Maxims

1) A watched inbox won't produce an email from your missionary.

(I've thoroughly tested this.)

2) If a toddler is on the loose and wanders by Adam during sacrament meeting, he will grab them.

(He won't even feel sheepish about it.)

3) I'll read a really terrible book if it's for my new book club.

(I want to fit in.)

 4) The self checkout line is almost always a mistake.

(But I keep trying anyway.)

5) Middle children won't be ignored.

(You should hear the way Emma slams the door when she leaves in the morning.)