Life by the swamp

Today I'm going to let Braeden write my blog.  He has material, that kid.  Here are some excerpts from his most recent letters:

...we saw this on someone's front door.  It was a dry erase board that said if anyone knocked or wanted to buy anything on the front porch (there was lots of junk on the front porch) that they would call their attorney.  It also said that we were under video surveillance and needed a 24 hour appointment to knock.  There was a little spot on the bottom for messages.  So we just left our number.  No one's called yet....

*****

We met the scariest man in the world the other day.  Chuck Norris has nothing on this guy.  He is an ex-Navy Seal.  We asked some members if they knew anyone we could teach and they told us that missionaries have taught him before.

He has a Confederate Battle Flag out front (of course) and his house is full of weapons, statues of the angel of death and a zebra fur.  We spent like 40 minutes in his house with him lecturing us on how Muslims and liberals were the enemies of his country and if he could he'd kill them all.  I was convinced he could smell the Bernie on me....

(side note:  Braeden bought a Bernie Sanders shirt last summer which I neither condoned nor appreciated but really, there are very, very few candidates I do condone or appreciate.)

I was so scared.  At one point he looked me in the eye and asked if I was anti-gun.  I lied, I'll admit.  But it's the same as how Abraham had to lie and say that Sarah was his sister....

He really likes us though and likes Mormons.  He lived in Salt Lake for a few years so he knows us pretty well.  When we were leaving he told us that if anyone messed with us then to tell him and he would burn their house down.

*****

We were fed by the B family.  Brother B is straight up crazy.  I heard a member talking about him and they said he was "a few inches off center."  That about sums it up.  He talks in a super monotone voice and he will tell stories about his life that don't go anywhere.  He was driving us home on the dark winding country road and was going like 80 in a 45.  I was convinced I was going to die.   He started telling us a story about how he hit a bear and killed it.  He realized afterward that his car still worked so he just drove it home.  He came back in his truck to get the bear (and do what with it?!?) and he saw some cops dragging it out of the road so he just drove past.

I was trying so hard not to die laughing.  The monotone mixed with the story mixed with the fact that we were going 80 mph did me in.

Then right before we got home he was just like, "That wasn't as big as the horse I hit though."  There wasn't enough time for that story....

So that's Braeden.  And yes, I pray for him every day.