Grateful Friday

Yesterday I walked with my mom and sisters, sat in my parents' living room and visited with them (and Marianne for a little while), weeded part of a flower bed, washed the inside of the windows, read my book, and ate a really good egg salad sandwich salad for lunch.

It is just nice.

When I was outside, I realized that the sounds I was hearing were exactly like the YouTube video I projected on the screen during end of year testing to make the room relaxing.  Between the birds and the babbling brook, it's pretty blissful.

A good thing about me weeding, is that I have my own plant identification app and it is Olivia.  I took a picture of something and asked her if it was a friend or foe.  She texted back that it was a columbine plant and would have beautiful flowers.

I've also been watching the owls.  I sent Ammon a picture of two of them roosting in the barn window (the barn is his).  

He said it is basically Hogwarts.

Everything was so zen that while I was reading in the late afternoon, I took a short nap.  Peaceful easy feelings abound.

Adam arrived in the late afternoon.  He was telling me something about work and then, in the context of work (I realized later), he said, "I guess it's 5:30."

Then he went to (you'll never guess) mow and I thought that if it was 5:30, I should start dinner.  I didn't bother to verify the time and we have a clock and everything.

So at 5:15 local time, I went outside and told Adam dinner was ready.  When he said it was 5:30, he meant mountain time.

So we had an early dinner. 

After eating and more mowing (him) and washing the dishes (me), we went on a bike ride.  I have a bike I've barely ridden.  I brought it to Nevada because I thought I would try to ride it here where there isn't traffic and rules bike riders need to know.

I brought Adam's bike too.  I discovered that riding a bike after years is indeed like riding a bike.  You remember how.  

What your body forgets is that it is sort of hard work when you haven't done it for awhile.  

It wasn't a super long bike ride....

I'm grateful to be here.  Starr Valley in June is pretty much paradise.

Because I wanted to

I am at Pleasant Hill.  Adam is coming after work today.  Several people have said, "But why go earlier than Adam?"

I wanted to.

I wanted to be here.  I wanted to see if the yellow roses were blooming yet.  It's so peaceful and dreamy and even though everywhere I look I see projects (wash the windows! yard work!), it is still restful.

There was one rose, many more to follow.

Yesterday I listened to an audiobook while I drove and liked it so much I kept listening while I put stuff away.  I swept and vacuumed and tidied and then around 4:30, I went over to Olivia's to deliver a chair (that had been my grandma's--I think we are about done with the shuffling of stuff).  I stayed and visited.  We both embroidered the quilt blocks we were making for Ruben's graduation quilt while we talked.  I went over to my parents' house for dinner.  My mom was working on Ruben's quilt block and I finished mine while I was there.  After dinner we talked awhile, but I was tired so I came home.  

It is strange being here without Adam.

I do, however, have owls to keep me company.

When I drove up yesterday afternoon, there was a huge owl perched under the eaves of the porch.  He sat looking at me and I sat looking at him, not sure I wanted to get out of the car because he looked hungry.  Here is the zoomed in picture I took.

He flew away and went to the barn, where he continued his watchfulness, but also maybe fell asleep.

When I returned from my parents' house in the dusky light, there were three big owls on the front lawn.  Two flew away and with their big swooping wingspans, they reminded me of the flying monkeys in the Wizard of Oz.  The third owl just stayed there, staring at me.  Maybe he wants to be my friend; maybe he wants to eat me.

When I opened the car door, he flew away.

Eat the mice, owls.  

This morning, my mom and sisters and I are planning a walk.  Later, my dad and I are going to get rid of the behemoth juniper in front of the house.  It's nice to be in the neighborhood.

When whining works

I had a headache/neck ache/ back ache on Monday, but I canceled my chiropractor appointment because of the funeral.  I was on the waiting list.

Tuesday I woke up feeling even worse.  I was in a fog of pain and I had stuff I needed to do but I wasn't being productive.  I remembered that Dr. Hayes (the chiropractor) had told me once that if I was desperate I could just come and hang out at the office and they would try to fit me in.

It seemed worth it.

I called to see if that was really a thing and the ladies that work there (who are pretty much my friends because I see them so often) told me the "walk in" hours.  They said that I could come between 1:30-3:30 and they would try their best.

So that was the plan and then a little while later, my phone rang and the kind lady said, "Thelma?  Can you be here by 12:15?"

Yes!

They squeezed me in, the last appointment before lunch.  They told me they were sorry I was hurting and that they hoped I would feel better.

And I did, because of their help.  

I asked Dr. Hayes, "Does my neck get so messed up because of my Scheuermann's Disease (the fun back situation I have)?"

He said, "Partly.  But also your neck holds all your stress and tension and it is your weak spot.  That is also genetic (like good old Scheuermann's) and I know that because your sisters are exactly the same."

So I don't know what exactly to do with that information.  Try to get stronger.  Try not to get stressed(?!?) Keep going to the chiropractor.

And if I have to, whine to the nice ladies in the reception area.

Shane's funeral

Yesterday was Shane's funeral.  It was tearful and very sad.  Adam and Emma and I sang the closing song and my main goal was not to cry and I didn't cry.  I took off my glasses so I couldn't see anyone so that helped.

In addition to feeling sad, I had other feelings too.  I felt impressed by Pam and her boys who all spoke.  They spoke about Shane and their loving relationships.  They told funny stories and expressed their faith in Jesus Christ and a loving Heavenly Father.  They know they'll see Shane again.  I felt impressed by the way they comforted other people. 

After the funeral, there was a dinner in the cultural hall.  I watched Branson nudge Pam towards eating as she was talking to other people.  He said, "Just four bites."

She said OK, but she didn't make any move to eat.

Later, she was sitting at a table talking to someone and Branson quietly set a plate of food next to her.  All three boys are such good and loving young men.  They are a credit to Pam and Shane.

I felt a lot of gratitude for the ward family that mourned with those that mourn.  There was a huge line of people there to express love to Pam and her family.  The funeral started a little late because there were so many wanting to greet them.  A small army of women quickly set up a wonderful dinner for the family and an impressive choir of primary children filed in during the funeral and sang a musical number.

It was a sad day, but it felt a little hopeful too.  It was clear that the same Jesus Christ who conquered sin and death understands how we feel when we mourn.  He inspires good people to serve well.  His gospel truly is what saves us.

(Also, granddaughters.  Pam held her little 9 month old granddaughter and if that isn't healing, I don't know what is.)

Weekend

Adam said I'm addicted to projects.  And maybe.

I finished my big classroom project during the week and on Friday I did another project I had been wanting to do.  I created a toy room/guest room for QE.  

I also created a big mess and got really tired.  We had been using that room for a catchall and holding space for things we were taking to Nevada/ things from school/ things that need to go to DI/ everything random.

It was the junk drawer of the house.

Not anymore.

I've had that desk since I was a little girl.  My grandma had it when she was a little girl.  Pays to be the namesake!

Another project was sorting through the pile that presumably had my desk under it.  

My mom gave me a manilla envelope stuffed with cards and letters.  They were the cards and letters and some pictures that I had sent my grandma over the years.  I can't believe she saved them all.  There was a definite theme in what I wrote.  Thank you.  Thank you for the generous gift.  Thank you from coming to visit us.  Thank you for helping me.  Thank you for letting me stay with you.  Thank you.

One manilla envelope stuffed with cards and letters isn't enough appreciation.  It certainly sums up my relationship with her though because I always had so much to be thankful for.

She saved the program from my high school baccalaureate and also a program from a play I was in when I was in high school.  She saved wonky pictures I drew her.  

She saved photographs of me.

Such a happy child!  I'm pretty sure I was in the running to be the next Gerber baby....

On Saturday I finished up finding places to put all the stuff (some of it ended up stacked in the corner of Emma's room).  Is being an adult just moving stuff around indefinitely?

Geri flew to Salt Lake on Saturday and Emma picked her up and we all met up at Pam's house.  

She has a steep mountain to climb, especially when grief stricken.  I hope we were able to be helpful in our small way, but I know it doesn't do much.  Hopefully our love helps and I know that the Atonement of Jesus Christ helps.  We sat on the back porch and Geri spoke of the love of Jesus Christ and our Heavenly Father and I'm beyond grateful for that knowledge.

I taught Sunday School again yesterday.  I was nervous, but also distracted so not as nervous as before.  Or maybe I'm actually getting used to it?

We had a nice day with Geri.  She went and visited Pam briefly.  Emma came and she and I took a walk.  After Emma left, we drove past the Lindon Temple site and the Orem temple site and walked along the Provo river, which is running high and fast!

Today is the funeral.  It turns out we are singing at it.  Luckily we have Emma to carry us.

Grateful Friday

I'm grateful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  I'm grateful for the comfort I feel when I pray and for the eternal perspective I have.  Sometimes it is all you have, but it is more than enough.

I'm grateful for family.  I'm grateful for the ties that bind us and for the ways we show up for each other.  Pam's mom has dementia and their aunt Susie, who was a second mom to them, has passed away.  When Kathy, Pam's sister, heard the news about Shane, she called Geri, her aunt and Adam's wonderful mom.  Kathy told me, "She was all I had!"

But it was someone.  I'm grateful for the example Geri is to me of kindness and going out of her way to reach out to Linn's family.

I'm also grateful for good people.  Pam's kitchen was full of food people had brought over.  There were a few close friends there standing watch. The door--which was decorated with hearts--also had a note asking for privacy.  The street was decorated up and down with blue ribbons.  I felt a lot of solidarity on that little street.

I'm grateful that it finally feels like summer.  I worked in my classroom again yesterday, but my intention is not to go back until August.  My fingers are itching to do things there but I need a break from it and I'm taking a break from it.

Here's what I did to my books:

I have them grouped and color coded by genre (or in some cases series).  They are in rainbow order, with the neon colors at the end.

I arranged these shelves in a rainbow over here too.

To me rainbows signify hope and promise and there's nothing you need more of in a classroom.

It still needs a little tweaking, but it is good enough until August.

After we were finished with our collaboration time, Miriam said, "Now I am going to go organize!"

I said, "Me too!  And I kind of love doing it."

She said, "So do I!"

There was an urgent knock on my outside door and one of my students was outside with her bike.  She threw her arms around my waist and said, "I miss you!"

She came inside and looked around and said, "You've changed things!"  Then she outlined everything I had changed in case I didn't know.

She would have stayed longer, but her mom was outside on a bike too and said, "OK, let's go and let Mrs. Davis work..."

I'm grateful for schoolchildren.

Heavy

I heard some shocking and heartbreaking news yesterday.  I learned about the unexpected death of Pam's husband, Shane, who is one of the nicest guys I know.  We were just together Monday night.  

I spent yesterday in a bit of a fog, trying to process the news.

I had spent 12 hours at the school on Tuesday collaborating and then working in my classroom.

Jamie said, "You're changing your books again?!?"

Yes.

I know.

I emptied 6 bookcases.  I sent two of them home with Mark (after he had disassembled one of them).  Adam and I built another bookcase.  We moved five bookcases into new places.  

I spent the day there yesterday too and made pretty good progress, but felt the heaviness of grief all day.  

After work, Adam and I went to Pam's.  We had no helpful words, just shared tears and hugs.  When we got home, we talked about our utter inadequacy in the face of such sorrow.  We talked about wishing we better understood how we can help.  I told Adam that I have two hands and on one hand, I definitely know that we have a Heavenly Father who loves us.  On the other hand, I wonder why some people have to face such hard times.

Almost immediately I thought of the Savior.  I thought of what He faced on our behalf.  I remembered that even though I don't know how Pam feels, really, He does.  My prayer is that she will feel comforted and loved.  That everyone who is hurting will feel comforted and loved.