You couldn't pay me to be Young Women president. It is just too hard. Sometimes I feel like I have a target on my back and there are plenty of people with bows drawn, ready to take aim. Sometimes it feels a bit thankless. But I keep trying. I keep working and messing up and hopefully learning from my mistakes.
I guess it's a true principle that you can't help but care a lot about something if you put a lot of yourself into it.
Last night we had New Beginnings at church. It is a yearly event for the Young Women and their parents. We welcome the girls that will turn twelve and join the Young Women organization this year and we tell them about the program and what to expect and look forward to.
It was a Big Deal. I worked on it from noon on and I had spent a lot of time in the weeks preceding the event working on it too. My counselors, who are amazing, put in every bit as much time as I did. Probably more.
The room was decorated (I didn't take a picture but it was sort of elaborate). The girls were there with their parents, dressed up and looking pretty. They performed the parts they had been given, everything went more or less smoothly. The new girls seemed to be happy.
As we were cleaning up and my knee was aching, I felt a little hollow inside. I couldn't help it and I couldn't exactly name what was bothering me either. I should feel satisfied, I thought. It seemed successful. It's over.
But I didn't.
Then I realized why.
Not all the girls were there.
One girl had work and couldn't get out of her shift though she tried. One girl was sick. Others just didn't come.
They usually don't.
And I could finally name that hollow place inside of me. I miss those girls. I want them there.