Books I read in October 2012

Flipped by Wendelin Van Draanen****

This is YA fiction we read for book club.  I loved it!  It was sweet but not too sweet.  It had enough meat to it to be a satisfying read.  I recommend it.

Moccasin Trail by Eloise Jarvis McGraw****

This is a book I read aloud to Mark for school.  I really enjoyed it.  It's set during the time Oregon was being settled.  A young man that left home as a boy and lived with Crow Indians is reunited with his siblings.  Their cultures clash and I think the author did a great job leading the reader along to better understand each culture.  You would like it even if you weren't a 4th grader.

Some Assembly Required by Anne Lamont *

I read a good third of this book which is saying something since I don't love memoirs.  (Although I want to.)  It was whiny a lot and I felt like she needed to get a life and not be so obsessive about her grandson.  Also, occasionally, it was really insightful like when her son Sam said that since his son, Jax, was born, Sam was only "Sam" in his relationship with God.  With everyone else, it was about Sam and Jax.  I find that true.  After having kids, it's about them or you and them.  For me, they are the main thing I seem to pray about so every relationship is still about them...

 Freedom Train by Dorothy Sterling**

This is another 4th grade book.  Mark read it on his own.  I did too.  It was interesting and I learned more about Harriett Tubman.  About halfway through the book, I felt like the author got a little lost.  She skipped around and neither Mark or I loved the book.  You don't have to love school books, but still.  If you have a burning desire to learn about Harriett Tubman, I'm sure there are better books in the world.

Look Again by Lisa Scottoline ***

I liked this book.  It was sort of chilling and very compelling.  A mother recognized her adopted son on a missing child flier that was in her mail.  It was an exciting read but sort of asked me to believe in a few too many coincidences.  Still, I liked it.

Lincoln a Photobiography by Russell Freedman****

I read this book to Mark and I thought it was excellent.  I learned a lot about Abraham Lincoln and the Civil War and was also fascinated by the photography.  It was the perfect book for us.  Mark and I both enjoyed it.

The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot ***

I also read this book for book club.  It was one of those very interesting books I would never have picked up on my own.  It's one reason why I love my book club.  It's the story of a woman who, in the 50s died of cervical cancer.  Scientists took a sample of her tumor cells and the cells continue to live and grow and are used in research.  This book was also about Henrietta's family and how they've coped with learning their mother's cells were still around and being used.  It sort of rocked my world.  I felt my eyes were open to people that live in the same country that I do but have vastly different experiences and realities. 

The Perilous Road by William O. Steele **

Mark really liked this book.  I thought it was OK.  It's set during the Civil War. (Can you tell what Mark's been learning about?)  It felt like a kid book.  Not too much to it for me but Mark enjoyed it.  Since the main character lives in the South, it gave him a different perspective which was good.

 Curly Girl by Lorraine Massey****

This book very well changed my life.  My friend Heidi--Heidi with beautiful curly hair--lent this book to me.  It has helped me to have hair that is less frizzy.  And when you live where it rains, that is a beautiful thing.  You need to read this book if you have curly hair.  (If you have straight hair, you can read whatever you want.)

Being Dead is No Excuse by Gayden Metcalfe and Charlotte Hays ***

This book was entertaining.  Really, even though it's the Official Southern Ladies Guide to Hosting the Perfect Funeral.  It was part commentary on culture in the Mississippi Delta and part cookbook.  I realized that as charming as these ladies seemed, I'm very grateful that I don't have to go to funerals in the Mississippi Delta.  When I read recipes like Tomato Soup Salad, I was slightly horrified.  It called for unflavored gelatin and canned tomato soup.  Ew.


I felt really busy in the month of October but I read a lot, so life isn't so very bad.

Halloween

For not liking Halloween, I did have a delightful evening last night.  Adam and I trailed behind Mark and company, Emma stayed home and handed out candy and Braeden hung out with a boy named Christopher that is visiting some friends and is from Denmark.

Two of the boys we were trick or treating with went home so we were left with Mark and Gavin.  They are two of the most entertaining people on the planet.  Even better, they don't really try to be that funny, they just are.  Their comments on candy and decorations cracked me up.

Mark expounded his theory on candy quality based on decorations and he would assess a house before walking up to the door. I think his theory is pretty accurate.  For example, we had a lame bowl of cheap candy that I don't like.  (I can't have things like Twix or Snickers.  They are my kryptonite.)  We also had a few lame decorations--Emma's dilapidated pumpkin she carved last week, the bat mobile Mark made at scouts.

Across the street, our neighbors have had a lot of elaborate decorations all month.  They had a cemetery on their front lawn, an automated bat that lunged at you when you walked up to the house and they sat on the porch in creepy costumes and handed out full sized candy bars.

When we got home, we chatted with Christopher about Denmark.  He and Braeden had been discussing politics and the need for a strong military (they disagreed) and I could tell by the animated look on Braeden's face and gleam in his eye that he was having fun.  That kid is going to love college.  He loves big ideas and talking about them.

Christopher taught us some Danish words.  He said I had better pronunciation than Adam.  I wouldn't mention it except he said I had better pronunciation than Adam.

I didn't take any pictures last night (except of my lovely candy arrangement of Mark's haul, which was unappreciated--he didn't even notice) but here are some pictures from the previous week's festivities.

Last Friday, Braeden was invited to a Halloween party and went dressed as a punk rocker, 80s style.

"Wow, that guy in the skinny jeans looks super manly," said no one, ever.

I would like you to appreciate the volume of hair on this kid.

I straightened his hair with a blow dryer (which is not in my skill set, by the way) then I wanted to make it spiky with gel.  When you add gel to extremely curly hair that has been straightened, it becomes extremely curly again.

Dang.

(See, not my skill set.)

So I just got some hair spray and went to town.

The next night we had a "fall social" at church.  The cranky primary president (a.k.a. yours truly) was put in charge of it so that's why it wasn't a Halloween party.

Braeden and Emma both wore black and were administered make-up by Emma's hand.

  They were cherubic toddlers. What happened?  We're all wondering.

(We had dinner at Alfy's before the party.  Sorry Pinkie Pie isn't so great in Alfy's lighting.)

I asked Emma and Braeden what they were trying to achieve with their costumes, "What are you supposed to be?"

They would answer, "I don't know what you're talking about."

Here's Mark:

His costume, Steve, which is not a costume at all but his regular clothes, makes me happy and is brought to you courtesy of a new Lego set that was worth every cent.

If those other two could only catch the vision...

The party was fun (even with a cranky primary president).

Braeden with some of his goofy friends.

See?  She hardly looks cranky at all.  And she's even sitting next to THAT.

I made awards for the pumpkin carving contest.  We had exactly no entries so Emma filled out one of the awards for me:

I hung it on the fridge because Most Improved is something.

Like Emma said, "Most improved means you're not as much of a loser as you used to be."

To sum it up

Writing a post every day for 31 days has been a challenge and I will be happy to go back to writing nonsense that isn't trying to make a point.

Writing about authenticity has been good for me though.  It's caused me to think a lot about a subject that I wanted to learn more about.  In all my thinking and writing, I have come to the conclusion that the key to authenticity is confidence.

Confidence.

When you are confident, you are free to follow your own direction.  You are free to let other people follow theirs.  You are free to not worry about comparisons.

And where do we find this elusive virtue?  Not from anyone else.  No one can hand you confidence.  We try, oh how we try, to give it to our children.  We tell them they are good and beautiful and smart and funny and we love them and they may or may not believe us because we may or may not have believed our parents when they told us the same things.

Since no one can give you confidence or self-esteem, it has to come from inside.  Here's what I know about confidence:  the way you get it is by doing things.  Contributing.  Serving.  Using your talents to find your talents.  Showing up.  Working hard.  People that do things are happy people.  When I think of the most confident people I know, they are not the people that are given public accolades or get stopped on the street for an autograph.  They are the people that quietly go about their lives, serving and loving and creating.

That's what I want for myself.

Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense. 

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Adjust

Every once in a while, though not very often, I'll talk to one of my sisters and they'll tell me that they are struggling.  They confess they are discouraged, feeling inadequate.

All I can think is, "What?!?"

To me, my sisters are superstars.  They accomplish amazing feats.  They are good women.  They work really hard.  Their hearts are in the right place.  In my mind, they should be high-fiving the mirror every morning and feeling good about the lives they are living.

They should see themselves like I see them!

Then, sometimes I consider maybe I should see myself the way they see me.  They love me.  They know I'm trying.  They think I'm OK.

For the days when you feel like you do not measure up, adjust your vision and see yourself the way someone you love sees you.

If all else fails, channel your grandmother.  (My grandma always thinks I'm doing something right.)

I have to interrupt this authenticity...

...to link over to my sister's blog. This made my day and I think it will make yours too.

And really this isn't too far of a stretch from an authenticity post because Olivia is her own person and I pity the fool that tries to change her.

One of the delights of my life is my Olivia.  Five of the delights of my life are Olivia's little pumpkins.

Let them be

Key to living authentically is letting other people do the same.

Of course there are plenty of times when you have to encroach on someone's authenticity.  Especially when you're a mother and your children think they can best express their authenticity staying in their pajamas all day, playing video games.  As the grown up you insist on brushed teeth, vaccinations, seat belts, homework and their towel hung up whether they like it or not.

Other times, you can let them be authentic.  Even when it's painful.

My older son with the crop of curls on his head, despises his curls.  Every opportunity he gets, he talks someone (usually female) into applying a straightening iron to his head.  I think it looks bad.  I prefer the curls.

It's not up to me.

This should extend to people beyond our children too.  Everyone has the same amount of time every day.  Rather than lament that someone else does things you only wish you had time for, take a look at your life and understand that your time is being taken by choices you've made.  If those choices are right for you, don't begrudge someone else the time to pursue what they want.

There have been many instances over the years when my friends do things I wish I had time for.  For example, my friends Stephanie and Dianna go to the temple a morning each week.  I would dearly love to go with them--and they've invited me--but I am responsible for the education of a young sprite on weekday mornings.  Rather than feel wistful that I can't join Stephanie and Dianna, I try to remember that I have made a different choice.  (And one that, sadly enough, won't stay around forever.  Young sprites have a way of growing up.)

Adam said a lot of these posts are about time.  Maybe I'm obsessed with time...

Authentic parenting

 Oh boy.

Here's a hot button issue.  Parenting is The Thing, at least for me.  Just like you, I love my children and don't want to mess this up.  I look at other people for examples.  It's natural to see successful children and trace the line back to their parents and want to copy everything those parents did.  I want there to be a formula to follow.  Exact, precise measures to take to ensure happy, successful, responsible, moral and kind children.

Does such a formula exist?  Because even though I'm bad at following directions, I would put all my energy into following it.

Until I find that formula (which I am not very hopeful about), I will rely (I will try to) on a few basic things I know.

First I am grateful for scriptures and the Gospel and example of Jesus Christ that give me a lot of help in knowing which way to go.

I'm grateful for prayer.  It helps.

Finally, I'm grateful for an exchange I watched years ago. If I could just hold it in my head, I will remember there are lots of good ways to be a mother.

I was talking with two women who are older than I am and who have children older than mine.  The first woman was describing the routine at her house that seemed really inconvenient for her, the mother.  The second woman seemed a little taken back.  She, like me, seemed to think this first mother was taking ridiculous steps to cater to her children.

The first mother shrugged.

She said, "I don't mind.  I have good kids and it works for us."

I think I gasped on the inside.  Because she was right.  She does have good kids.  This mother is a serene and confident woman.  She doesn't parent based on other people.  In fact she did things other people (like me) would never do.  And she didn't care.  She felt like she was OK.

Wow.