90% unsuitable

Moving.

This is hard.  It's even harder if you are 90% unsuitable for the task.

I'm 10% suitable for the task because I can summon the work ethic my parents instilled in me.  I can do the work.  I can work hard.  Also, I can write lists.  I can organize and prioritize and write lists that would knock your socks off.

Other than that, I'm terrible at this.

Abysmal.

If moving were my job, I would be fired.

It's not even keeping my emotions in check that's the problem--and that's not always easy--it's the other parts of my personality that are completely at odds with this process.

For one thing, I have too much stuff.  And I have been getting rid of stuff all year--five things a day.  Why couldn't I be a minimalist?  I could have been one of those people with empty rooms and cleared surfaces and crisp white walls and all lucite furniture.

But I'm not one of those people.

For another thing, I'm a planner.  On the surface, it may seem like this would be an asset in moving to a new state.  It isn't.  The reason I'm a planner is because if I don't have a good plan, if I don't have everything figured out, I feel anxiety.  I have very little figured out.  Question marks swim in my brain (mostly between the hours of 2:00-4:00 AM). There are a million (more or less) factors out of my control.  Everything from will someone buy our house to how long will closing on the new house take EXACTLY?  (I don't want estimates.)  Also I don't know (and won't until the counselors are at the new school) EXACTLY when we need to be there to register the kids for school.  It sort of kills me to not know the answers to every question.  Why couldn't I be one of those flexible free spirits?  I could have been one of those people who wakes up in the morning and decides on a whim to go berry picking or sky diving and can readjust to whatever life hands them.

But I'm not one of those people.

Finally, I'm an introvert.  A lot of the moving process is torture for introverts.  You have to have strangers in your home to scrutinize it; you have to talk on the phone to a million (more of less) strangers as you set up and transfer your life.  People in our neighborhood walk or drive by and stare at our For Sale sign.  They're curious.  I get that, but I like anonymity.  Why couldn't I be outgoing?  I could have been one of those people that never met a stranger and loves talking to people and being the center of attention.

But I'm not one of those people.

The knot in my stomach was particularly tenacious when Adam and Mark were away at scout camp.  Adam has calming powers.  While he was gone I slept poorly, which is pretty much my norm lately but I had really bizarre dreams including but not limited to a half human, half baked potato (complete with foil).  Braeden told me I was crazy and I said, "Hey!  I'm going through some things!"  He smiled and probably patted me on the head which apparently is fun to do when you tower over your mother.

When Adam got home I told him all my anxiety (which he already knew about because he feels it too but he is better at keeping it in check) and he told me all of the things to make me feel better (which I already knew but sound better coming from Adam.)  He pointed out to me the difference between not being able to handle a situation and not enjoying a situation.  Because I guess I am handling it; no one has met any grave calamity (yet).  For some reason, just realizing that distinction has helped me.  Feeling inept and incapable is no way to feel.  Feeling like this is no fun but it will improve eventually is better.

I may be 90% unsuitable for moving but Adam is 100% suitable for being my husband.  He has had 19 years to perfect the art.  (Happy Anniversary Adam!)