Buzz buzz

Jesus, Savior, pilot me 

over life's tempestuous sea 

unknown waves before me roll, 

hiding rocks and treach'rous shoal. 

Chart and compass come from Thee 

Jesus, Savior, pilot me. 

As a mother stills her child, 

Thou canst hush the ocean wild 

boist'rous waves obey Thy will 

when Thou say'st to them, "Be still!" 

Wondrous Sov'reign of the sea, 

Jesus, Savior, pilot me. 

When at last I near the shore, 

and the fearful breakers roar 

twixt me and the peaceful rest, 

then, while leaning on Thy breast, 

may I hear Thee say to me, "

Fear not, I will pilot thee."

We sang that hymn in church a few weeks ago and it has been rolling around in my head ever since.

I had my appointment yesterday to go over the results of my tests.  I have a form of lymphoma; I will need chemo.  That sentence is a lot.

(Coincidentally...I can't sleep.)

It has been hard to still my mind ever since.

Jesus Savior, pilot me.

I was feeling stressed on Monday because my doctor appointment was Tuesday afternoon and I still didn't have a CT scan scheduled and my bone marrow results weren't in.

My doctor's office wanted to just cancel the appointment.

I asked them to keep it.  Adam is leaving today and I REALLY wanted him there. 

I texted my family and asked them to pray.  I needed a little miracle.

Chart and compass come from Thee.

My insurance approved the CT scan and I got it done yesterday at 6:45 AM.  I wasn't even late for school.

By lunchtime, my results were in and I could proceed with the appointment.  I was so grateful.

Now (once it is, you know, approved) I will have the PET scan.  Then I will have a biopsy of one of my lymph nodes to really narrow in on what kind of lymphoma I have.  From there, the chemo plan will be formed.

Unknown waves before me roll.

So here we are with Thelma having a buzzing mind.  My planner brain is reacting like a spoiled child.

Imagine me as a toddler crying, "But I want to know what will happen!

Yet, here we are.

Increasingly, even though I've already been trying to, I need to take one day at a time.

Give us this day our daily bread.

I need to double my efforts.

I need to still my mind and heart.

Wondrous Sovereign of the sea,

Jesus Savior Pilot me