Words We Don’t Use

Last week, when the dentist office was scheduling “restorative treatment” for Mark (a.k.a. getting his cavity filled), I was asked to sign a form—sort of a contract—acknowledging that I understood their philosophy. They say things like "restorative treatment" and want the dentist visit to be “positive”. I'm supposed to play along with the illusion.

Who are they kidding? People aren’t going to have a positive experience at the dentist. They just aren’t. If dentists needed people to like them and have a good experience they should have gone into a different field…like working at an ice cream parlor. Now that’s a positive experience.

After I signed the form, the hygienist said to me quietly, “There are also certain words we don’t use.” Did she mean swear words? OK, I’ll try to keep my five year old from swearing like a sailor when he’s having his Positive Restorative Treatment. She must have sensed my confusion because she clarified in a stage whisper, “We don’t use words like shots.” I think I just nodded. What can you say in the face of such silliness?

Mark has an appointment tomorrow with his pediatrician for his well child visit and to get shots—sorry, immunizations—for the start of kindergarten. Every time I bring it up with Mark (because I guess I’m of the opinion that he should know what’s coming) he gets mad and runs away saying, “I’m not getting shots!” I've tried to sweeten the deal with a promise of ice cream afterwards. I think that’s helping, but, like it or not, he’s getting shots. I’m in favor of shots. Especially when you consider the alternative, like getting polio or feeling the dentist drill your teeth.

Are our children so delicate that we can’t use words like shots? Should we also stop saying words like clean your room and broccoli because it will damage their tender sensibilities?

I think I’ll institute words we don’t use in our house. A list of things I don’t like. If I don’t mention them, maybe they won’t exist. Here’s my short list:

Muddy shoes
Allergies
Reality TV
Gas Prices
Corn Dogs
Telemarketers
and Dentists