Last night I talked to my brother Ammon. I say that to show off to my sisters because it is a Big Deal when any of us talks to Ammon. We brag to each other about it.
I was describing our trip in the slow meandering way of siblings and I told him that I didn't fit in with my family. They swam in the ocean when it was too cold, their darn hands are NEVER cold and they all love the Tea Cup ride and if I catch it (holding still) in my peripheral vision, it makes me a bit queasy.
Ammon said, "Maybe you're adopted."
I said, "I fit in with the family I grew up in!"
He agreed. Yes we're all a bunch of cold blooded pale faces prone to motion sickness. It doesn't sound like a good group to belong to but they're mine.
And I'm more or less mad at every single one of them.
I may fit in with them but they all live increasingly close together and I am far away.
I talked to Olivia today and Enoch and Jennifer's kids were there. Luke and Ruben were playing with cars. Why wasn't I invited to play with cars with my charming nephews?
I told Ammon that he and Melanee should move to Seattle and live near me. I promised him that I'd invite him over for Sunday dinner every Sunday to sweeten the deal. Then when that didn't seem to be working I told him I wouldn't invite him over every Sunday. Maybe that would sweeten the deal.
He just laughed like you would laugh at a silly little child who makes ridiculous requests.
So see, I'm mad at them.
I picture myself sitting around on a regular basis with my siblings, laughing with and at them and talking with them in the slow meandering way of siblings and I get sad because it's not my lot in life.
Which wouldn't be so bad except it IS their lot in life.
So I'm mad at them.
The only thing making me feel better today is thinking about mud. This time of year, Starr Valley, Nevada is a goopy muddy mess. Thinking about their muddy cars and muddy shoes and the backs of their jeans all muddy from getting out of their muddy cars does make me feel a bit better.
They have each other...but I have pavement. At this point I've got to take what I can get.