To quote Ferdinand from the movie Babe....

 Yesterday morning I had four students sobbing uncontrollably at different times.  Full on weeping.

One girl's dad came to the Christmas sing, but just as we were finished singing. So she cried.

We were working on a group project (the Santa village using area...I'll never do it again) and the group didn't share one student's vision and went in a different direction. So she cried.

Another group put away their project and one of the girls wasn't finished.  So she cried.  I suggested she go retrieve the project and keep working on it and she did.  She also refused to sit by her group for the rest of the day.

Two boys got in a tussle because one was holding a crayon and the other grabbed the crayon and the crayon broke.  You never saw so much accusation and incrimination.  I said, "They're my crayons!  I don't care if it breaks!  You're fine!"

During writing time we were having a discussion and I was taking answers from the class.  One of the boys didn't get called on so he put his head down on his desk and...cried.

We took a five minute break and I showed them a Lucas the Spider video.  We all needed it.

Alissa had had a lot of crying in the morning too.  She sighed and said, "They have big emotions."

After lunch, I had gathered my strength and had a solid and structured plan, but things were still a bit rough.  One student gave his best pouting face (and you've never seen such a great pouter) when I told him in no uncertain terms that he was not to further discuss the existence of Santa Claus.

"Stop," I said.  "No more. I've asked you to stop and you're being unkind."

After the afternoon performance we had about 15+ minutes until the end of the day.  Parents could come and check their students out right then and there.  I considered offering $5 to any parent who would take their kids early.

What a day.

We had an hour of professional development after school (of course we did) and then I went to the chiropractor.

When I was finally home, I took a bath and changed into my pajamas.

When Adam was heading off to young mens where they were delivering goodies to people, he said, "If you weren't in your pajamas, I would have invited you to come with us."

To borrow a phrase from Mark I said, "That would have been a negativo Stevo."

I was done.

This morning after a good night's sleep and another hot bath (the best way to start the day, especially in December), I feel ready for another day.  I really do love those knuckleheads and I'm going to do my festive best these last two days.

Joy to the world

 Every year at school about this time, I remember a teacher who was a guest presenter at my multicultural education class at BYU.  He was a Jewish man teaching at an elementary school in Salt Lake City.  He talked to us about his culture a bit and then he told us that his classroom was the only one that was calm in December.

I do it to myself, in other words.  

I have an advent calendar and Christmas activities and Christmas read alouds and Christmas school work.  For example, yesterday they were drawing Santa's village based on the different given areas of the buildings.  We did a word search for Christmas words of different syllable types.  We did a Christmas song mad libs.

And they are all acting like insane lunatics.

I can't be like the Jewish teacher who visited my class, though.  I am grateful for the birth of Jesus Christ and I think that it is worth celebrating.  Even though my desire for sharing love and joy and light with them usually results in chaos, I can't not do it.

And, when you think about it, maybe feeling deliriously, hysterically happy is the appropriate reaction.

Unto us a Son is given!

In the bleak midwinter

Yesterday a student came back from WIN time with a box that was some kind of project he had worked on there.  He asked, "What do I do with this?"

I said, "You can put it on the counter."

He paused a moment, distracted by something.  Then he said, "What should I put on the counter?"

I didn't even know what to say.

We've been trying (not succeeding) at figuring out area of irregular shapes.

This was one student's quiz:

We got this email from the office:

There was a report made today in the office during lunch that XXX and XXX were drawing pictures of XXX and XXX holding hands.

XXX let me know that she doesn' t like it and that it is annoying. 

She said that XXX drew a picture of an air quote "I love you" character as XXX.

XXX drew the picture of XXX and XXX holding hands.

I asked XXX where the picture was and he said he thinks he threw it away. I asked why the drawing was created and he said that he wanted to make XXX happy. I asked XXX why he wanted to make XXX happy he replied so that she wouldn't be sad.

The office is turning this over to your team.

Such a fun age....

The energy at school among students is accelerating at the same rate energy is flagging among teachers.

I was gathering up my things to go home and the sky was low and gray and I still had a frustrating pile on my desk of things that needed doing, but I was going home anyway.

The sky reflected my mood.

I talked to my parents to check in on my mom and my dad asked me how many more days I had school until Christmas break and I said, "Until Friday."

He said, "That's a lot of days!  You can't quit now."

Rats.

I was told yesterday that I need to keep my classroom door locked at all times.  If a student needs to go to the bathroom or get a drink or go anywhere, when they come back, they're going to have to knock and be let inside.  That feels like such an enormous pain!  There are going to be so many extra interruptions!

Another teacher said, "These are the times we are living in."

And then there was a school shooting yesterday to put an exclamation point on that for emphasis.

It felt very much like bleak midwinter.

Despite the bleak feeling day, the house was warm and I told Alexa to turn on the Christmas lights.  I know I have many many things to be grateful for.  I am grateful for Christmas songs that are beautiful and also give me comfort and hope and reminders of what it all means.   Even bleak midwinters have an uplifting message.  Here's the last stanza, by Christina Rossetti:

I will keep trying to give my heart.

Weekend

Much like Marley was dead: to begin with, we went to the grocery store: to begin with.

Then I decided to make pumpkin bread.  Adam was deep into his church email so I went alone to Walmart (on a December Saturday because I am insane) because it is closer than Winco for pumpkin and cloves.  I don't know the last time I used regular flour, so I picked up a 5 lb bag of flour in case I didn't have enough.

I don't bake much anymore, which is a little sad because I like to bake.

I had the pumpkin in the mixer, I had the eggs on the counter, coming to room temperature, I had the butter softened.  

Friends, I didn't have any sugar.  I had like 1/3 cup.  I looked in the pantry thoroughly.  I used to buy my flour and sugar at Costco because I used it that often.  It was amazing to me that I had run out of sugar.  I didn't even have any brown sugar.  I had honey, so I contemplated using that, but it seemed to invite new complications.  

I announced to Adam I was going back to Walmart.  I think he heard the despondency in my voice and he said, "I'll go for you!"

I said he didn't need to and he said, "I need to wash my car anyway."

I said, "I'll come with you, but are you going to vacuum your car?"  (Sometimes going to the carwash with Adam where he has to vacuum every nook and cranny you never knew existed in a car is like going to a museum with him where he reads every printed word available.)

He said he wouldn't vacuum, so I put my shoes on.

My frustration was high when I contemplated all the things that weren't happening at home thanks to me going to my third grocery store of the day.  As he was parking, I said, "It is discouraging to know I'll be the dumbest person in Walmart."

Adam texted our kids because he said that was the funniest thing I'd ever said.  

I wasn't trying to be funny.

We got the sugar and it wasn't all that painless.  I made my pumpkin bread and tried to triage the rest of my to do list.  Adam made dinner while I folded laundry.

He told me dinner was ready and I came downstairs to this:

Probably the most consistent aspect of my parenting is that my children set the table correctly.  That doesn't say a lot about my parenting, but the table always looked nice.

After dinner we watched Wolf Hall on PBS and I painted my nails and then sat next to Adam on the couch and he tucked a blanket around me so that I wouldn't ruin my nails.

I love Saturdays with that guy.

Sunday was a busy and good day, marred only by Mark getting sick.

We went to our church and then went to Emma's.  She was singing a duet with a friend and then her choir (she's the director) was also performing.  I love going to her ward.  They meet in a beautiful old building in the Avenues with big arched windows in the chapel complete with wavy old glass and some stained glass. Everything from the talks to the prayers were edifying.  Also, those kids can sing.

We hightailed it from there back to PG for our ward choir practice.  My best contribution to the choir was bringing my kids.  Mark started getting sick during choir practice and I don't know if it was gluten or food poisoning, but he was not doing well, poor kid.  I hate that he has to deal with everything that he has to deal with.

The bumps and bruises of mortal life abound, but I'm grateful for this Christmas season and the Savior whose Atonement lessens the sting of all things mortal.  Because of Him all pains and sickness and loneliness and sorrow have an expiration date.

What a wonderful thing!
 

Grateful Friday

 1) My sweet boy from last year stopped by my classroom yesterday to give me a cookie because it was his birthday.

I love him so much!

2) Speaking of love, Adam got to see QE yesterday and I was jealous, but also happy for him.  The called over FaceTime and Adam read a story to her and then I did.  I told her to hug Papa goodnight for me and she sunk into him blissfully.  

Adam sent some pictures and the one of Braeden sitting on the floor at a bookstore, reading to QE, is my everything.  I heard that when you have grandchildren, you get to love your own children again and it is true and why grandchildren are so magical.

3) I'm grateful for prayer.  I have a whole list of people I am praying for.  I'm helpless to do much else, and  even though I wish I could do more, I feel united with them through my prayers.

4) I'm grateful for my siblings.  My mom has pneumonia and is in the hospital.  They all sprung into action and I was the last to know because my phone was silenced.  I had 47 unread messages in the group chat at the end of yesterday's school day.  I'm grateful for the love that unites us and for their sturdy capable selves.

And also we're all praying together.

5) I'm grateful Adam is coming home today.

6) I'm grateful to be a teacher.  It knocks me all the way flat sometimes and can be so hard, but it can also be wonderful and exhilarating.  We didn't have a nines skip counting song, because I thought the nines trick makes it unnecessary.  They wanted one though, so I made up one to jingle bells.  Yesterday I gave children jingle bells and they rang them in chaos and we sang the nines skip counting song for all we were worth and it was fun.  Later, we read a story about people getting ideas from nature and they were shocked by the story of someone getting an idea from shipworms for building a tunnel under a river.  It led to all kinds of discussions about why you would want to build a tunnel under a river.  We talked about the Chunnel and I ended up showing them pictures and we were miles off track, but it was a lot of fun.

Yesterday during "Brain Bins" time, a student was building with magna tiles on my desk.  She likes to be close.  I gave her an idea and she said, "I know you're trying, but that won't work."

I appreciated her compassion.

Lost and found

Every day, multiple times a day, I am approached by a student looking for a lost item.  Often, I know where it is.  "It's on the floor, under your desk" is usually the answer.  Or, I'll have them bring me the box that fits inside their desk and I'll sift through the detritus and hand them whatever it is that had been supposedly irretrievably lost. 

Sometimes, it is a prized trinket that has gone missing and if I can't find it, I'll usually offer a piece of candy for whoever can find it.  It almost always works.  They fan out on their hands and knees, searching and they find whatever it was.

Yesterday, it was one of the girl's turn to open the advent calendar.  She got her mini brand, it was a teeny tiny Rugrat doll, and everyone oohed and ahhed and she placed it on her desk and within the hour it disappeared.  I looked around and didn't see it.  We were on our way to PE and I said that no one was leaving until we found the mini brand.

One boy found it, miraculously, in his pocket.

(He didn't get a piece of candy.)

Wicked headache

 Yesterday I had a headache and it was a doozy.  It just kept getting worse as the day went on and being a teacher in December is not the best way to ride out a headache.

I 100% bribed them the last half hour of the day that I would give them a piece of candy if they were quiet.  I turned off the lights and they got on their computers and they were silent.  It helped me survive that last part of the day.

We went to Wicked, which I would have dipped out of except Mark was going to meet me there after and we were going to meet Adam and Emma at Red Robin.  Also, we were gifted fleece blankets (the Pendleton ones from Costco) and we were in a theater with recliners so I would at least be comfy and cozy.  We all took our blankets and everyone was convivial and happy and I just wanted to die.

I slept the first hour of the movie.  I woke up occasionally because it was loud.  That little nap helped me survive the rest, but a migraine and Dolby surround sound and a brightly colored screen aren't exactly a winning combination.  I didn't know how I was going to do Red Robin.

After the theater, I had a text from Adam that they had changed the plans (because of me).  He was bringing pizza and we were all meeting at our house.  I cried I was so relieved.

When Mark got here, he tidied the kitchen and lit some candles for the table.  We were going to meet at Red Robin in Murray so Emma wouldn't have to drive as much and since Adam had a late flight.  I was so grateful to them for changing plans for me.  Mark opened his gifts and we talked about when he was born and how Emma cried when she found out she was getting a brother instead of a sister.  "But I'm happy now!" she assured him.

Adam tucked me in at 8:00 and I slept well.  At some point I checked my phone and I had a text at 1:15 that he was in San Francisco.

I'm moving around a little gingerly today and don't really have an appetite yet, but I'm feeling a lot better.  Sometimes (often) I feel frustrated and sorry for myself that I get these terrible horrible no good very bad headaches, but then I remember that this is the mortal journey I signed up for.  Things are hard sometimes.  Not just for me.  It's OK.