Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Tiny notes

Dear Yale Alumni Magazine,

Is it proof that I never would have fit in as a Yale student that the only part of your magazine that interests me is the personal ads?

Dear Yale Alumni Magazine Personal Ads,

You've been disappointing me lately.  I love the pretentious people seeking other pretentious people.  Give me more.


Dear Dickey's Barbecue Pit,

Hats off to you for being an all American melting pot.  On your menu you had Bangers and Mash on the menu featuring jalapeno kielbasa.  A dizzying array of cultures.

Dear Olivia,

As someone who has lived in both England and Poland and who is married to a Mexican, I think you should go to Dickey's for Bangers and Mash jalapeno kielbasa.

Dear Every Sweater I've Ever Bought,

I am flattered that you think I'm the type of person that would catalog away this tiny little bag of yarn in case my sweater gets a hole or snag.  I'm flattered you think I would have the skills to put this little piece of yarn to use.

Dear Marianne and Adam,

I love that when I'm shopping with either of you, I can say, "What's 20% off?"  "What's 30% off?" and you just spit out a number since you both are math whizzes.  You both also try to teach me.  You say things like, "Well, what's 10% and then double that and you get 20%," or "Well, it's 1/5..."

Maybe because you're both the oldest child you want to help me but really, I don't want to do the math.  That's why I asked you.

Keep being smart, you two.  You kids come in handy.

Dear Mark,

I had a run in with a mop handle.  Sorry about that.

(We'll call this my revenge for someday when I'm a grandma.  Grandma got run over by a reindeer but she smashed the reindeer with a mop handle so she probably had it coming.)


Related Posts with Thumbnails