At your service

 I have no medical training, but I am called on for many a medical quandary.

Pretty much if it is any skin malady, I offer lotion.  It almost always helps the itchy, sore, bug bitten skin my students have.

Also band-aids.  So many band-aids.

Then there are the hypochondriacs.

My leg hurts.  

My response is always the same.  "Go sit down.  Don't move.  You rest that leg.  If you need a sharpened pencil, tell me.  Don't get out of your seat."

It never really lasts.

Yesterday a student said it hurt her mouth when she opened it.  I told her to go do her iReady lessons.  I told her, "Good news, you don't need to open your mouth to do iReady."

If they would all stay in their seats and keep their mouths shut, imagine how much we could accomplish!

Another student showed me her arm (that looked approximately like an arm).  I failed to see the problem and she was deeply offended and acted like I owed her money.

I said, "What do you want me to do?"

"I don't know!" she huffed.

Later she tied a sling out of her sweatshirt and wore it all day like that.

They expect me to know things, even when all indications (have some lotion and go sit down and do your work) would make it clear that I don't really know much about medicine.

I had recess duty yesterday and three students called me over with such urgency that at first I thought someone was hurt.

They were standing near the map of the United States that is painted on the blacktop.  "Which one is Arizona?" they asked.  They were having a heated argument and all three of them were incorrect.

I showed them Arizona.

Then they wanted to know state after state.  One of the boys wanted to know where the Patriots were from.  How about the Miami Dolphins? Where are the Bills from?  I pointed out all the states and one of the students said, "You're really smart!"

They rapid fire quizzed me and I knew all the states to their everlasting appreciation.

They need to stick to questions like that and not expect me to know what to do about a sore arm.

Speaking of medical things I don't know about, I have chemo today.  My last one that has an asterisk in my brain, because is it the last one?  I don't know yet.

I'll sit down and do my work and maybe put some lotion on....

That's all I got.