My Expertise

I didn't have English teachers in high school.  I had a former P.E. teacher who taught me English one year.  I had a drama teacher who didn't teach me English the other two years (though he was supposed to).  My senior year, I was in English 101 and 102, taken from the local (50 miles away) community college.  I was in English 101 and 102 because I was supposedly above the level of senior English at my little school.

I wasn't above the level of anything.

And I also didn't learn anything in English 101 or 102.  We met with our teacher two days a week in the school library.  He "taught" us who knows what and every Friday we went, as a class, to The Burger Express for french fries.  Because it was fry-day.

This is all by way of excuse/explanation.  I avoid taking the blame if I can possibly manage.

I wasn't taught.  You've likely noticed from my blog posts that my grammar skills are sketchy.  (Adam notices.  He has learned not to act like he notices...he's smart, that one.)

So now I'm teaching grammar to my offspring and it's harder than the rudimentary grammar that I know.

I'm terrible at it.

Today, as Braeden and I were struggling through his assignment, trying to remember when numbers have hyphens and when they don't (it's something to do with when they're used as adjectives or nouns?) and trying to figure out the rules of colons.

Braeden said, "This is really the blind leading the blind isn't it?"

I agreed.  I said Emma should be helping him.  She gets grammar.  Braeden said, "How does Emma know this stuff?  You didn't teach her.  Is it instinctual for her?"

Maybe.

Also, I should add that I have no illusions of dignity in this motherhood thing.  That left during childbirth and continues into grammar.


On the way to the orthodontist, we were talking about Father's Day and I told Braeden I was going to get Adam a Bluetooth for his cell phone because they mean business around here about cell phones and driving.  Braeden said, "Will it work with his phone?"

I said, "Braeden, who do you think I am?  I have no idea.  I strictly know about punctuating with colons, that's all."

My dear son earnestly asked, "So Mom, what do you know about?  I mean, I know you know stuff, you're good at stuff, but is there a topic you know about?"

I told him I got the vocabulary award in 6th grade.

I'm pretty sure he was impressed.  I think he was.  Maybe.

(I thought of this later...maybe my greatest area of expertise is raising cheeky children.)