Good enough

I had a rough night's sleep on Sunday night.  My mind couldn't let go of the day and I felt so sad about the attack on the church in Michigan. 

Mark had told me earlier to stop doom scrolling and he wasn't wrong.

Sometimes I can't bear witness to all the sadness and I need to put my phone down.

My feelings about the attack were coupled with Adam being gone (and he's still gone all this week) and I need to have yet another procedure (port placement) and miss more school and I have parent teacher conferences and it is all a lot.

And I need sleep.

And I couldn't sleep.

I went to school for the teacher work day and met with my team and I already had a list, but I kept adding to it as we met.  There are many things I'm behind on because I've missed so much school.  Also, my teacher work day was going to be cut short because I was doing 8 parent teacher conferences.

I got a phone call that my port appointment is Wednesday.  It meant more sub plans, more lost time.  Also, no Adam to hold my hand and read to me.

I felt this rising anxiety.  How could I do everything that needed doing?  How could I manage all of this?

Emma said she could go to my appointment because I will be sedated and need a driver.  Actually she texted, "I can absolutely do that!"

Mark came to my classroom on his way home from class.  He stayed 2 1/2 hours and put all the stickers on the Chromebooks and fixed my iPad and taped down my rug with this industrial double stick tape of Alissa's and hung up my Halloween decorations.  (Did I want to micromanage that?  Yes.  But I managed to keep my lips zipped.) He sorted reports for parent teacher conferences and went and got us lunch and brought it back.

It made a huge difference.  I was able to get things more or less sorted for conferences.  

A lot of days, like yesterday, feel hard.  But every day I get just enough help to make it.

It is the miracle that keeps happening.

I took a short walk with Kim when I got home and that is good for my soul.  I talked on the phone to Braeden and Adam.

Life doesn't have to be perfect to be good.