Cheer up, or else

I was scanning the headlines while I dried my hair this morning.  I don't really have it in me to read the news.  It is too depressing. 

This headline stopped me though.

First, I'm grateful that I can be cranky online or anywhere and there are no internet censors to silence me.

But also, I don't want to be a hater or a cynic.

Even if it's just being a hater or cynic about my life.

Sometimes I feel like Bill Murray's character in Groundhog Day, during the part when he's miserable. The part when he says this for his weather forecast:

You want a prediction about the weather, you're asking the wrong Phil. I'll give you a winter prediction: It's gonna be cold, it's gonna be grey, and it's gonna last you for the rest of your life.

My days are hard.  I feel sick all the time.  I come home exhausted and I don't really do anything in the evenings enjoyable or otherwise, except gear up for the next day by resting.

Then I do it again.

Ever since I had my surgery and port placement, I've added pain to the mix.  Oh, and Adam's been gone.  A lot.

He left again last night.

So where am I going with all of this?  Am I going to cheer up, or else?

I am going to try.

Because the or else isn't that Chinese internet censors are going to come after me.  The or else is I'll be even more miserable.

I have cancer and I don't feel well, but that doesn't mean I have to be miserable or make everyone else miserable.

I bought some books from Amazon yesterday.  I have a TBR stack, but they were not inspiring me.  It was Prime Big Deal Days, so I bought myself some books that I am excited to read.  I'm not helpless.  I can cheer myself up.  Even for one day at a time.

Today I'm looking forward to coming home from work and reading.  That is enough for today.