I missed it

 I am grateful for the luxury of being able to stay home from work when I am sick.  

I wrote sub plans and emailed them to my team; I got a sub and I assume that everything went pretty much fine.

I also know that my students will castigate me for being gone.  It is deeply offensive to them when there is a sub, even when they like the sub.

I missed being at school.

As exhausting and hard as it can be, I love that place.

It is part of me.  Every morning when I walk the halls, I greet students. Sometimes, cheerful younger students greet me by name, proud that they know a teacher of older students.  Sometimes, younger students look at me blankly, not returning my greeting at all.  It's an equally mixed bag from former students.  Sometimes they smile and say hello and sometimes they just look at me.  Sometimes they look away.

When I see a sort of haunted expression on a student's face, I want to take them in my arms and give them a warm cookie.  I don't know what they are dealing with and I wish I could make it better.

One of my favorite parts of the day is opening the outside door to my own students in the morning.  They tumble in full of stories and greetings, sometimes for me and sometimes for each other.  Some of them look super tired and like they just rolled out of bed and others are perky and energetic.  When they come to school looking dejected, it hurts my heart.

Teachers in the hall are part of the rhythm of the day.  Some click along in high heeled boots and others scuff along in sneakers.  They all smile when they see me.  Sometimes it is a tired smile.  Sometimes it is a white knuckled I-am-smiling-because-screaming-is-not-an-option smile.  Sometimes it is just friendly.

Matt's booming voice heralds his arrival and Riley whistles so you know he's coming too.  The secretaries unfailingly acknowledge me kindly amidst the constant chaos of the office.

In the morning you hear the pledge echoing through the open classroom doors.  As the day progresses, you hear teachers shushing students and praising those who are walking quietly in the hall.  Walking by classrooms, you hear teachers reading, or students reading, or conversations about math.  The halls are covered with students' work and wonky posters made by the student council. 

The sights and sounds include crying on any given day (we aren't far from the kindergarten), conversations in rapid Spanish between kids who seem quiet until you see them speaking Spanish together, and laughter.

Lots of laughter.

In the workroom throughout the day, teachers are there, making copies, grabbing things off the printers, checking their boxes.  Almost every teacher inspects what another teacher inadvertently left lying around, is that something I can use?  If it is, they make a quick master.

One of the things I did yesterday, while I was home sick, was read section 18 of the Doctrine and Covenants.  

When I read, "the worth of souls is great in the sight of God," I thought of my little school.  There are the complicated braids of well cared for girls and students who have warm coats and hats and gloves.  Alongside them are kids with bedhead and dirty clothes.  There are students who have a ragged hoodie that passes as a coat.

For, behold, the Lord your Redeemer suffered death in the flesh; wherefore he suffered the pain of all men, that all men might repent and come unto him.

He suffered for all of us.  He loves us, the thriving and the struggling.  I'm glad I could take a sick day, but I'm glad I can go back.  I think I learn more than any of the students.