I did it

 One day down.

Yesterday was back to school night.  We had professional development meetings all day.  Somewhere during the day, the hospital called me about my bone marrow biopsy (which is today).  I thought I would just get it done then head to work to continue getting ready for the first day.  I thought wrong.

They told me that I needed to fast because I would be sedated (not general anesthesia, but something).  I need to stay for two hours for observation and then have someone drive me home.

I said, "So I thought I would go to work after...."

She said, "Oh, no.  You can't.  You can go to work the next day."

My mind started spinning and went into superdrive.  I had stepped out of the meeting to take the call and when I was walking back, I saw Matt.  I told him and he said, "OK.  No problem.  I'm not worried about that."

I said, "I am."

He said, "I don't mean I'm not worried about your health.  I'm not worried about you being gone tomorrow."

That was what I was talking about too.

I went and grabbed stuff from my room to work on during the meeting and I majorly triaged what needed to be accomplished and what didn't.

Let's just say nothing is very cutesy.

But I don't really like cutesy anyway.

My team offered to help, but I know how busy they are.  They shared a project for the first day that I handed off to Jamie to prep for me.  (Which she did with lightning speed.). 

They all said to text them if I thought of something today I needed them to do.

I can't imagine doing this without the wonderful people I work with.

It was 83 degrees in my classroom by the time we wrapped up back to school night.  I felt awful.  I was dizzy and weak and...hot.  

Right before it started, I prayed and just asked for all the help I could get to make it through the night.  I needed energy and I didn't have any.

My prayer was answered.  

One day at a time.

I met my students and their parents and they are adorable.  I especially loved seeing the little brothers and little sisters of former students who are now in my class.  I have the third brother in one family and they are maybe the best family in the world.  I loved having the first two boys as students.  They are incredibly kind and loving to each other.  They work hard and are just good.  Their parents don't speak English.  Having the oldest son translate, the mother told me her concerns about the current student and asked me to please send home anything she could do to help him at home.  She looked at me so hopefully that I just wanted to hug her.

I will do my best!

I will try so hard!

When it was over and I finally got to my car, I called Adam and burst into tears.  Because I want to try my best, but what if my best is kind of lame?  What if I can't give everything I want to these sweet children?

Adam was on his way to meet with someone in his bishop capacity, but I went home to Mark.  He hugged me and we chatted.  He told me all the same things Adam had about how my best was good enough.  He said, "You work really hard and can accomplish a lot.  Sometimes you will be tired though and that is because your body needs you to rest.  So you can't just power through."

I said, "But that puts a burden on you and your dad."

He said, "Should I apologize for having diabetes?  Or celiac? Because that puts a burden on you."

That kid!

I had no idea when he moved back home how much I would need him.  He knows what to say and gives really good hugs too.

I slept for 10 hours and I guess today will be a resting sort of day as well.  I will keep praying and keep trusting that I can make it through these days.  One at a time. 

I know how much I have to be grateful for.  Besides all the love and support from near and far, I had a red pen leak yesterday and I had red ink all over both hands and my chin (Miriam told me) but it did not get on the white blouse I was wearing.

Miracle.