May I suggest

I am not opposed to artificial sugar.  (Except I chew cinnamon gum to make Stephanie happy...it has no aspartame.) Diet Coke is delicious--add a little lime, you've got pure delight.

Artificial fat though?  That's a little suspect.  For example, 99% fat free butter popcorn...wha?  If there's no fat, then what is it?

Seems wrong.

I don't like the full fat kind either though, that super salty bright yellow substance doesn't resemble the butter in my fridge.

I learned that you can microwave popcorn in a plain brown paper lunch sack.  Am I the last person to find out about this? I put 1/4 cup of unpopped kernels in a bag and fold the bag over twice.  Then I microwave it about 3 minutes until I  hear the popping slow down.  (Microwaves are different so whatever time you usually use to pop popcorn should work.)

Then I add a little bit of melted butter and salt if I want or just have plain popcorn which I like too.

Here's a bonus:  this appeals to my frugal side.  At the store, the cheapest microwave popcorn was $2.22 per pound.  Buying the kernels was $.54 per pound.  Adam said it was my way of "sticking it to the man."  Is the man Orville Redenbacher?

Look at me all healthy and frugal...maybe reducing my carbon footprint as well? (Probably not but I wish because we had a Mark related recycling bin snafu last week and our recycling is full and we are throwing everything away-gasp-until it is recycling time again.  You can't imagine how guilty I feel throwing away a soup can.  That's what happens when you live in the Pacific Northwest for any length of time...recycling devotion.)

(I know a better blogger would have included helpful and artsy photos along with this.  1) I am too distracted. 2) my pictures aren't that great anyway. 3) I am taking it for granted that you know what popcorn and a microwave and a brown paper bag look like.)

Now go make some popcorn!