  He told me he has really low standards for gluten free.  None of it is that good.  Poor kid.  I did dump a healthy (unhealthy?) dose of icing on top to make up for things.

We had a nice day watching A Muppet Christmas Carol and A Charlie Brown Christmas and wrapping last minute things.  I loved the hubbub of anticipation.  Mark was especially excited.  He got good gifts for everyone since he is a working man this year and he loved it. (So did all his recipients.)

We had a FaceTime conversation with Stella which was wonderful.  She is such a force for good in the world!

In the evening, we watched the Nativity movie and Adam read to us from the scriptures.  And I cried.  Surrounded by my family who mean so much to me and thinking about other family who mean so much to me, I felt very grateful for Jesus Christ.  The older I get, the more it all matters to me.

We thought about our dear Raelyn and everyone who misses her.  I am grateful to know where she is and I picture her happy and progressing and learning and laughing her infectious laugh alongside Grandpa Linn.

Christmas morning we spent a peaceful and happy time opening gifts.  Everyone was happy with their gifts; everyone felt seen and loved.  I could not ask for more.

We went to church and I happily took on Grandma Duty.  Afterward, Braeden and Anna hastily packed and they headed off to the Carlsons for the rest of their vacation.  I cried again when I said good-bye.  We loved having them!

Adam and I took naps and when the introverts returned, they went to their rooms and closed the doors.  I got the house tidier than it had been in over a week.  All the people who say that it is a good thing you have babies when you are young are not wrong.

They take a lot of energy!

They also bring a lot of love, so much you think you may burst sometimes.

My friend at church was saying she was the most beautiful baby and I told her it is worth raising your kids.  Grandkids are the thing!

In the evening after we ate our simple ham dinner, we played games.  Megan sent us Left Center Right.  It comes with chips to play for, but we had played it at a work event (for candy) and Kristie said their extended family played on New Year's Eve for $5 bills.  

I pulled some quarters out of our everlasting coin jar     Emma said, "OK Nevada girl."

But is it gambling if you provide all the quarters?

Mark won the first round and kept the quarters.  Emma won the second round and said, "Is it OK if I don't really want these quarters?"

On brand for both of them.

Then we played It's a Small World, which is a game Adam bought for me.  1) I love It's a Small World.  It is one of my favorite rides at Disneyland.  2) It is a perfect grandma game to have because you don't have to read to play. 3) It fits the vibe of our family.  Completely uncompetitive by nature, but we were there for the art and the attention to detail and the clever nature of the set up.

It's a wonderful life!

A cup of good cheer

Yesterday we visited my grandma.  

The whole great great grandma thing is kind of astounding.  I can't imagine Eleanor bringing her granddaughter to visit me someday....

Sweet Ella was as good as gold.  She slept in the car, a shorter than usual nap, but she woke up happy just like her dad always did.  She was friendly and busy, but didn't touch all the things she was not supposed to touch, but wanted to.

Grace under pressure.

We hurried home to get ready for our dinner party.  Clarissa (Timeon had to work), Liberty and Nikki, Shuyan and Carolina came over for dinner.

Also, the most bizarre thing happened while we were scrambling to get ready.  I had just wrangled Mark to help me move furniture to set up the tables and there was a knock on the door.  It was a girl about Mark's age, wearing a dress and high heeled strappy sandals.  It was not exactly the weather for that outfit.  She was visibly shaken and said, "Is Mark here?  It is an emergency."

I got Mark and she said, "John was in a car accident and I can't drive."

Mark looked a little taken aback, but said, "OK," and left immediately with her.

Anna and Braeden and I puzzled about the whole situation.  Who was John and who was this girl and how did she get to our house in the first place?

Mark called a bit later.  He had as many questions as we did.  He met John a few weeks ago, playing Magic with his friends.  He had invited the whole gang to his birthday dinner so John and his girlfriend had come.  The girlfriend had the address of our house since Mark had texted the group the address.  He's known both of them for about two weeks.  He never got much more of the story.  He took the girl home and I'm glad he was ready and able to be a helper.

But it was bizarre.

Our guests arrived and it was so fun to see them all!

I regret that I didn't take a picture.

We had dinner and Braeden asked Clarissa all about the Tabernacle Choir, which that amazing girl is now a part of.  He talked German politics with Shuyan.  She delighted and charmed us like she does.  Liberty and I chatted a bit about school and Carolina and I a bit about The Home Edit, of which we're both fans.  After dinner, Eleanor went to bed and the rest of us went to the basement to visit.  We talked about books and the cosmos and lego sets and Braeden shared a brief FHE lesson (it included the cosmos).  I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

Adult nieces and nephews are every bit as fun as adult children (Carolina is not quite an adult, but she's fabulous).

Grateful Friday

Yesterday there was a lot of snow.  I slid right through an intersection by our house on the way to school.  Luckily no one was around to crash into.  No lanes were visible on State Street and everyone was driving around 20 mph.  I don't know which thing was more unusual.

I also don't know what it takes to get a snow day around here.

It just kept snowing and snowing.  We had both recesses inside.  

We had both Christmas sing performances and despite the weather, both were packed houses.  The kids were nervous beforehand and then really happy when they saw their parents or grandparents.  I love that.

I didn't love how naughty all my students were all the live long day.  Christmas sing + inside recess + Christmas in general + their personalities in general.

It was a whole day.

One student got a really significant bloody nose.  Not the same student as last time.  What gives?!?  He was walking around in a panic, splattering blood all over the floor.  I told him to sit down while I grabbed kleenex.  I meant the nearest possible chair.  He walked back to his own chair, splattering more blood.  I pinched his nose and walked with him that way down to the office, while he was holding kleenex to his nose.  The secretary chided me for not putting on gloves.

It had not occurred to me.

I left him in her care and went back to the zoo that sort of looked like a crime scene until the custodians could get there.

As the bell was about to ring for the blessed end of the day, the announcement was made that the district "had not expected so much snow" (you think?) so they needed the teachers to leave as soon as the students did so that the district could plow all the parking lots.

I was hurrying around gathering up things and preparing hastily for the next day.  Braeden called.

He said that Anna's mom had tested positive for Covid.  Braeden, Anna and Eleanor all had Covid a few weeks ago, so they were not worried about getting it, but they wanted to come to our house early (they were going to come Sunday) so Amy could recover.

I'm sad for the Carlsons but happy for us, and also, I wasn't even a little bit ready.  Despite my proclivity to plan, I have 100% been living only day to day.

I was driving home and my mind was spinning about what I could make for dinner.  The day before, Clarissa and I had walked and I told her that I wanted to make good meals when they were visiting, but I wasn't all that great at that.

She said, "You know who is really good at that?  My mom."

Clarissa is not wrong.  I quickly called Marianne for help.  When you need to send a distress call, Marianne is a really good choice.

She said, "OK, will Mark be there?"  I said yes.  "So no gluten....it's too late for a slow cooker....how about a simmer sauce?  Cook chicken thighs and rice and get butter sauce or tikka masala."

I said, "We usually do chicken tikka masala on Christmas Eve.  What else have you got?"

She thought for a few seconds.  "Taco soup."

Yes!

I'm telling you, call Marianne.

I went to the grocery store for taco soup stuff and a whole cart full of other stuff.  I considered my cart looked like Braeden was visiting.  It made me happy.

I hurried home and changed sheets in the guest bedroom, pulled out the baby toys and baby books and high chair.  I cleaned the kitchen and made the soup and got everything ready.

I'm so grateful for have them with us.

This sweet little girl was very tired by the time they got there, but I am so looking forward to time with her!

I'm grateful to have Marianne to tell me what to do.

I'm grateful I had to leave school early (I needed the time!).

I'm grateful for this wonderful season of light.  I'm grateful that we take a little time off from regular life and enjoy each other and holly jolly music and treats.  Mostly, I'm grateful for the birth and life of Jesus Christ.  When I hold that little baby in my arms and know that she's mine forever, I feel such gratitude for our Savior and Heavenly Father.  They make everything that matters to me better.

More Christmas

Is there ever too much Christmas?

My mom asked for a picture of the whole tree.  Anything for my dear mother:

Of all the things I failed to teach my children well, decorating a Christmas tree is not one of them.  We build layers and they are good at it.  When Adam tried to hand them an ornament after he had attached a hook, they would say things like, "No Dad, we're just doing red balls now."

Braeden is a little less careful when he is here, but he is tallest and has the biggest motor and those things add a lot of value.  I missed him and Emma did too.  She said her Precious Moments ornament missed Braeden's Precious Moments ornament.  They've been hanging them next to each other on the tree since they were tiny little preschoolers.  Sniff.  

***

Yesterday at school, we had a really great experience.  Our principal, Kristie, called Jason Wright (of The Christmas Jars fame) and was sort of surprised when he answered.  She asked him to come to our school and he said yes.  And he lives in Virginia!  

When she told the leadership team about it, she said, "He is either coming or I am being scammed by someone who I thought was Jason Wright."

He came!

Third through sixth grade assembled in the gym.  He talked to us about the first Christmas jar he did with his family.  He said it gave him the idea for the book.  He showed us a map of where people reported Christmas jars sightings:

There was an audible gasp in the room.  He talked about how if someone was sick or needed extra love or had lost their job, people may want to give them a jar.  One of my students turned to me and exclaimed, "My mom and my stepdad have both lost their jobs before!"

It was relatable, having hard times.

We watched the movie that BYUtv created based on the book.  It was a little cheesy but also good.  It was the right kind of feel good you need on a cold December morning.  There was a teeny tiny bit of kissing and most of my students covered their faces or pulled their shirts up over their eyes.  

The "Hope Squad" in our school had popcorn for the students which made a holy mess, but made the students excited.

It was a great time.  I left the room feeling uplifted and I think they did too.

In the afternoon, for writing time, I had them write their thoughts.  I said they could write their thoughts about the jar idea or the movie or any aspect of it. (I didn't use the word aspect....)

One girl wrote at great length about how it was boring and her chair was hard.  Even a New York Times bestselling author isn't Nutella.  He can't make everyone happy.

Another girl who I can rarely get to do much of anything despite her being pretty smart, wrote two pages about it.  She is one of my sweetest kindest souls, even though she is also pretty naughty.  She was touched by the story and I loved reading her writing about it.

After school, I walked around showing it to anyone who would listen.  Then I hung all their writing up in the hall.

I love Christmas!

A merry Christmas

We had a lovely weekend; I'm looking forward to a lovely week ahead. (When I don't blog, Marianne thinks I've died.  I won't have died, plus I'll be with Marianne so everything should be fine.)

Friday Adam and I did our traditional Christmas Eve shopping trip, but this time we stopped into Carter's and Osh Kosh B'Gosh to look at baby clothes.  

It's hard to know if the baby will be big like my babies or tiny like Anna.

Time will tell.

We started a new tradition, but I don't think it has staying power unless we tweak it some.

We went to Target.  Everyone had $20 to spend and 20 minutes to shop.  We drew names in the parking lot, so there was no premeditation about it all.

I drew Mark's name and the only Legos they had in the store were a $99 set.  What?!?  Legos had been my ace in the hole!

The store was picked clean and it was increasingly distressing as time passed.  When we got back to the car Adam said he felt at turns like crying or throwing up because he was so stressed (not to be overly dramatic or anything).  Gift selecting is fraught for that guy in the best circumstances.  

We decided if we do it again, we will go earlier in the Christmas season so everything is still in stock.  Everyone was pleased with their gifts though.  Emma got me nail polish.  Mark got Adam and book.  I got Mark a Lego stocking cap.  Adam got Emma Code Names Duet, which I had debated getting for Mark.

We had chicken tikka masala for dinner and then had a small program discussing The Living Christ and Adam read to us from the scriptures.  Then we watched A Charlie Brown Christmas because that's all Mark wants for Christmas.

We decided 8:00 was our call time the next morning but then neither Adam nor I slept well and I texted in the middle of the night that we were pushing it to 9:00.  There were no complaints.  Adult children for the win.

I didn't see it until Sunday afternoon when I was clearing stuff away, but Emma left this on the hearth:

Gift giving is always a joyous time for me, whose love language is gifts.  One of my favorites of the day was this gift Mark gave Adam:

We will have to direct it to the proper recipient once she arrives.

Mark picked up a box from under the tree with his name on it.  He said, "I heard the bricks on Christmas day."

Both kids got Lego sets and were happy about it.

In the afternoon we talked to Braeden and Anna, who had a merry time with Anna's family in California, then we went to a movie.  We decided on West Side Story and I hated it.  I knew all the songs and I knew it was a Romeo and Juliet story, but I was not prepared for how brutal and depressing it was.  

So I don't recommend that.

We came home and had nachos, deciding to push our ham dinner to the next day.  

It was just the kind of low key happy celebratory weekend I love.

(Except West Side Story.)

Grateful Friday

 Last night we went to the Jazz game.  They are so fun!  We are minimally invested in the outcome of the game (although Adam lost his mind at one point when there was a dramatic one handed dunk).  We mostly like the spectacle of it all--and the delicious food.  There's a WGU table in a suite.  The table overlooks the game and there's a buffet and a waitress bringing you drinks and what's not to love?

We talk about things like how Rudy Gobert compares to the height of regular people and how Jordan Clarkson definitely has a Jack Sparrow vibe.  

I like these people.

And I'm grateful for time with them.

(It was starting to rain after the game and when I chided Mark for only wearing a sweatshirt, he said, "I'm not made of brown sugar."  That, my friends, is a boy born and raised in the PNW.)

What I'm most grateful for on this Christmas Eve is the birth of Jesus Christ.  I'm grateful for all the many many ways that makes a difference in my life.

As I've been studying the document, The Living Christ, this week, I was thinking about what His appearances after His resurrection revealed about Christ.  

I love the patience He has for Thomas when he is doubting.  Christ is not put off by our weaknesses.

I have loved, since I was a little girl, the way Christ interacted with children when He visited the Americas.  Of that visit, President Boyd K. Packer said  “In the account of the Savior’s ministry among the Nephites, we can see deeper into His soul perhaps than at any other place.”

He loves us, that is clear. 

God be thanked for the matchless gift of His divine Son.

Jamming

I don't mean music--although I have some good Christmas playlists.

Adam bought a jam advent calendar.  We are days behind and this is what our fridge looks like:

On the left there is some homemade raspberry jam our neighbors brought.  They said, "Put it in the fridge because the lid isn't sealed."

Sunday night I pulled out some gluten free rice crackers and the jam for a taste test.  

Mark said, "OK, but not the honey.  We need that for our movie."

Emma and Mark are planning to film a heist movie with the Christmas bears.  They have a plot and all the bears cast in their roles.  There are a lot of plays on words.  Mark discussed it with Braeden when we had our FaceTime call.  Braeden said he wanted editorial rights.  Mark vaguely agreed and it was clear to me that meant probably not. 

In the same way Adam bringing home cookies so I don't have to make them sums him up, that paragraph is maybe the most descriptive paragraph I've ever written about our children.  That is them in six sentences.  

Grateful Friday

Yesterday we had the Christmas Sing:  two performances for parents.  We would have had the dress rehearsal/performance for the school on Wednesday, but we didn't go to school.

So it was a little dicey and I gave the wrong cue to one of the peppermint holders in the morning performance, but we made it.

Between the snow and the performances and, you know, Christmas, the kids were amped up.  I don't see how they can be any more excited today.  I hope it will go around the horn and they'll max out excited and be calm....

A girl can dream.

I didn't tell them what was in the gift bags, but I explained they weren't from me.  I told them another school had given them to our school.

"To every third grader?"

"To every student."

"But why would anyone do that?"

I said, "It's Christmas.  And it was very kind, wasn't it?"

One of my students, who is almost always unhappy bordering on angry said, "I don't know why, but I feel really...joyful...right now."

I sent them home with the bags and they were giddy wondering what could be inside.

I didn't go away empty handed.

I admire the covering all the bases spelling of miss/mrs

Nola told me that a few years ago, she got a $300 Kate Spade purse at Dave's company Christmas party.  She doesn't even work there, but the spouses got that level of fancy gifts.

I survey the scene at school and I see children who delight me.  I see a little joy I can share.  I read A Wish for Wings that Work and they loved it, like my own children did.

I don't need a $300 Kate Spade purse.  I got the better end of the deal.

Unexpected consequence

I have a student I will call Max.  He is hard.  He spends most of the day in special ed. and when he is in the classroom, he takes a disproportionate amount of my energy.  Most of the students tolerate him and his quirks and disruptions.  I would not say any of them are his friends, but they tolerate him.

Some of them are less patient.  Another student, I will call Nate, struggles to give Max a pass.  He engages in pointless arguments and criticisms and eggs Max on, which is not helpful.

I made a deal with Nate that if would leave Max alone, not talk to him or mess with him in any way, he could play with Legos during read aloud time (the rest of the students do handwriting then.)

Nate agreed and it mostly has been better, but he still aggravates Max and the situation from time to time.  (And Max does his share of aggravating.)

Yesterday, I put Max's picture behind the elf door.  First thing in the morning, the class huddled around the door.  Some of them said, "Let Teacher open it!"

But Nate, who seldom does what the rest of the class thinks is right, opened the door himself.

They saw Max's picture and one of them asked, "Why did you put his picture in?"

I asked, "Why not?"

They had the good grace to accept that as answer enough.

Right before lunch, we opened the mailbox they had been surreptisiouly packing with tiny notes.  There were three notes from three sweet girls.  They were notes to Max.  They told him he was a good classmate and they liked him.

It straight up melted my heart.

I called Max over to my desk and read the notes to him.  He was amazed and sort of confused, sure they were written by the elf even though the girls had signed their names.

Later, there was a note on Max's desk.  It said, "I think you're great.  From:  Someone."

Everyone wondered who it could be from.  I suspected Nate, because I had seen him cutting some paper earlier.  I glanced at him and he knew that I knew and he half smiled and nodded at me.

Max was beside himself.  "It's from the elf!" He insisted.  "He's somewhere in this room!"

Nate delivered 3-4 more notes through the afternoon.  I caught him in the act and he smiled at me.  No one else in the class knew and that was exactly what Nate wanted.

Max was elated.  He can't read well and he demanded I read him the letters.  They were all very kind and purposely mysterious.

I'm not telling you any of this because I did anything to make it happen.  I deserve zero credit.  I just want the record to show that Christmas is magical and children sort of are too.

Things I want to remember about Christmas

Adam and I went on our annual Christmas Eve shopping trip.  We saw Sheri Dew!

On Christmas Eve, Adam constructed a new cover for the vinyl record Mark was getting as a present.  The original one had offensive cover art.  The new one was made out of a frozen pizza box.  (It fit perfectly.)

Adam gifted the family with the last Christmas bear.  Her name is Joy.

We talked about some of our favorite bears and how they made their appearances.  Most of the bears reflect something that happened that year and taken as a whole, they do represent a lot of joy.  They are a weird scrapbook of our family and remind us of trips we took or people we love or the year the Snohomish Valley completely flooded (that was the year Noah joined the family).

Some of us (not Mark who is always stoic) got a little teary because we're grateful for each other and our shared history.

It is tricky having grown up children.  You want them to be excited about their Christmas gifts but they aren't that exciting (although both boys did get Lego sets).  Braeden's favorite gift was a book called Upswing so I guess he is a grown up after all.  Adam got the same book.  It's just the kind of political, big idea, history book they both like.  

Emma cried when she opened the t-shirt quilt I had commissioned Desi to make for her.  It's beautiful for one thing and for another thing, it is a snapshot of things that mattered to Emma when she was growing up.  Also, it was a big surprise.

Santa Claus led Emma on an obstacle course.  There was a piece of string by her stocking.  She followed it through the kitchen, through the garage, out the side door, around to the front of the house and through the front door.  Her gift, a digital piano, was in the room with our piano.

She wrote a song on it with different instruments and layers of sound.  It is a gift that will come back to me many fold.

Braeden had a cold and felt kind of lousy but in typical Braeden fashion, he kept rallying and smiling and exuding cheer like he does.

It is a pleasure to have Braeden and Anna staying with us.  They are super helpful and Anna took one of my books off the shelf to read.  She asked if that was OK.  I said of course.  Also, I told her it felt like a compliment.

Since my love language is gifts, I was happy to note that everyone seemed to like their gifts.  A few years ago, Mark got some duds for Christmas and I've been trying to recover ever since.  I think this year I was more on track.  Mostly though, I think he was really happy to have his siblings here.

I know I was.

Merry Christmas

If I'd had my act together to send a letter along with our card this year, here's what we would have sent:

Holiday greetings dear friends and family,

 

We don’t want to let the pandemic mask all the good things that happened this year. The earthquake we had in March was exciting but the wild fire behind our house this summer trumped it.

 

We spent quarantine time together working from home and playing from home; movie nights, board games and some home improvement projects.

 

Fall brought the start of senior year for Braeden, Anna, and Emma (BYU), and Mark (Pleasant Grove High School), and a second wave of third graders for Thelma to teach.

 

In October, we had to cancel what would have been our first trip to Hawaii and elected to go to the Florida Keys instead.  It was the off-season, so we weren’t plagued by tourists.  We enjoyed snorkeling, Key lime pie and air conditioning.

 

We are looking forward to the holidays and Biden our time until the New Year.  

 

We are happy to celebrate this season of joy, grateful to remember the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ.  We know that by following Him, we can have peace in this world, no matter the conditions.

 

We wish you a Merry Christmas and a very happy and precedented New Year!

Since I'm face down in that picture, here's me at school.  My home away from home.  I think that is the look I get before I open the door to my class in the morning.  Bring your worst!  I'm ready!

To give credit where it is due:  the idea for the zoom picture was collaborative and Emma did the photo shop magic.  Adam helped with the Christmas letter we never sent.  I alone took the derpy selfie at school though...I can't blame anyone else for that one.

Merry Christmas!

Pikkujoulu 2020

This has nothing to do with the post but aren't they cute?

I don't speak Finnish but I do know this one word. Pikkujoulu means little Christmas. We started having Pikkujoulu to incorporate traditions from my family's Christmas Eve into our celebrations.

We kept doing it because we like it.

I was there when we were 19 and Adam opened his mission call for Finland.  If I had known then that someday we would be married and that his mission call would eventually indirectly result in me not only  knowing how to pronounce but also how to spell Pikkujoulu, let's just say I would have been surprised.

Life can be wonderfully unexpected.

There is tension between keeping traditions and changing them.

Life changes and families shrink and expand and shrink and expand.  Traditions ground us and root us and it's also OK to change them.  It's OK to have traditions you used to do.

Sometimes life hands us things we didn't ask for and you write the carb count on recipes.

Sometimes we choose the changes and we channel more energy into planning lessons than baking cookies.

I did make Berry Shortbread Dreams, which is what the recipe is called.  Our kids call them jammy dodgers.  They are everyone's favorite and have 8 carbs per cookie.

I used to make several kind of cookies as well as fudge.  I told Emma, "I am not making all the cookies this year for Pikkujoulu."

She said, "I know.  I was there when you were tossing things in your cart at Trader Joe's."

I'm OK with it.  I'm OK with keeping what matters most (a holiday that's hard to pronounce) and getting rid of things that no longer matter as much.  (Although fudge matters.  It does.)

Setting a festive table matters to me.

Does it bug anyone else that that spoon is askew?

What matters the most is the people.

Braeden and Anna and Emma put the finishing touches on the tree by adding the ornaments Braeden and Emma grew up with.  (Braeden said he'll take his in August when they move.  I said take them sooner because I don't want to go digging for them in August.)

Anna valiantly aimed to put the ornaments high because I said I left all the high space for Braeden.

Here I am supervising from the couch. It was an exhausting weekend and brought back all the fatigue.  Also I didn't wear a mask because I've already had Covid and I was too tired to bother.  I do appreciate how diligent our kids are in wearing masks though.

Emma paused long enough to pose for a dramatic picture.  I can't imagine how much makeup ends up on the inside of her masks, but a girl has to be who she's meant to be.

If you're wondering where Mark is in all this, he hates decorating Christmas trees and he slipped away to the basement.

Later, he read Mr. Willowby's Christmas Tree to the group and also, for the first time, did the scripture reading that Adam usually does.  It's kind of like when the dad lets the son carve the meat for the first time.  Ceremonial.

Emma sang beautifully like she does, Adam and Braeden and Anna all shared a Christmas memory.  Anna's made me cry.  She has more goodness than it seems a person can contain.

I'm glad she's ours.  I'm glad they all are.

Straight outta quarantine

Emma had close contact with a person who tested positive for COVID.  She had a test, but it was negative.   (They both were wearing masks; mask wearing works.)  Still, she was supposed to quarantine for 14 days.  Now, my girl is an introvert and likes being home where the people aren't.

Nevertheless.

It was hard on her.

She was starting to get a little stir crazy by the end of the second week.  So she wrote a song.  Who does that?  Emma.  It is maybe one of my favorite songs she's written. Angsty Emma writes well.

We invited her over for Taco Tuesday, then we extended the invitation to Braeden and Anna (with the ulterior motive of having Braeden help Adam and Mark move the new mattress out).  But the saga continues with the mattress and we're hanging onto it for a few more days until the new one arrives which we ordered online.  It's been a regular roller coaster.

Anna ended up not coming because she was drowning in work.  So relatable.  I set the table for five and it felt weird because despite the many years of setting the table for five, we are a family of six now.  We missed Anna.

I left work feeling stressed and overwhelmed.  I have what feels like more than I can do in the next two weeks.  We're going on a trip and before that I need to prepare for parent teacher conferences and make sub plans and plan for the week that we return.  I have an online student who is struggling to understand and I need to make time to address that.  Oh, yeah.  Also all the regular stuff....

Sitting around the table on the deck in the lovely warm but not too warm evening with our children was the perfect antidote for my stress.  They are all just a little bit funnier when they are together.  We laughed a lot and at one point I had to leave the table or spew my mouthful of Crystal Light all over.  When will I learn not to take drinks around these people?  They make me laugh, but will I survive it?  If you've ever heard Mark sing Garth Brooks' song Mr. Midnight (inexplicably one of Mark's favorite songs--no one has eclectic taste in music like Mark) while doing an impression of Kermit the Frog, you'll see why this life is a regular choking hazard.

After dinner Braeden filled air in his tires.  He said to Mark, "Want to help me, mate?"  And of course Mark did.  Braeden then hurried home to Anna because he is in love and that makes me happy.

I went to bed at peace with the world, grateful for a little respite with people I love.

Of course, I was awake again at 1:00 AM, my preferred time to fret and stew about life.  So I got a few more hours of anxiety in.  It's all about balance....

Disney wisdom

We had a lovely day yesterday.  We started opening presents later than we've ever started.  With older kids and one of them moving slowly, I happily read a few chapters of my book before everyone woke up.  We all enjoyed our presents and felt loved.  We Facetimed with Geri and Braeden and Anna.  I got to talk to my parents and Marianne--didn't ever connect with Olivia, though we left several messages for each other.  We'll talk today.

We played a new game we got as a gift from the Jorgensens and it was a lot of fun (I lost abysmally).  Mark built a new Lego set (I don't care how old that kid gets, I'm never not going to give him Legos.  He loves them.)  Emma took a four hour nap and Stella called to check on "our girl."  She is in a very slow and steady climb.  She's a little better every day but not as "better" as she'd like to be.  It will take time.  Stella assured me that is to be expected.

With Braeden married and spending Christmas with Anna's family, it feels different than when he wasn't here for Christmas because of his mission.  He's grown.  For some reason that feels unexpected when everything about life (including my own life) should have been preparing me for this.

I realized that my parents have spent more Christmases with me wishing them a Merry Christmas over the phone than they spent with me home for Christmas.  Christmases with our children at home all just felt like it would last forever, but if I'd looked around, I would have noticed that's not reality.

Maybe I didn't want to notice.

Last night we watched Noelle on Disney+.  I was in the mood for something Christmasy but something I hadn't seen a million times.  We liked the movie.  I particularly keep thinking about one quote from it:

Traditions change. Right? The new ones are scary. But they might be great. And if you know what Christmas means to you, the tradition is just the wrapping. 

I do know what Christmas means to me.  I'll keep rolling with evolving traditions.

Merry Christmas!

Adam and I have a tradition of going shopping on Christmas Eve for a gift for me (what's not to love about that?).  The stores are usually pretty empty and everything is really low key.

My favorite part is a little midday date with Adam.

This year we took a festive picture reflected in one of the enormous ornaments on the enormous tree at the Traverse Outlet Mall.  Adam wondered where they stored all their enormous Christmas decorations.  I suggested maybe they were inflatable.

Christmas is a little upside down around here and definitely feels different than usual.

It also feels nice.  We are together and have a lot to be thankful for and we know it.

I hope your Christmas is nice too, whether or not it's what you were expecting.  For unto us a Child is born, a Son is given.  And His name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, The Mighty God, The Everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.

Life with Emma

Adam gave us the Christmas bear last night.  Braeden and Anna were staying here before their early morning flight to Virginia for Christmas so it was a good time.

Adam said it felt kind of anticlimactic and maybe, but considering the days we've had, I think we rallied some pretty impressive festivity.

Emma said we should name her Penny since she is the penultimate bear.

And I say Penny it is because this year, Emma is the boss of everything as far as I am concerned.

This morning Emma and I were considering the bear and decided maybe we'd name her Penny Candy.  When Mark was homeschooled, I read him a book about economics titled Whatever Happened to Penny Candy?  Emma asked me about it, "What did happen to her?"

She thought it was a murder mystery and Penny Candy was a person.

Meet Penny Candy:

This morning I found her wrapped up warm for the night:

In some ways, sick Emma has reverted to little girl Emma.  After she showers, she lets me braid her hair.  I'm really not very good at it but she doesn't mind.  (And actually little girl Emma never really liked me to do anything with her hair so maybe this isn't like little girl Emma after all.)

I told Marianne that just how we used to offer Blues Clues to cranky toddlers, Emma has been watching Wizards of Waverly Place on Disney+.  She used to love it when she was little and it still makes her smile and distracts her from pain.

I brought home an extra gingerbread house that I gave my students for an activity on the last day of school before Christmas break.  There were stickers to decorate it with.  I showed Emma and asked her if she wanted a craft project.  She smiled--all the way to her eyes, which is nice to see.

And she got right to work.

We entertained ourselves with a Christmas card we got in the mail.  We had no idea who the people were:

We made up a backstory for each of them.  We decided which extracurricular activities the kids were in and which of them were rebellious or sort of bratty and who was the nice one.  We described the parents for each other.  Then I googled them and Greg Hughes is running for governor I guess.

He may just get my vote because of the interesting backstory we created for all of them.

It's nice to have Emma around.

A thrill of hope

I think I about have the weariness nailed.  It's Sunday morning and instead of singing in the choir as part of the Christmas program today, I am sitting in a hospital room.

Emma has had a hard time.  Her pancreatitis really threw her for a loop.  There was a dramatic scene of confrontation with the surgeon which I will have to relate when I have more energy.  My frustration level was at a high peak on top of my worry and exhaustion.  I did the sensible thing and called Stella.  She's hands down my favorite doctor.  She loves us for one thing.  For another thing, she explains medicine to me in English.  For another thing, she exudes the kind of confidence a frightened mother can get behind.

She gave me the right questions to ask and we've checked in with each other a few times and she's given me a lot of encouragement.

We met with the surgeon this morning (it wasn't confrontational at all) and if Emma can tolerate solid food today, we can go home!

This morning I've been thinking about Christmas.

Yesterday I was startled when I saw the date because I had kind of forgotten about Christmas.  Also, last night when I got in my car and the radio was playing Christmas music, I turned it off because it felt jarring.

I had visions of this time being warm and cozy with candles lit and good foods baking and all of us leisurely enjoying the season.

Every night when I have gone home to sleep, our house feels cold and dark and not all that cheery.

It's eye opening.  Because for plenty of people, Christmas isn't all that cheery.

We have not been grocery shopping and probably have some sour milk and limp vegetables in the fridge but I'm not sure.  Besides a ham I bought at Costco, I don't even have any of the stuff to make all our traditional Christmas food.  Emma is on a really restricted diet for a week or so anyway.  For 46 years I've been in this bubble of Christmas = cheer and now I feel like a Who down in Whoville after the Grinch came.

And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.

Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before!

"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store." 

"Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!"

I've realized Christmas is the kindness of nurses we interact with.  Christmas is the loving texts and phone calls and prayers on our behalf.  Christmas is the sweet gifts and notes I got from my students last Friday (one made me cry a lot).

Christmas is remembering that even though things are different and decidedly less festive, Christ came for us.  He came for our discouragement and disappointments and mistakes and shortcomings.  The very first Christmas wasn't beribboned with Bing Crosby crooning in the background.  It's OK to have a pared down Christmas.

What I want for Christmas is to be home with my people and to have Emma cracking wise and making clever plays on words.  Maybe even singing.

That's all I need.

(I mean, I'll still open my gifts...)

Grateful Friday

Emma is home!  I hugged her like I hadn't hugged her for months.  We both cried.  I love that girl.

She and Adam got home late (for me) Wednesday night.  After awhile I said, "I've got to go to bed.  I'm tired."

Emma said, "Are you, Mom?  Let's talk about that."

She had been awake over 24 hours.  She had to wait up to see Mark though.  He finally got home from work and she met him in the garage.  It was good to see those two together.  (But then I went to bed.)

Here's a picture they took after I went to sleep and Emma was making an I can't believe I'm still awake right now expression.

We celebrated Mark's birthday last night.

After school I made a cake.  We had to borrow an egg from the Porters and we didn't have any milk but we weirdly had cream so I made the frosting out of that.

We have a serious lack of basic staples around here.  When my mom started working full time she'd buy extra of everything because she was too busy to know what she had and we'd tease her about it but now I understand.

Emma sat me down at the piano to sing Silver Bells in harmony with her.  She sang while she got ready for the party.

I have missed her voice!

I'm glad we got to prolong our Mark celebration.  (We had a great time together on his birthday.  Ford vs. Ferrari was a good movie and he loved it.  Partway through the movie, he put his arm around me and kissed the side of my head and whispered, "Thank you for this!")

As you can see, Mark dressed up last night for the occasion--in his pajamas.

We had Christmas crackers at dinner so hence the crown.  Mark and Anna both got wooden tops in their crackers so they were seeing whose top was superior.

My heart was happy to have these kids all together under one roof.  Adam asked me to say our blessing before dinner and of course I cried.

Because Mark's outfit wasn't quite complete, he tied his new Seahawks sweatshirt, which was one of his gifts, around his neck.  He always wants a chocolate cake and he prefers a 9 X 13 to a layered cake which is something I can get behind because it is easier.  I crushed up peppermint candies for the top so you can see the remnants of that on the counter as well as the ever present scale.  We weigh and measure and calculate carbs and do more math than we have done since high school.

 He looked like a sailor.  And I don't know what he was doing while we were singing to him.  I only got one kind of kid...a little weird.

I am looking forward to Christmas break.  Not just because I will be home from work (that is part of it but also I know I'll miss my students) but mostly because I'll be around my people.  And my kitchen.  I'll stock the fridge and try to make sense of the pantry which is a hot mess.  Emma and I have a line up of cheesy movies we love to laugh at.  I want to soak up time time time with these people that I love.

Feeling like me

It is restorative to my soul to do things that feel like me.

Pukkis feel like me.  I take a picture of these guys every year and they don't change but I still photograph them because I love them.

I don't know why I love goats so much.  I don't think I have any interest in real live goats but these guys have my heart.

So does the color red.

At school the other third grade teachers and I color code things.  I'm red, Janelle is yellow and Kate is green.  The three colors litter our shared google drive.

Christmas is a perfect time to haul out the red.  My favorite is a mostly neutral backdrop with hits of bright red.

I also love that Adam and Mark accommodate my whims.  They climb the ladders and patiently move things to the right, more, more, more...too far, go back.  Right there.  Wait.  No, over to the left more.  Now to the right.

They just stoically comply.

Decorating for Christmas feels like me.

Spending Saturdays with Adam feels like me.  (I told Mark I wanted him to spend the entire day with me too and it was "my Christmas present."  That's the sort of thing you can get a lot of mileage out of as a mother.  I mean, that's what I've heard....)

Mark and Adam and I went to my classroom (because Friday was kind of a hot mess and I needed to do some triage).  Then we had lunch and did our errands.  At Winco, Adam wanted me to try the self parking feature in Joan.  He had tried it before because he's infinitely more curious and technically savvy than I am.

A self parking car sounds like the kind of voodoo I don't want any part of.

He and Mark cajoled so I finally relented.  We went to a far corner of the parking lot where there weren't a lot of cars.  Adam leaned over and pushed the buttons that needed pushing to activate Joan's self parking.  Joan took over and the wheel started turning and she was backing right into a spot.  Except the spot was where the shopping carts go.

I maintained that this is why I never did things like that and assured Joan she had other talents.  Adam still wanted to make it work.  We went to another section of the parking lot (where there was no shopping cart return spot--because obviously Joan was having an identity crisis.)  We drove along and she was "looking" for a spot.  We were passing lots of empty spaces.  Finally she "found" one.  Adam pushed all the buttons again and she tried to back right into another car.

And I'm OK with it; I'm not great at parking either and I don't hold it against Joan.  And also the entire experience made me laugh a lot.

It all goes to show that life with Adam is fun, even when you're in the parking lot of Winco with a stubborn/uncooperative/confused car.

Classroom Christmas

For one thing:  we are in Orem, Utah and we don't mince words.  It's not "happy holidays" or "winter celebrations" at school, it's the Christmas Season.  We're not even sorry.

I decorated a tiny tree that Emma let me use.  (One of my students asked me where I got the tree.  When I told her it was my daughter's and I was borrowing it, she said, "Did you ask her first?"  They totally trust my integrity.)

I had them write what brought them joy on the wall hanging (some of them added illustrations until I made them stop and get back to school work).

It looks like all we're getting for Christmas is a pencil sharpener and some pencils. 

I made them each an ornament they can take home out of Scrabble tiles.

During December, I want to read them Christmas stories.  I purposely chose books from my collection that wouldn't make me cry.  One slipped through the cracks, Christmas Day in the Morning by Pearl S. Buck.  What was I thinking?

I cried.

I looked up at my students and a few of the girls had teary eyes too.  All of them sat with rapt attention though and I could tell they were all touched a little (or maybe they were just freaked out that I was crying).

Besides the occasional crying jags, it's a holly jolly time.  We have Christmas music crooning over the speakers in the hallway, the third graders are practicing their song for the Christmas Sing and they're also researching countries for their Christmas Around the World projects.  (One girl proudly showed me a map of the world where she had colored in her assigned country, Russia.  I pointed out she'd actually colored in North America.  "I got confused," she said, vaguely waving her hand.  "I knew it was up somewhere.")