Yesterday morning Adam asked me if I had a day to look forward to...or not.
I said, "Not."
I was tired. I didn't get enough sleep. I had a disjointed day planned of errands and driving kids around. But I regret my response to Adam's question.
It's even haunted me a little.
My gratitude had packed its bags and left the building. And that makes me feel ashamed. I have a healthy body that does more or less what I ask of it. I have a car that drives us where we need to go and money to fill it with gas. I have a home. I have people who love me.
And I had a day full of things to look forward to.
1) I spend my days with Mark. One of the goals of his life is to make me laugh. During science when we were talking about the earth simultaneously revolving and rotating, Mark said, "It must get dizzy." Then he gave me his sideways look that indicates oncoming attempts at humor, "That's why there are earthquakes. The earth got dizzy." Then he laughed because he thinks he's hilarious.
How lucky is it to spend time with someone who's constantly trying to entertain me?
He also has a very rich imagination that sometimes defies explanation. For example, why is his angry bird wearing swim goggles and guarding the upstairs? Why is there a clipboard underneath the chair listing every person in the family, carefully written in black sharpie?
Only Mark knows.
Every day I have Mark to look forward to.
2) Emma is reading Pride and Prejudice (my favorite book) and loving it. It delights me beyond reason to discuss favorite parts with her. I love it when she comes home from school.
Every day I have Emma to look forward to.
3) I live in the land of the free. America is not perfect, but it is pretty great. Our days stretch before us with opportunities.
4) Speaking of opportunities, it disrupts my day and keeps me dependent on my calendar to keep it all straight but I am glad that my children have opportunities to take piano lessons, to swim, to be in a musical. They thrive doing things they love.
I look forward to their smiles.
5) The abysmal Seattle weather has been glorious and not abysmal at all. I could have been looking forward to sunshine and smelling fragrant blossoms and climbing into a warm sun toasted car (I love that.)
6) I could have looked forward to walking with my friends. We do more than propel ourselves around our neighborhood. We laugh a lot. We compare notes on the ups and downs of motherhood. We give each other advice and listen and did I mention laugh?
I also, if I'd known, could have looked forward to two unexpected things that happened. I read something powerful that changed the way I look at things and Adam and I had a good discussion with our two favorite teenagers about something that matters a lot.
I wish I could have a do over. Ask me again, Adam. "Do I have a day to look forward to?" My answer, every day, should be yes.