I like having my days my own. I wake up happy when I consider what I have ahead of me on most days. Our house is consistently cleaner than it has ever been and I'm not just wistfully shifting things around on my to do list, but actually finishing tasks every once in awhile.
Some days turn up lonely though. Friday a confluence of events brought on the loneliness.
October 2 meant one month from the time Braeden left. One month? That is completely depressing. Twenty three to go.
Twenty three!?! (imagine me saying that in my best whiny voice)
Combined with that, Emma was gone. She went to Cedar City for a Shakespeare competition. (They tied for second overall! Yay PGHS!) I missed that girl.
I miss the swirl of my children. When I homeschooled all three of
them, by afternoon, I usually had tension right between my shoulder
blades. It wasn't easy.
But I wish I could go back. Knowing how fleeting the time was, I would do a better job. I would enjoy it more.
This was my favorite weekend of the year, General Conference. When we lived in Washington, Janet and I would get together with our daughters while the men went to the Priesthood session. We would talk and talk and talk like we can do. I miss Janet.
To make matters worse, with Emma gone, I didn't have anyone to hang out with during the meeting. It's not like I can't be alone--I quite like it--but when it has traditionally been a celebratory girl time, it felt kind of sad.
I must have been a desolate and tragic figure because Adam prompted Mark to invite me to join them for dinner after their meeting. It is traditionally their time and it was kind of them to include me.
We had a nice dinner together. Over bowls of pasta they told me all about their meeting and during some of the stories they told me, I started crying.
(Nothing quite like creating a scene in Noodles and Co.)
I guess the moral of the story is that traditions can shift just like families shift, crying over inspirational stories is a good kind of crying and listening to conference lifted me above any sadness I could have. There's something about hearing truth that sets me aright. Remembering who I am and whose I am soothes all my perceived little woes.
And it made me happy knowing Braeden was listening to it too.