Grateful Friday

After smugly feeling like maybe I had conquered headaches, I had a doozy.  Not horrible, but days long. If I don't have a headache for awhile I think I'm cured and if I have a bad headache, I think I'm dying.  This was somewhere in the middle, but I didn't like it.

Speaking of dying, I realized that root rot was the problem with my two plants.  I spread the soil out in the sun on the side of the house by the driveway where nothing grows anyway.  Maybe the soil can get itself figured out.  I washed the pots and set them on the deck for the sun to sanitize.  I threw the plants away.

Sometimes you just need to start over.

My mom called me yesterday to see why I hadn't written a blog post.

I told her about my headache.

I also told her about other things that were bothering me and she said, "I understand."

Sometimes you just need your mom.

I told Mark I needed to go to Walmart and he said he'd go with me after work.  Sometimes it's the little things like a buddy to go to Walmart.

I'm still trying to wade through and get rid of photos I don't want on my old computer.  It is boring and not very fun, but then I come across good stuff like pictures from Braeden and Anna's wedding.  

Root rot, headaches, disappointments.  They are all tempered by good things too.

It's my turn to teach Sunday School this weekend.  There's so much good stuff there, I don't think we'll have time to talk about it.  The title of the lesson is He is risen.

Talk about good news.

Did the ancient Egyptians know about Cadbury eggs?

Because they have preserving properties in them!

Yesterday I just bit the bullet and cleaned the dungeon.  I always tell myself I'm going to gradually do a project in a measured way and when it's something like that, I just do the entire thing because I want it over and done with.

I have a box of Easter decorations that I haven't been into for years.  They are kind of little kid Easter decorations and I'm saving them because Nana duties are taken very seriously around here.  There was a perfectly intact Cadbury egg inside.  Years.

I have three boxes ready to go to DI and I threw away a bunch of stuff and I took pictures of some stuff and sent it to my children to see if they were interested.

Mark was interested.

Which resulted in this:

The agony and ecstacy of a mom cleaning I guess.

I found the Skylanders for Mark, but years ago I threw away the duel disk launcher and you can't come back from something like that apparently.

(I also once got rid of the Transformers because I hated them.  They were too hard for my kids to transform them and they were ugly and plastic and junky.  And beloved.  I know that now....)

This box cracked me up though:

Cross another thing off the list!

✔ dungeon

These are the days

 These are the days of...

• knocking things off my to do list and then remembering five more things I need to add
• preparing for July--family reunion, trip to Pacific Northwest, Braeden, Anna and QE visiting
• Meal Matrix Monday with Mark (we forgot the M and M's last night, which feels kind of tragic now that I remember)
• trying to make Ruby laugh with my dumb jokes over FaceTime (not really succeeding)
• not being interested in any of the Tuesday movies at Water Gardens (also feels kind of tragic, but that to do list....)
• it starting to get hot
• reading Think Like a Monk and thinking about things (like a monk?)
• trying to get up the courage to clean our storage room in the basement which we call the dungeon because that is an apt description
• feeling anxious about my Sunday School lesson
• bare feet 
• spending a little time with Adam and Mark in the evening

These are the days.

Weekend

My slow moving start to today is inversely proportional to my really big to do list.  

We had a nice weekend though.

Adam and I went to Nevada and as soon as he unloaded the car, he started mowing.  I put everything away and swept the floors and did all the things.  It is nice to be there and feels more and more like ours.

Hedwig disagrees.

She likes our front porch and has a very accusing look whenever she sees me.

Saturday morning, I was awake before Adam and I noticed three cows come down the orchard side of the house (they were escapees from up on the hill).  They knocked over our Starlink satellite thing that we need to mount on the roof (for example, cows knock it over).  Then the cows started licking it.  It is white and square and I think they thought it was a salt block.  I opened up the door to go chase them away but I was barefoot and I saw the offering of mice bones on the doorstep that Hedwig had left and I opted to just yell at the cows instead.

Adam thought it was an exciting way to wake up.  Me yelling, "Go away!"

Adam finished mowing while I went over to my parents' house.  Olivia called when I was there and she was driving home from girls' camp.  Also she was sick.  We heard about her time while she drove and my mom and I both cried because we were touched by all the great things that happened at girls' camp.  Olivia does so much good in the world and I'm glad she's mine.

Olivia got home so my mom and I walked some codeine cough syrup over to her.  Our cousin Hannah had gone to girls' camp too with her girls so their family was at Olivia's.  It was fun to see them and visit a little.  Edgar was making Mexican hot dogs and Olivia encouraged us to stay.

When Edgar is making anything I need about zero encouragement to stay.

Our car was at my parents' house and Adam was at our house with no car so I not only invited Adam to lunch too, but I borrowed a car to go get him.  

Basically I have a lot of social graces....

But Edgar's cooking!

In the afternoon Adam and I cleaned off the front porch--mostly Adam with the power washer--and we washed the outside of the windows and we repaired six screens.  

I also admired the yellow roses.

Yellow is not my favorite color but those are my favorite flower.  They smell amazing and remind me of the most idyllic summer day of my childhood memory.

After dinner we went to my parents' house to visit--Marianne and Robert and Carolina were there too.  My dad said that he wanted to ask me a favor.  I asked if he wanted me to do some excavating, because I could use the practice....

It wasn't that.

We are in full planning mode for the family reunion.  My dad's family is in charge this year and I am armed with a list.  If I had a nickel for every time my mom told me to save the receipts because she is going to pay me back, I wouldn't need to save any receipts. 

I love that about my mom though.  She wants to do stuff for her children and not the other way around and she learned it from her mom.  They are generous ladies!

Sunday morning we closed up the house which was pretty fast because we'll be back next week, but is always a thing.  I wanted to tell Hedwig yes to catching mice but no to leaving their bones on the doorstep but she wasn't around.

Braeden was speaking in his ward so we listened to that during the first part of sacrament meeting in the Wells.  Covid's best gift is being able to hear Braeden speak in church.

My mom taught Relief Society and I loved hearing her teach.  It reminded me of when she was my  Merrie Miss teacher and my YW leader.  And also, you know, being my mom.  She's taught me a lot over the years and I appreciate her wisdom.  I also loved sitting next to Olivia in Relief Society.

Every time we're there, I hate to leave.

The land of the setting sun does not disappoint.

Grateful Friday

Today Adam and I are heading to Nevada, after he has several work meetings.  We are going so we can do exciting things like wash windows, repair screens (we'll try), clean the porch, mow.

It occurs to me that maybe we are a little crazy to have taken on two sets of chores.  This is the life we've chosen though and I'm grateful for it.  I created a Snapfish book about the fire that destroyed my grandparents' house and the house they rebuilt.  When I think about the legacy they left that I want to carry on, the house doesn't seem like the main part of it (their lives were the legacy), but it is part of it.  I love that spot.  It feels like an uphill climb as we are getting it up and running, but I think eventually it will become more maintenance and less recovery.

And I'm grateful to get to spend some time with Adam.  

I'm grateful that since I'm home and Mark is working from home, we can eat lunch together every day.  He has a lunch break from 12:45-1:15 and I have it ready to go so we can sit and chat and I love it.  Also, I made one of his favorite recipes last night:  sausage sandwich squares.  They are basically a pizza with a top crust too.  I made gluten free pizza dough and it felt very high stakes because I wanted to get it right.  Much like everything gluten free, it was...OK at best.  I think there are things I could do to improve it.  Making something Mark hasn't had for a few years and watching him smile when he takes the first bite is worth a lot to me.

I was given my friend Michelle as a ministering assignment.  It's the kind of assignment that you think, "Oh good."  I visited her yesterday and it was so nice.  We talked and it very quickly became very real.  We shared our vulnerabilities and tears and she said really helpful things that I needed to hear and I hope I was able to help her a little bit too. 

It's a far cry from some ministering assignments I've had where I am kind of at loose ends to know what I can do to get close to someone that seems like I'm hassling them when I ask.  I thought, this is the point though.  If we can connect with each other enough that it feels helpful and enriching to visit each other, that is the point.  I was grateful for a glimpse of what to keep working towards.

It's nice that none of us are done improving.

Pretend decorator

When I left the movie theater on Tuesday, I had a missed call from Adam.  I texted him and he texted back, "I was calling for decorating advice."  No further explanation.

You just never know with that guy.

Facilities fall under the umbrella of his job and when he was at the office of WGU in Columbus, OH, he decided the facilities needed a little help.  He had gone to IKEA and purchased some things and later he FaceTimed me and asked my advice on placement while he was there with another guy assembling furniture.

I said, "Let me see it with the plants there, now there."

He said, "Should I put two chairs there and two chairs there?"

I said, "No.  Make a conversation area."

I don't really know what I'm talking about, but I pretend and I'm always ready with an opinion.

Later he texted me pictures.

Later still I talked to Adam when he was back at his hotel.  He said, "I did what you taught me.  I bought three plants.  I made sure they were different, but about the same size."

I don't remember ever having a lesson about "buy three plants," but three was the right choice.  

He knows that you should buy three and I know what a designated hitter is in baseball (I for sure didn't used to know that).  In marriage you just rub off on each other I guess.

Slow and easy summer

My thoughts are with my poor sisters at girls' camp this week.  As if camping weren't miserable enough, there is a FREEZE ALERT there.  The high yesterday was in the 50s.  

I, on the other hand, have been living the easy summer life.

I've been doing my little projects.  Reading this, organizing that.  Because it was Juneteenth on Monday, Emma and Mark didn't have to work.  We took a walk along the Provo River.  Emma wanted more than anything to jump in and swim.  

I don't understand how my children just want to swim any time they see a body of water and they don't understand why I don't just want to swim any time I see a body of water.

We had lunch and were going to go scope out Mark's new apartment he'll move to in August.

I said, "First I have to deliver a statue to Liberty."

And that delighted me to say.

It was more of a figurine than a statue, but how could I miss saying a statue for Liberty?  Years ago, I had given my grandma a figurine of a mother and daughter and the daughter was holding a violin.  I got it back because anything you had gifted my grandma with, you got back.  I decided to give it to Liberty, my favorite violin player.

Mark's new apartment is wonderfully close to Delawarde. Delawarde itself is something of a wonder.  Adam and I lived there, Marianne and Robert lived there, Anna's parents Mark and Amy lived there, Braeden and Anna lived there and now Liberty and Nikki live there. 

I think it is basically QE's destiny to end up there someday.

After we located Mark's apartment, we parted ways and Emma and Mark went swimming at the Provo Rec center and I went home.

Monday night I went to YEN without Adam which felt a little awkward for a couples group, but when I got there it wasn't awkward at all because they are my friends.

Yesterday we got our piano tuned.  Emma had the idea to give that to Adam for Father's Day.  Adam doesn't play the piano, but he loves it when Emma does and he wanted it tuned.  Trust Emma to know the perfect gift for her dad.

In the afternoon Nola and I went to Elemental at Water Gardens.  It was impressive just like all Pixar movies, but not as magical as a lot of Pixar movies.  Still.  $5 Tuesday. 

Since I wasn't home on Monday, Mark and I had Meal Matrix Monday on Tuesday.  He chose the menu and made pesto pasta with chicken.  I sat at the counter and chatted with him, answering a couple of questions, but he made everything himself.  We had a scale for assessing the meal--ease, time, cost, nutritional value, taste.  We are nothing if not lovers of rating things.

It checked all the boxes so after dinner we each got five M and M's.  Don't think we are not taking this job very seriously.

We read a chapter in the Book of Mormon and prayed together and then the two introverts went their separate ways for the rest of the evening.  I carried the Costco size jar of M and M's back upstairs to my office closet, because they aren't for idle snacking.  Mark started laughing at me.  He said it looked like I was going to go upstairs and drown my sorrows in a huge amount of M and M's.

There could be worse ways to drown sorrows. 

Dads

Did you ever read The Luckiest Girl by Beverly Cleary?  It's about a teenage girl who spends a year in California and feels out of place but then dazzles everyone with her knowledge of donut holes.  Everything Beverly Cleary touches is magic.

I digress.

I very often feel like the luckiest girl (minus the donut holes, but I do like donut holes).

We didn't really do much to celebrate Father's Day. (Although Mark got the little bag of chocolates and caramels the YW handed out after sacrament meeting.  Gluten free!  It was an everybody gets a trophy situation because they had every male over 18 stand up to get one.) Adam was on the road for work.

I did talk to my dad on the phone a little.  I'll never not love that he's my dad.  No one (except maybe my mom) has as much confidence in me.  For example, the excavator...  My whole life, if I've ever told my dad I can't do something, he has said, "Sure you can."

He is an example of goodness, has blessed our family with his priesthood power and authority, can fix anything (seriously), is very witty and generous and kind.  

The luckiest girl.

Marrying Adam is the best thing I've ever done.  He is a gift to me and to our kids.  He has a masters degree in International Relations that he doesn't use specifically in his profession (besides he's a smarty pants thinker and writer which are skills he honed with his education), but he said one time that maybe he got the degree for Braeden.

Braeden is studying political science and from very early in his life, he and Adam have talked about politics and governments and current events.  Adam would never let Braeden get away with an opinion if he couldn't back it up.  

Adam and Emma have a bond that I just love.  He has always been able to convince her of things I had no chance with.  Probably she could convince him of things I had no chance with too.  They are a lot alike and dive deep into topics.  They enjoy their time together and understand each other on a cellular level.  (I think Emma is also maybe the luckiest girl.)

Braeden is immediately easy for me to understand and Emma is immediately easy for Adam to understand and Mark is...Mark.

Adam has invested time to be close to Mark.  He listens carefully when Mark explain his interests.  He persists and asks questions until he understands.  (Sometimes it sounds like the adults in a Charlie Brown cartoon and I back away slowly.)

I appreciate the way Adam works hard to be a good dad.  He has always provided the necessities of life but also spontaneous fun and opportunities to see more of the world.  You can't be Adam's child and not know how to swim in a river, argue a point, read with expression, or road trip like a champion.

I appreciate the way Adam is the best possible partner in parenting for me.  He helps me chill out (which I need, often).  He understands how I feel and I 100% know that he cares about them as much as I do.  That is a gift all its own.

Another dad who is ever present even when he isn't is Adam's dad, Linn.  We miss him.  We are still blessed by him.  I know Adam strives to be like him and that makes me happy.  At the recent funeral for Shane, Adam was asked to give the family prayer.  In a different decade, Linn would have been asked to give the family prayer.  I love that Adam is like his dad.

Speaking of which, Adam rarely posts on his blog, but when he does, it is always so very good.  He wrote this about his dad.

I'm the luckiest girl.

Weekend

Can you go on a family history bender?  Is that a thing?

On Friday I was dutifully putting in a little time cleaning up files on my old computer (I hate boring tasks like that!) and I came across the file of the book I compiled for my grandma Jaynes's 80th birthday.  I had pestered everyone for months to write her letters but it felt worth it.  Some of the letters weren't there and some were in the wrong order, but I pulled out the book we gave to my grandma of all the letters and I typed up what was missing.

I also typed up the notes that the kids wrote.  I love these (and the people who wrote them):

I cried through reading some of the tributes to my grandma.  My mom's letter was beautiful as she outlined some of the amazing things my grandma did for her.  I was reminded when reading Olivia's letter of a song I need to teach QE.  Every letter spoke of her love, support, example, generosity and the fun that she brought to everything.

I want to be her when I grow up.

Once I had compiled the whole thing, I put it on Family Search.  I love having things on either my blog or Family Search.  Fire proof and flood proof.  

Another task I wanted to tackle this summer was organizing the box my aunt Jennifer gave me.  She said, "If you get the house, you get the box."  It was full of photos and newspaper clippings and other random documents and it was kind of a jumble.

I went through everything.  I sorted through things I thought some of my aunts and uncles and cousins might want (and I wanted to get it done before the reunion in July when I will see them).  I put all the pictures in an album.  I made an appointment at the Lehi Family History Center to scan some of the pictures.  I want to make a Snapfish book.  I put all the newspaper clippings in one box and all of the other stuff in another box and put one picture in a frame.

See the messy kitchen in the background?  This is what happens when I get obsessed with a project.

I snapped several pictures and sent them to my family along the way.  I think they're probably glad I'm finished so I'll leave them alone.

I loved this article about my grandpa as a mission president.  

This is from an article about him when he managed Deseret Ranches in Florida:

It was the little details like his familiar pocket full of stuff that made me miss him.

Also, the way he was sitting on this horse.  It was so like him!

These pictures are from their 50th wedding anniversary party.

I loved just poring over the faces of everyone and I love seeing the inside and outside of the house that burned when I was 16.

That is probably why I think about having my pictures in a fire proof location.

It didn't take them long to rise from the ashes.  Here they are and it kind of blows my mind that I now have that kitchen.

I could try my whole life and never look as classy as they do though. (Also, can you inherit a favorite color?  Is my love of red in my DNA?)

This picture is from their 60th wedding anniversary.  My grandma is on the verge of tears and that is where I get it!

I loved hearing her voice in the captions and handwritten notes.  I loved all the pictures she took of her flowers. They reminded me that although she would have rather stayed on their ranch in Nevada, she moved to Virginia, South Dakota and Florida with my grandpa.  Support of him and a desire to serve where called were her guiding lights.

The whole experience left me feeling very grateful.  My patriarchal blessing instructs me to be guided by my happy childhood.  When I think of my parents and grandparents, I feel so grateful that those wonderful people were the architects of my happy childhood.

I miss my grandparents.  Maybe I miss my grandpa Jaynes the most.  He died when I was 1 year old but his influence echos in my life.  My mom told me one time, "He loved you so much!"

They all four did.  What a blessing to know that!  I am looking forward to seeing them all again someday.  Of all the legacies they left me:  Grandpa Dahl's charisma and self confidence, Grandma Dahl's loyalty and kindness, Grandma Jaynes's generosity and support, Grandpa Jaynes's love of learning, the legacy I value most from each of them is their faith in Jesus Christ.  I stand on the rock they planted.

Grateful Friday

I haven't done much baking since Mark got celiac disease and I miss it.  Baking bread was my favorite.  I'd grind the wheat and mix it up and knead it and form loaves.  It would smell wonderful while baking and taste good too.  

It was Mark's favorite thing I made so you know there's no way I can make it when he can't eat it.

Yesterday the weather was June Gloom Seattle weather and my tasks like organizing the files on my computer were equally dreary.

I had some blueberries and strawberries were 98 cents a pound at Winco.  What I wanted to make was strawberry shortcake.  I have a recipe that we like so much people from Braeden's mission contacted me for the recipe because Braeden was so high on it.

But I can't make it.

But then I decided what I could make were meringue nests.  They're basically shortcake, right?  It made me happy to bake even though my baking equipment was a little rusty!

I broke that measuring cup dipping it into sugar!  Who knew I was so strong?

The nests weren't pretty, but I was grateful to make them.  I'm grateful to be able to make anything.  I'm reading The Four Winds by Kristin Hannah and it is about people that fled the Dust Bowl for California and it is pretty dire.

Celiac disease is not the end of the world.

Summer

It's felt like a Seattle summer.

The high yesterday was 70.  It's been cloudy and a little bit rainy.  Adam and I both thought it has seemed like the mornings have a marine layer to burn off.

But it's the high desert and disorienting.

But I don't hate not using the AC though.

It's a good summer though.  

I stopped by my classroom (hesitantly, I didn't want to get sucked into organizing something) and I grabbed a book I wanted and stopped by to chat with Camie in the office and that was all.  I heard little voices when I walked the halls because summer school was happening.  It made me happy.

At Costco, I saw two older Bonneville students.  They weren't mine, but they said, "If Lucy were here, she'd be so happy!"

Because Lucy was mine once.

I was glad to see them.

Adam and Mark used to have What Do You Want to Do Wednesday.  On Wednesday night they would do something together.

Mark's friend doesn't work on Wednesday now, so they switched it to Talk to Me Tuesday.

Mark signed an apartment lease and in August will be moving out.  I want to renew our efforts to get him cooking.  I told him we were starting Meal Matrix Mondays.  He didn't seem all that excited.

I bought some peanut M and Ms.  I told him they are for Meal Matrix Mondays since he didn't seem that excited.

He said, "Oh, I'm excited.  I don't think I've ever been more excited about anything in my life."

And, you know, he's never sarcastic.

Lazy days

I checked off a bunch of chores from the list.

I also went to a movie and took a longer than expected nap.

Adam is sick with a sinus infection and Mark has had an ear infection and I had a sore throat and now I don't.  Sometimes you gotta be lazy.

I was late for my walk with Clarissa.  We discussed The Little Mermaid.  I don't think there was any way I was going to like it as much as the original, which was magical and such a departure from other Disney or even animated movies at the time it first came out.

I did like the remake, just not as much.

And for $5 Tuesday?  It was just right.  I was the only person there who didn't have little kids with them.  I didn't mind.  Especially when people kept having to leave to take little kids to the bathroom.

Too fast

I felt kind of melancholy about coming back to Utah.  For one thing, my to do list.  For another thing, how is it almost halfway through June?  Summer is already zipping by too fast.  I told Mark it needs to get really hot so I am cranky about summer.

So far it's just really pleasant! (Both in Pleasant Grove and Pleasant Hill.)

I was sad to leave the yellow roses.  They are JUST starting to bloom. 

I have named the female owl Hedwig and she'll just have to enjoy the roses in my absence.  Hedwig and I are getting pretty close.  If by close you mean she is very suspicious of everything I do.

I'm considering going to the $5 movie today.  (Take that, to do list!). It is a decadent summer kind of thing to do to slip into a movie theater mid-day.

Weekend

On Friday afternoon, after we got back from Ruben's graduation party in Wells, my dad and I tackled the behemoth juniper or possibly some kind of cedar.  (It was mostly him.)

I had ridden to town for the party with my parents (Adam was working) and on the way back, my dad said he'd have me drive the excavator up the road.  I said, "I don't know how."

He said it was easy.

I said, "I don't know how.  I don't want to.  I can't."

My mom said, "Don't make her do that.  She doesn't know how."

My dad said, "The Cobian boys can do it."

I said that was irrelevant.  I'm sure there are a great many things they can do that I can't do.

But then there I was climbing up into the excavator.  My dad gave me some very cursory instructions and I was on my way.  I guess I should feel complimented that he thinks I'm more competent than I actually am.

When I was about 10-12 years old, I was moving cows with my dad and it was winter and I was cold.  My dad told me to put my horse in the trailer and drive the truck up the road a ways and wait for him.  I didn't know how to drive a stick shift and so my dad briefly explained it to me and away I went.

He didn't tell me how to stop and I couldn't stop (because I didn't know I needed to push in the clutch) and ran over a marker post.  It made a sickening scratch down the whole length of the truck and then the horse trailer and I thought I was going to be in big trouble, but my dad laughed when he saw it.

So he also didn't tell me how to stop the excavator.  He told Adam to tell me to turn off the key and I didn't know where the key even was and I started panicking and then I ran into my dad's truck and Adam yelled, "Just let go!"and I did and then it stopped.

Adam went to tell my dad, who was using the chainsaw.

I sat there with the same amount of dread as when I didn't know how to stop the truck.  There wasn't a lot of damage thankfully and he laughed again and said, "Oh Thelma!"

He didn't have me drive the excavator any more though.  

He dug up all the bushes and I mostly watched and said, "I'm sorry I hit your truck," whenever I had an opportunity.  

Here is the before and after:

I texted my siblings the picture and Ammon said it looked like when Enoch shaved his beard.  I also told them about the excavator situation which opened me up to some mockery from Enoch.

My role in life is to make other people feel better about themselves.

***

Saturday I walked with my mom and sisters and Marianne and my mom was going to go to Rachel Moore's house for her son's graduation party.  They said I should come.  I said I hadn't been invited.  I'm socially awkward at best, I don't need to be inviting myself to parties.

They said, "It's the Knudsens!"  

When I got home, my mom called me and said, "I feel very strongly you should come to the party.  Marianne is picking me up and then we will get you.  Go get ready."

So I did.  Ultimately, I cave to peer pressure.  I told my mom if it was awkward, it was her fault.

But it wasn't awkward.  It was after all, the Knudsens and they have been our family friends for generations.  I am closer to them than I am to a lot of my cousins.  I was glad I went and glad to spend time with Marianne and my mom.

When I got home, Adam and I kind of lazed the afternoon.  He had finished mowing (I know, I didn't think it was possible) and he did some church stuff and we talked to Emma and Braeden and Anna and most importantly QE.  

After dinner we went visiting to my parents.  It was rainy and some lightning and thunder was happening.  We lost power during the visit, but the flashlight on my phone is maybe one of the handiest things I own.  Power was restored later that night and we finished watching Mrs. Harris Goes to Paris.

Church in the Wells ward was good.  I always feel like I stand up straighter after going there.  I remember where I am from. 

Sunday afternoon I read memories about my grandpa Dahl's ancestors on Family Search.  I started on the left with him and I'm going to move right and read as much as I can about as many as I can.  I learned a lot of things I didn't know and then talked to my parents more about it.  I know the least about my grandpa Dahl's parents than any of my great grandparents.  My great grandpa Dahl died before my dad was born and my great grandma Dahl died while they were in Virginia and my dad was only 5 when they moved to Virginia.  

So I have a lot to learn.

We convened at Marianne's at 6:00.  We had dinner, provided by Olivia, and planned the reunion some more.  Let's just say there will be enough food.  Olivia left early because she goes to bed early and the rest of us stayed and visited.  The men in the sunroom and the women in the living room.  We got a good start on solving all the problems of the world, but didn't get there yet. (We've so far identified a lot of problems....)

Today we are heading back to Utah and Mark.  It will be good to see him again.  I kind of wish I could stay here forever though.  We don't have a washer and dryer, so that's problematic, but we know people who do.

Grateful Friday

Yesterday I walked with my mom and sisters, sat in my parents' living room and visited with them (and Marianne for a little while), weeded part of a flower bed, washed the inside of the windows, read my book, and ate a really good egg salad sandwich salad for lunch.

It is just nice.

When I was outside, I realized that the sounds I was hearing were exactly like the YouTube video I projected on the screen during end of year testing to make the room relaxing.  Between the birds and the babbling brook, it's pretty blissful.

A good thing about me weeding, is that I have my own plant identification app and it is Olivia.  I took a picture of something and asked her if it was a friend or foe.  She texted back that it was a columbine plant and would have beautiful flowers.

I've also been watching the owls.  I sent Ammon a picture of two of them roosting in the barn window (the barn is his).  

He said it is basically Hogwarts.

Everything was so zen that while I was reading in the late afternoon, I took a short nap.  Peaceful easy feelings abound.

Adam arrived in the late afternoon.  He was telling me something about work and then, in the context of work (I realized later), he said, "I guess it's 5:30."

Then he went to (you'll never guess) mow and I thought that if it was 5:30, I should start dinner.  I didn't bother to verify the time and we have a clock and everything.

So at 5:15 local time, I went outside and told Adam dinner was ready.  When he said it was 5:30, he meant mountain time.

So we had an early dinner. 

After eating and more mowing (him) and washing the dishes (me), we went on a bike ride.  I have a bike I've barely ridden.  I brought it to Nevada because I thought I would try to ride it here where there isn't traffic and rules bike riders need to know.

I brought Adam's bike too.  I discovered that riding a bike after years is indeed like riding a bike.  You remember how.  

What your body forgets is that it is sort of hard work when you haven't done it for awhile.  

It wasn't a super long bike ride....

I'm grateful to be here.  Starr Valley in June is pretty much paradise.

Because I wanted to

I am at Pleasant Hill.  Adam is coming after work today.  Several people have said, "But why go earlier than Adam?"

I wanted to.

I wanted to be here.  I wanted to see if the yellow roses were blooming yet.  It's so peaceful and dreamy and even though everywhere I look I see projects (wash the windows! yard work!), it is still restful.

There was one rose, many more to follow.

Yesterday I listened to an audiobook while I drove and liked it so much I kept listening while I put stuff away.  I swept and vacuumed and tidied and then around 4:30, I went over to Olivia's to deliver a chair (that had been my grandma's--I think we are about done with the shuffling of stuff).  I stayed and visited.  We both embroidered the quilt blocks we were making for Ruben's graduation quilt while we talked.  I went over to my parents' house for dinner.  My mom was working on Ruben's quilt block and I finished mine while I was there.  After dinner we talked awhile, but I was tired so I came home.  

It is strange being here without Adam.

I do, however, have owls to keep me company.

When I drove up yesterday afternoon, there was a huge owl perched under the eaves of the porch.  He sat looking at me and I sat looking at him, not sure I wanted to get out of the car because he looked hungry.  Here is the zoomed in picture I took.

He flew away and went to the barn, where he continued his watchfulness, but also maybe fell asleep.

When I returned from my parents' house in the dusky light, there were three big owls on the front lawn.  Two flew away and with their big swooping wingspans, they reminded me of the flying monkeys in the Wizard of Oz.  The third owl just stayed there, staring at me.  Maybe he wants to be my friend; maybe he wants to eat me.

When I opened the car door, he flew away.

Eat the mice, owls.  

This morning, my mom and sisters and I are planning a walk.  Later, my dad and I are going to get rid of the behemoth juniper in front of the house.  It's nice to be in the neighborhood.

When whining works

I had a headache/neck ache/ back ache on Monday, but I canceled my chiropractor appointment because of the funeral.  I was on the waiting list.

Tuesday I woke up feeling even worse.  I was in a fog of pain and I had stuff I needed to do but I wasn't being productive.  I remembered that Dr. Hayes (the chiropractor) had told me once that if I was desperate I could just come and hang out at the office and they would try to fit me in.

It seemed worth it.

I called to see if that was really a thing and the ladies that work there (who are pretty much my friends because I see them so often) told me the "walk in" hours.  They said that I could come between 1:30-3:30 and they would try their best.

So that was the plan and then a little while later, my phone rang and the kind lady said, "Thelma?  Can you be here by 12:15?"

Yes!

They squeezed me in, the last appointment before lunch.  They told me they were sorry I was hurting and that they hoped I would feel better.

And I did, because of their help.  

I asked Dr. Hayes, "Does my neck get so messed up because of my Scheuermann's Disease (the fun back situation I have)?"

He said, "Partly.  But also your neck holds all your stress and tension and it is your weak spot.  That is also genetic (like good old Scheuermann's) and I know that because your sisters are exactly the same."

So I don't know what exactly to do with that information.  Try to get stronger.  Try not to get stressed(?!?) Keep going to the chiropractor.

And if I have to, whine to the nice ladies in the reception area.

Shane's funeral

Yesterday was Shane's funeral.  It was tearful and very sad.  Adam and Emma and I sang the closing song and my main goal was not to cry and I didn't cry.  I took off my glasses so I couldn't see anyone so that helped.

In addition to feeling sad, I had other feelings too.  I felt impressed by Pam and her boys who all spoke.  They spoke about Shane and their loving relationships.  They told funny stories and expressed their faith in Jesus Christ and a loving Heavenly Father.  They know they'll see Shane again.  I felt impressed by the way they comforted other people. 

After the funeral, there was a dinner in the cultural hall.  I watched Branson nudge Pam towards eating as she was talking to other people.  He said, "Just four bites."

She said OK, but she didn't make any move to eat.

Later, she was sitting at a table talking to someone and Branson quietly set a plate of food next to her.  All three boys are such good and loving young men.  They are a credit to Pam and Shane.

I felt a lot of gratitude for the ward family that mourned with those that mourn.  There was a huge line of people there to express love to Pam and her family.  The funeral started a little late because there were so many wanting to greet them.  A small army of women quickly set up a wonderful dinner for the family and an impressive choir of primary children filed in during the funeral and sang a musical number.

It was a sad day, but it felt a little hopeful too.  It was clear that the same Jesus Christ who conquered sin and death understands how we feel when we mourn.  He inspires good people to serve well.  His gospel truly is what saves us.

(Also, granddaughters.  Pam held her little 9 month old granddaughter and if that isn't healing, I don't know what is.)

Weekend

Adam said I'm addicted to projects.  And maybe.

I finished my big classroom project during the week and on Friday I did another project I had been wanting to do.  I created a toy room/guest room for QE.  

I also created a big mess and got really tired.  We had been using that room for a catchall and holding space for things we were taking to Nevada/ things from school/ things that need to go to DI/ everything random.

It was the junk drawer of the house.

Not anymore.

I've had that desk since I was a little girl.  My grandma had it when she was a little girl.  Pays to be the namesake!

Another project was sorting through the pile that presumably had my desk under it.  

My mom gave me a manilla envelope stuffed with cards and letters.  They were the cards and letters and some pictures that I had sent my grandma over the years.  I can't believe she saved them all.  There was a definite theme in what I wrote.  Thank you.  Thank you for the generous gift.  Thank you from coming to visit us.  Thank you for helping me.  Thank you for letting me stay with you.  Thank you.

One manilla envelope stuffed with cards and letters isn't enough appreciation.  It certainly sums up my relationship with her though because I always had so much to be thankful for.

She saved the program from my high school baccalaureate and also a program from a play I was in when I was in high school.  She saved wonky pictures I drew her.  

She saved photographs of me.

Such a happy child!  I'm pretty sure I was in the running to be the next Gerber baby....

On Saturday I finished up finding places to put all the stuff (some of it ended up stacked in the corner of Emma's room).  Is being an adult just moving stuff around indefinitely?

Geri flew to Salt Lake on Saturday and Emma picked her up and we all met up at Pam's house.  

She has a steep mountain to climb, especially when grief stricken.  I hope we were able to be helpful in our small way, but I know it doesn't do much.  Hopefully our love helps and I know that the Atonement of Jesus Christ helps.  We sat on the back porch and Geri spoke of the love of Jesus Christ and our Heavenly Father and I'm beyond grateful for that knowledge.

I taught Sunday School again yesterday.  I was nervous, but also distracted so not as nervous as before.  Or maybe I'm actually getting used to it?

We had a nice day with Geri.  She went and visited Pam briefly.  Emma came and she and I took a walk.  After Emma left, we drove past the Lindon Temple site and the Orem temple site and walked along the Provo river, which is running high and fast!

Today is the funeral.  It turns out we are singing at it.  Luckily we have Emma to carry us.

Grateful Friday

I'm grateful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  I'm grateful for the comfort I feel when I pray and for the eternal perspective I have.  Sometimes it is all you have, but it is more than enough.

I'm grateful for family.  I'm grateful for the ties that bind us and for the ways we show up for each other.  Pam's mom has dementia and their aunt Susie, who was a second mom to them, has passed away.  When Kathy, Pam's sister, heard the news about Shane, she called Geri, her aunt and Adam's wonderful mom.  Kathy told me, "She was all I had!"

But it was someone.  I'm grateful for the example Geri is to me of kindness and going out of her way to reach out to Linn's family.

I'm also grateful for good people.  Pam's kitchen was full of food people had brought over.  There were a few close friends there standing watch. The door--which was decorated with hearts--also had a note asking for privacy.  The street was decorated up and down with blue ribbons.  I felt a lot of solidarity on that little street.

I'm grateful that it finally feels like summer.  I worked in my classroom again yesterday, but my intention is not to go back until August.  My fingers are itching to do things there but I need a break from it and I'm taking a break from it.

Here's what I did to my books:

I have them grouped and color coded by genre (or in some cases series).  They are in rainbow order, with the neon colors at the end.

I arranged these shelves in a rainbow over here too.

To me rainbows signify hope and promise and there's nothing you need more of in a classroom.

It still needs a little tweaking, but it is good enough until August.

After we were finished with our collaboration time, Miriam said, "Now I am going to go organize!"

I said, "Me too!  And I kind of love doing it."

She said, "So do I!"

There was an urgent knock on my outside door and one of my students was outside with her bike.  She threw her arms around my waist and said, "I miss you!"

She came inside and looked around and said, "You've changed things!"  Then she outlined everything I had changed in case I didn't know.

She would have stayed longer, but her mom was outside on a bike too and said, "OK, let's go and let Mrs. Davis work..."

I'm grateful for schoolchildren.

Heavy

I heard some shocking and heartbreaking news yesterday.  I learned about the unexpected death of Pam's husband, Shane, who is one of the nicest guys I know.  We were just together Monday night.  

I spent yesterday in a bit of a fog, trying to process the news.

I had spent 12 hours at the school on Tuesday collaborating and then working in my classroom.

Jamie said, "You're changing your books again?!?"

Yes.

I know.

I emptied 6 bookcases.  I sent two of them home with Mark (after he had disassembled one of them).  Adam and I built another bookcase.  We moved five bookcases into new places.  

I spent the day there yesterday too and made pretty good progress, but felt the heaviness of grief all day.  

After work, Adam and I went to Pam's.  We had no helpful words, just shared tears and hugs.  When we got home, we talked about our utter inadequacy in the face of such sorrow.  We talked about wishing we better understood how we can help.  I told Adam that I have two hands and on one hand, I definitely know that we have a Heavenly Father who loves us.  On the other hand, I wonder why some people have to face such hard times.

Almost immediately I thought of the Savior.  I thought of what He faced on our behalf.  I remembered that even though I don't know how Pam feels, really, He does.  My prayer is that she will feel comforted and loved.  That everyone who is hurting will feel comforted and loved.