Buyer's remorse

Yesterday Braeden passed his driver's test and got his license.

I was a squirming nervous wreck while he was testing, saved only by Marianne calling me at the exact right time and distracting me.

Then, he climbed out of the driver's ed car and looked over at me and mouthed, "I passed."  My heart soared.  Hurray for Braeden and his driver's license!  He was happy so I was happy.

We went to the department of licensing to finish the process.  I texted exuberant messages to my friends, "He passed!"  They all texted back congratulations, because we're all in this together.

Then reality slowly seeped in.

I started thinking about things like insurance rates and getting the kid a car to drive.

Reality is a real buzz kill.

I started thinking about sending him down the road, alone.  Seriously?

I started thinking about him distracted or showing off like a teenage boy.  I started thinking about all sorts of unpleasant things.

Truly, reality is a real buzz kill.

I thought about the fact that Braeden getting his license is just one more--rather large--step towards his independence.  And that's a good thing, right?  Isn't that the point, that I'm supposed to work myself right out of a job?  Haven't I longed in all my driving him places and picking him up places for him to have his own license?

It comes at a cost though (and I'm not talking about the exorbitant licensing fees or the insurance or the car or the gas).  All that time driving Braeden around? That's been good time.  We've talked a lot.  He tells me about his day.  He turns the dial on the radio and I find out about the music he likes.  I'll miss that.

Stephanie texted me that I clearly have buyer's remorse.  I do.

I am quite sure I will get over it though.  Just ask me the first time I don't have to get up and drive for early morning seminary.