Counterweights

 The looks on the faces of people visiting University Hospital and Primary Children's Hospital range from grim  to haunted to determined.

It's an intense place.

Life feels heavy when people you love are suffering and you are powerless to alleviate their pain.

Life feels heavy when things feel uncertain and overwhelming and disappointing.

But there are counterweights.  So many counterweights.

We loved having Braeden and Anna and QE for a brief stay.  We love them and we are complete when they are here.  QE delighted us with her vocabulary (she says that things are "probably perhaps").  She explained to me what imagination is, "It is when you pretend like one thing is something else."  She demonstrated her grasp of the topic by having a picnic with me on the floor where a book was a plate, her shoe on the book was mashed potatoes and a small stuffed animal was the spoon.  When I got distracted and said something to someone else, she gently said, "Now, keep eating...."

I found her Saturday morning after a rough night's sleep for everyone looking at a book.  It was a lift the flap Follow the Prophet book my kids used to read. Every picture she would say, "What is that?" I explained how Heavenly Father helped Moses and the children of Israel escape or how Daniel was protected from the lions or how Heavenly Father helped David slay Goliath or how Heavenly Father helped Nephi build a ship.  It was comforting to me that that is the narrative in every story.  Heavenly Father helps His children.

Saturday I spent a chunk of time visiting the hospitals.  Tabor had gone to Lund for his truck and some necessities.  I sat with my mom and niece Olivia.  Every once in a while she would be a tiny bit feisty and it made me happy.  Her indomitable spirit will continue to serve her.  She kept asking for her mom and it occurred to me to FaceTime Katie.  I contacted Melanee, who was with Katie and we made it happen.

I was blown away by Katie in that moment.  She said all the right things and the first time seeing her injured daughter, she didn't falter or weaken, but she mothered with a strength that I will always remember.

Later, I went to the other hospital to see Katie (hurray for the sky bridge!).  Melanee and Katie and I chatted and I felt loved and part of something really good with our sisterhood.

Over and over I keep being reminded that family and love and relationships are where it is.  They are the thing.

From the hospital I went to the Carlson's where we were having a surprise party, conceived of by Braeden and orchestrated by Amy, to celebrate the fact that Anna just completed her masters degree in library science.

Emma went early to help and brought some decorations that I contributed.

The little balloons refused to be blown up and Emma hung it misspelled (which is really funny if you know what a fastidious speller Emma is), but we absolutely went with it.

We ate pizza and Amy and I sat at the "matriarchs' table" and had a good visit.  I loved seeing how loved QE is by everyone and I loved that Natalie (Anna's sister) led us in a rousing rendition of the song from Arthur, "Having fun isn't hard, when you have a library card."  I gave Anna a cardigan, the lab coat of librarians.

I created a bowl game using authors and we played boys against girls and even though Natalie was reading aloud to QE most of the time, the girls came out conquerer.

We had planned to drive them home and spend a few days.  We decided not to go to California after all, so bought them plane tickets instead.  I was really sad about it.

I got home Saturday night to a spotless house.  Mark had cleaned up everything before going to the party.  The child made my bed!  I was so grateful but also sad because the visit that I had been looking forward to was not only over, but chopped in half.  

I went to church on Sunday feeling depleted and vulnerable.  Sacrament meeting couldn't have been better.    All the talks were about Jesus Christ.  

Leading the singing in primary brought me joy.

In the afternoon we visited the hospitals and saw improvements in our recovering dear ones.

Counterweights.  What would we do without them?