Yesterday

Braeden carried this around for Emma while she got checked in.

Then shortly after taking this picture, he wandered away and took a wrong turn and got lost in a girls' dorm carrying a stuffed tiger and a plant.  He texted me:

We eventually found each other.

Emma's room was all set to rights and she was happy.

Her bed is tall and she...isn't

After some more errands, I went with Braeden back to his dorm to unload still more stuff.  I met his roommate's mom who was also there, dropping off more stuff.  They're from Payson and apparently when you live close like we do, moving in is a multi step process.  We chatted and talked about our recently returned sons and how grateful we were to be close by.  She said, "I see some parents cry and throw their arms around their kids.  You can tell who lives far away."

I nodded my agreement.

And then I cried and threw my arms around Braeden when I said good-bye.  I just got that kid back.

I think I will buy this shirt.

Then I went and said a last good-bye to Emma and cried a little more.  Darn kids.  Who said they could grow up?

I failed to take a picture of Braeden in his room so I texted him to send me a selfie:

Mark has been lost in the shuffle a bit but now he is back to front and center.  I told him when he got home from school he needs to hug me three times as often now.  So he gave me a big hug.  He's sweet and funny and tall (for reaching the top cupboard) and strong (for carrying in groceries).  I'm grateful I have him.

I'm going to figure out a way to freeze time.

I'll try.

Last night we went to a Court of Honor and he got a rank advancement and I got a pin!  If there was ever a mother who didn't deserve a mother's pin for these things, it's me.  The only thing I do is grudgingly attach badges.

Mark led the color guard.  And I contemplated the fact that he needs a haircut and I wondered what sort of debate will have to happen for a haircut to take place.

Moving day(s)

This is taxing.

Today we move Emma in.  She was stressed last night and feeling (what?!?) a little shaky about leaving home.  It broke my heart a little.  Braeden wrapped his arms around her and said, "You know you will have me right there."  They were both coincidentally wearing BYU t-shirts and I felt this little catch in my throat because those two are some of the best things in my life and I'm glad they have each other.

Yesterday we moved Braeden in (although he slept here last night). 

We met his roommate (he was very nice, he likes the color blue apparently, he is a mechanical engineer major so he can help Braeden with any math needs, and he just returned from a mission in West Virginia).

Walking across the bookstore, someone yelled, "Elder Davis!" and threw her arms around Braeden's waist.  (She was short.)  She is from Virginia--hence the Elder Davis.

Across campus and at Target I kept having to get him to slow down.  He has long legs and a quick pace that was only accelerated by his excitement.  Finally at Target I told him I wouldn't buy him one thing unless he waited for me (and I'm not a particularly slow walker!). We bought all the things and got Braeden as set up as possible.   He's pretty Spartan in his needs and I'm not too worried about it.  For one thing we're close and for another thing he kept himself alive on cereal and quesadillas for two years so there's no reason to think that trend won't continue.

Braeden is happy and excited and it's hard not to get swept up in his enthusiasm (even though my heart hurts because college feels like such a big milestone).  Over and over he'd look around and say, "This is going to be so great!" and "I'm so happy!" and "Thank you for everything."

His prayers are full of gratitude for the opportunity.  Mine too.  I'm beyond thrilled that Braeden and Emma get to go to BYU together.  (It is just a little bit sad and unsettling for Adam and me too.)

Monday we went to BYU for Family Home Evening.  We walked all around and showed them where their classes were.  We commented on all the changes from what I started calling Pax Thelma--the Golden Age of BYU when the JKB was the JKHB and you could walk all the way through the library and out the south side and there was a building known as the syphilis.  It was a simpler time.

Walking across campus, Adam said, "Do you wish you could come back here?"

I said no.  Then I thought about it a little and said, "Yes."

Love. That. Place. 

Drama mama

This is on my chalkboard:

Emma said I should erase "mountains" so it reads "Kid, you'll move."

Because they are.

Braeden said, "I'm so glad ya'll are going to be only 30 minutes away."  (He says ya'll now.) 

Considering he came home two weeks ago, I said "I know! I would die a thousand deaths if we still lived in Washington and I was sending you to BYU."

Yesterday, Adam told me I was being dramatic.

That wasn't even about the thousand deaths things.  It was about my eye.  I've told him several times that I'm dying because my eye infection has been rearing its ugly head.  BTW, don't google herpes keratitis if you have it.  All you'll read is about how you're going to go blind.  And also stress is bad for it.  So don't worry about the fact that you're going to go blind.  It will just make it worse....

I went to the doctor and I have to double up on all my medicine.  For the rest of my life.  Or until I go blind.  Whichever happens first.

(I said that and Adam shook his head.  I think he thought I was being dramatic again.)

I also told Adam that the doctor said I don't have any scarring on my cornea and that the inflammation looks good.

"But you're still dying?" Adam asked.

Yep.  (I mean, eventually.)

Family Weekend

This week is The Kids Move to College Week aka the week Mark becomes the only child.

I may have flung my arms around Emma at one point this weekend and wailed dramatically, "Don't leave me!"

She whispered in my ear, "I'm going."

It was a happy weekend.  It felt like a vacation and like something fleeting that you want to hold onto and remember.  We had some family over, we went to a play, ran a few errands together, we played games, we ate good food, we languished on the deck at sunset, we had our across the street neighbors over for an evening (we love them!).

We also did a little yard work.

Saturday morning we were planning to do some weeding.  Let me illustrate the differences between a 14-year-old and a 20-year-old.

Early in the morning Mark texted me this:

And Braeden texted me this:

I deputized Mark to go wake up his sister and we all joined Braeden outside weeding.

(A difference between me and my children is that I didn't text my mom on Saturday mornings about chores.)

Also, 20-year-olds?  They just do stuff around the house without you asking.  It's a weird but welcome change.

Apparently I'm the exterminator

Yesterday morning I saw a tarantula in the garage.

It's legs were moving vaguely and it seemed to be lying on its back.  Then it was still.  I took a picture to text to Emma.  (She hates spiders so of course that's what I did.)

I included my foot in the picture to provide scale.

She texted back, "Yeah, I saw that this morning when I left for work."

Was she tempted to move it?  Tell anyone?  Keep it from climbing into one of my shoes?  (My shoes live in the garage.)

I showed Braeden and he got a pained expression because it appeared dead.  (He will never not ever kill a bug.)

I showed Adam and he said, "Yeah, we need to get rid of that."

Then he got in his car and drove away.  He feels about spiders like Emma does.

I recognized that by we Adam meant me so I got a shovel.  I scooped up the little guy and carried it outside.  I didn't fling it on the hill which seems like the thing to do because I wanted to show Mark.  It's not every day of the week you get a tarantula around here.  I tilted the shovel into the dirt beyond the sidewalk.  The spider righted itself and then ran right at my feet.  Seriously. 

I was too surprised to do anything except beat a hasty retreat back into the garage.

I told Braeden and he said, "That's funny."

I said, "It wasn't funny.  It was coming at me.  Its teeth were bared."

"Teeth?" he asked skeptically.  Then he added, "Don't hurt it."

When Mark got home I said, "Guess what was in the garage today?"

He said, "The tarantula?  Yeah I saw it on my way to school this morning."

What it all comes down to is that I'm on my own when it comes to tarantulas.  If you hear a scream from the Pleasant Grove area, you'll know I slid my foot into my shoe and a tarantula was inside.

(I'm going to check my shoes from now on.)

Tiny notes

Dear To Do List:  You are making me hyperventilate.  Turns out adding to my already mostly busy life a son recently returned from his mission (and all the STUFF that entails) and two kids getting ready for college (and all the STUFF that entails) and the first days of school where all the teachers let you know the small random school supplies is a lot.

Dear BYU website and Alpine School District website:  You are terrible.  The end.

Dear Procrastinators:  Don't let people give you a bad rap.  If I were more like you, I'd be calmer.

Dear Adam:  Thank you for being something of a procrastinator and reminding me that it doesn't all have to be done right now. (Even though I want to do All the Things now.)

Dear Teachers:  I am not interested in your grading policy or attendance policy or really anything about your class.  I'm not in your class.  I don't want to read all this stuff.  I know.  I'm the worst.

Dear Braeden and Emma:  Thank you for recognizing all the signs of when I'm not waving, but drowning.  Thank you for saying, "Mom, how can I help?  What can I do?"  Thank you for being able to drive.

Dear YW leaders everywhere:  Dial back on the cutesy gifts.  I beg you.  Part of the multi column to do list around here has been wrangling useless crap as we go through Emma's closet.  A large portion of the pile are gifts from well meaning YW leaders.  Emma surveys something and says, "Yep, I think I've had that an obligatory amount of time."  And discards it.

Dear Braeden:  Thank you for declaring that you and Mark are going to take "An Incredible Journey" and for taking him to the store for the last (here's hoping) of the random trickle of needed school supplies.

Dear Life Transitions:  You are hard on me.  For the girl who orders the same thing at the restaurant everytime, change is the enemy.

Dear Blog readers:  Thank you for reading even when I'm cranky.

This is me in grade nine

When you ride your bike all summer and you are a quite grown up freshman who doesn't need his mother thankyouverymuch, you ride your bike to school.

Notice the rectangular phone shape in his pocket?  He used that to text me to come and pick him up after school.  That hill is steep and we all know it.

When you're the mother of the emancipated 9th grader, you follow him outside, under the guise of taking a picture, but mostly to make sure he really wears a helmet.

Sometimes this summer he "forgot."

We're back in the school saddle.  Back to "Do you have homework?"  Back to watching CNN 10 over breakfast.  It's familiar territory although Mark is something of a mystery.  Today he has cross training (which is a class he purposefully chose, didn't get into, convinced me to go to the school and get his schedule changed).  Here I thought PE classes were something to be endured, not sought out.  Last night at dinner, he said he was looking forward to cross training.  Who is this kid?!?

I'll have a chance to figure it out.  In a week, Mark will be the only kid around here.

I'm glad we like him so much.

Eclipsing

Yesterday we went to BYU to get Braeden's ID and pick up some books from the bookstore I had ordered for him.  Can I tell you how marvelous buying college textbooks is now compared to the 90s?  Way cheaper and way easier!

The eclipse was happening about the time we got there.

Mark scored us 5 pair of glasses at a rest stop in Idaho on Sunday.  After talking to a guy he walked away with 5 pair.  Mark for president!

Pretty awesome.

We started with Braeden's ID.  They asked for his Net ID and Braeden looked at me and I looked at him.  The nice girl behind the desk said she could look it up.

Next stop was the bookstore.  We needed to log into Braeden's account to get his books.  He has never logged into his account and I have logged in approximately 30,000 times this summer but that doesn't mean I remembered how.

"Let's call Emma," I said.  I didn't know why she would know his password, but she knows everything.  And sure enough, she knew Braeden's password.    It takes a village. 

Walking through the bookstore Total Eclipse of the Heart was playing over the speakers.

Braeden said, "I'm so ready to come to BYU."

And why wouldn't he be?  It's a great place.  I'm excited for both Emma and Braeden.  Except for that part about them moving there.

Catching up

For the sake of posterity, here's a quick update:

First, this.

We got our boy back!  Getting a missionary at the Salt Lake airport is a cultural experience all its own.  We were one of many families and the moms got to stand in front of the barricade that was keeping the rest of the masses in check.  An airport security guy came up to me and said, "Now Sister, we ask that you not run up the escalator when you see your missionary or block the escalator.  Let him come to you."

I was a very good girl and didn't cause any escalator mishaps.  I did cry though.  You'd think I'd have gotten it out of my system.  Ha.

Here he is with my parents.

Having Braeden back?  It's everything.  

The next morning we hit the road early early for a too short trip to Seattle--actually we didn't go to Seattle.  We skirted it and just went to Everett/Mill Creek. 

The drive was nice.  Four drivers make a difference. 

We thoroughly enjoyed spending time with our family.  I didn't take many pictures but lifted some off of Facebook for my own blogging purposes.  (Thanks Megan!)

These two look alike--less so when Emma's been in a car for 15 hours but you get the idea.

Grandma Geri knows how to take care of her boys:  chocolate milk for days. (Well, chocolate milk until the boys drank it all.)

These pictures make me laugh because they didn't coordinate on which picture they were going to smile and which they were going to be serious.

Mark, Braeden, Adam and Brian

It all just felt a little bit like paradise.

 

 

Megan, Mark, Emma, Braeden, Brian, Raelyn, Scott, Adam and Geri

 Kain dropped by later and Megan documented what happens when little boys become man-sized. 

The next day, most everyone went to the lake and I had a playdate with my friends.  It was wonderful.  I met Stephanie for lunch and then Janet joined us and then Stephanie had to leave and Janet and I spent the rest of the afternoon together.  Our family came over and we had a delicious (of course) dinner and Emma and Freja drew pictures and sang songs and the boys played games and Eric and Janet and Adam and I talked about all the things.  We stayed way too late and it also felt like paradise.

(Is the Pacific Northwest paradise?  Some members of my family would argue yes.)

I did not take good pictures but I did snap a few of lighting the candles for Freja and Hans (it was their birthday).

Saturday, our last day there, we went to Everett and played around a little on some of the pianos.

Braeden playing Praise to the Man, using the sheet music on LDS tools, on a Jimi Hendrix piano.  You know, like you do.

I took a picture of the boys on the lighthouse at Mukilteo.

Braeden called down, "Make sure you're above my chin."

It's what I always tell people when they take my picture.  (So I don't have a million chins in the picture.)

It's nice to have Braeden home.

From there to here

I'm not kidding when I say I felt like my heart had been ripped out.  It felt like nothing would ever be the same again.

It hasn't been.

Nothing-ever-the-same-again isn't all terrible though.  When he entered the scene on a snowy day in January 1997 he made it so things were never the same again.

Thankfully, happily nothing has been the same since then.

The time span of Braeden's mission has been a time of trial and testing for all of us in different ways--and some shared ways.  We've more or less held our ground and I'd like to think that we are emerging stronger and more committed to each other and to the Lord.

Never the same again.

Sunday a dear woman, one of many who took such good care of Braeden, texted me a whole raft of pictures.  She'd fed them dinner and invited our whole family to visit sometime.

Here are some of my favorites of the pictures she sent.

I never imagined that I would make friends that feel like family as a result of Braeden's mission.  Stella is certainly one of those people.  The Justesens are linked to us too.  They got up early this morning and gave Braeden a send off at the airport.

And then, because Rebecca is awesome like that, she sent me a picture:

I couldn't be more happy that he's coming home.

I couldn't be more grateful that he served a mission.

It may feel like your heart is being ripped out at the MTC, but believe the hype.  Missions are worth it.

Adventure time

We had another glorious weekend adventure.  It's been a good summer of discovering Utah beyond the Wasatch Front.  I like the Wasatch Front, but the rest of Utah is straight up amazing.

Friday we went to Boulder to stay with Tabor and Katie.  This adventure was better than most because Emma was there too.  The planets aligned and she didn't have to work.  Tabor and Katie fed us a delicious dinner and then we stayed up too late talking and slept in their luxurious guest accommodations and maybe we'll just move in.

Family is great.

That is all.

We had an amazing breakfast and stayed around the table chatting until almost lunchtime and then we headed out to Capitol Reef National Park.  Tabor told us about an alternate route to get there which included dirt roads and some intense switchbacks.  My vote was no.  I've been on some rough roads in that little Subaru and I don't love it.

Adam was convinced though and I'm not sorry.  It was an incredible road.

The scenery knocked our socks off (well it would have if I hadn't been wearing the same sandals I've worn on every adventure this summer and they are starting to show the peril).

The switchbacks stressed Emma out.

We tried to talk her down while we drove down down down and she almost lost it when she thought we were going to drive with Mark hanging halfway out the car.  (We weren't going to do that.)

Mark is irreplaceable.

It is monsoon season and there were thunderstorms in the area.  As we drove across a soft and sandy stretch of the road, there were a few areas where the road was washed out.  This is the kind of thing Adam looks for with the Subaru.  As he sped through one washed out section, the car slid sideways in an alarming way.  After we emerged victorious, Mark was impressed.  He said, "Dad, that was some sick drift."

Our original plan had been to hike in a slot canyon but the weather precluded that idea.

We stopped and had a snack/lunch of cheese and crackers purchased at the postage stamp sized store in Boulder.  Here I am, slicing cheese with a pocket knife.  It's about as outdoorsy as I get.

Mark and Emma engaged in feats of strength...

Emma cracked us up with her dramatic attempt to leap the fence.  Our children will do anything for a laugh and I almost always accommodate them.

I loved having Emma there.  We all did.  It's great to go on trips with Mark and then Emma makes it twice as good and then tomorrow (TOMORROW!!) we will have Braeden here and everything will be three times as good.

Emma wrote a poem, inspired by the desert?  I asked her to text it to me.  She told me that if I was going to put it on my blog, I needed to let you know "it's supposed to be read in a kinda almost stoner voice and there has to be a whole bunch of pauses for dramatic emphasis."  I wish I could translate her delivery for you.

Hi my name is Clarence and this is a poem that I wrote about heterocapitalism in America and the systematic oppression that I face every day.

A sea of cactus
In a desert of sand.
Raindrops fall.
Raindrops land.

Rain clouds go away.
Sun burns hot.
Some cactus thrive.
Some do not.

A weary traveler
Hungry and lost.
Been in the sand wastes.
Battered and tossed.

He finds no refuge
In the cactus sea
Because he's too different.
That traveler is me.

Thanks guys.

At some point I maybe did something to deserve these children.  I don't know what it was, but I'm glad I did it.   

Grateful Friday

They have added on a new fancy addition to the Missionary Training Center in Provo.  By the time I tried to get tickets for the tour they were all gone.  I was lamenting this sad tale to Olivia and she invited me to tag along with a stake YW trip they were taking.  They had reserved 40 tickets but wouldn't need them all.

So Adam and Mark and I joined up with them.  Clarissa too.  It just so happened that the timing worked for her to take a break from being an EFY counselor at BYU. (Is Provo the acronym capital of the world?  Are Mormons kings of all the acronyms?)

We were walking along the tour, minding our own business when everyone's favorite MTC resident just happened to be walking along!  3700 missionaries and we stumbled upon our own Desi!

Olivia, Clarissa, Desi, me--we all burst into tears.  Maybe Liberty did too and I just didn't notice?  It seems like our birthright, those tears.

There was much hugging and I-can't-believe-we-ran-into-you.

We took pictures.

The aunts:

Olivia and I simultaneously kissed Desi's cheeks after this picture was taken.  I am wearing heels and was on the uphill slope and I was taller than Olivia.  Ha!

The sisters:

Love. These. Girls.

Olivia and I texted Marianne and she didn't answer.  Had she thrown her phone in anguish because we got to see Desi and she didn't?  Was that why she wasn't answering?  Then Olivia remembered, sheepishly, that Marianne was out of phone service because she had gone to get the scouts from their hike, including Olivia's son Ruben.

Later, Adam said that he'd texted Robert a picture.  Oh yeah.  Good thing Adam was there to consider the dad in the equation....

It was my lucky day seeing all these women I adore.  Wonder of wonders.  Sometimes you just don't know what happiness awaits you.

Desi leaves Monday for Hong Kong.

I'm jealous of Hong Kong. 

Every. single. time.

I usually take my reusable shopping bags with me when I go to the store.  At Costco, they ask me, "Do you want to use these bags?"

I say, "No.  I just brought them because they were getting bored  hanging there on their hook in the mudroom.  You know, there's not much to look at in there.  So occasionally, I bring them to Costco, just for a change.  They like to look around, try a sample, marvel that Halloween costumes are already for sale.  It's really sort of an adventure for the bags.  I don't bring them to put my purchases in.  I mean, who does that?"

OK, maybe I don't say that.

I think it.

One of my favorites

Since we were in France during General Conference, I sadly didn't get to watch it all in one fell swoop over a weekend.  I missed it.

I've watched/listened to/read the talks since, but I always love the heavy concentration of watching them all at once.  It's like getting an IV of spiritual enlightenment.

Still, I love conference!  One story that I've thought of over and over has also felt relevant to me over and over.  It's from Elder Gary B. Sabin:

My father-in-law taught at BYU and loved BYU football but could not bring himself to watch their games because he was so nervous about the outcome. Then a wonderful thing happened—the VCR was invented, which made it possible for him to record the games. If BYU won, he would watch the recording with perfect confidence, absolutely certain of the ending! If they were penalized unfairly, injured, or behind late in the fourth quarter, he wasn’t stressed because he knew they would pull it out! You might say he had “a perfect brightness of hope”!

So it is with us. As we are faithful, we can have equal certainty that things will work out well for us in the end. The Lord’s promises are sure. This does not mean this mortal university will be easy or without many tears, but as Paul wrote, “Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.”

It reminds me of one of my favorite lines from Joseph and The Technicolor Dreamcoat:  We've read the book, and you come out on top.

I'm grateful for living prophets that inspire and lead and remind us of things we know.

"things will work out well for us in the end"

What more could we ask for?

BYU

Saturday I was in line behind a guy at the grocery store.  The checker was super chatty and enthusiastic, slamming groceries into bags with a whole lot of force.

She asked the guy for his Smith's card number.  He said, "Oh, I'm from out of state."

"Where are you from?" she asked.

He said, "Texas...well Las Vegas."  The two of them looked at each other with a little confusion and he tried again.  "I'm originally from Brazil."  Then he gestured to the tall kid across the way waiting for him.  "My wife and I are dropping our son off at BYU," he said.  As if that explained his inability to explain where he was from.

My immediate thought was, "Already?  People are already bringing their kids to BYU?"  I'm not ready for that!  There's a big difference between being happy your kids are accepted to BYU (I was!  Happy day!) to actually having them move out.  And then there's the cost.  Spoiler alert, but sending two kids to/getting them ready for college isn't cheap.

It's all kind of dizzying and disorienting and I can totally understand why my friend from Texas/Las Vegas/Brazil didn't know where he was from.  Solidarity buddy.  I get it.  Kids + college is disconcerting.

*****

Emma asked me the other day if I was excited for her to go to college.  I said, "I'm excited for you, but not for me."

She said, "There must be something that will be better about it.  Less work for you?"

"No," I said. "You don't cause that much work.  There's no upside for me."

"Do you want me to live with you forever?" she asked.

"No," I said.

"Then there's an upside."

Who am I to argue with Emma?

Books I read in July 2017

The Blue Castle by L. M. Montgomery ****

Someone at book club mentioned this book and I was pleasantly surprised that there was a book by her that I hadn't read.  This was a good book.  It's about a woman who has spent a lifetime cowed by her awful family and then she is told she only has a few months left to live to she shocks her family and does what she wants.

Left Neglected  by Lisa Genova***

This is by the same author of Still Alice.  Like it, there's a lot of neuroscience in the book.  A woman has an accident that leaves her with a brain injury where she can't see the left side of anything.  It was interesting.  I also loved the story.  It made me think and made me grateful for my life and the fact that I don't have a high falutin' career.

The Girl Who Came Home by Hazel Gaynor ***

I had a little bit of a hard time getting into it.  Since I knew some of the characters wouldn't survive the Titanic, I didn't know which characters I should care about and which I should keep my distance from since they weren't going to make it.  I ended up thinking it was interesting read though.

The Things We Knew by Catherine West ***

This was for book club.  I liked the book fine...it's an easy read about a family that is sort of in disrepair and they have a house in Nantucket.  What's not to like?  When I got to book club, everyone spent the first 15 minutes talking about how dumb and lacking in substance the book was.  Hmm.  What does that say about me?

Don't answer that.

Miss Hickory by Carolyn Sherwin Bailey*

This one is a Newbery winner so I started it.  Didn't finish it.  The book is short, but so is life.  What isn't short is the list of books that I want to read.  So this one didn't make the cut.  It won the Newbery in 1947 and makes you wonder what the competition was.  Was there competition?  Maybe this was the only book published that year.  It's about a cranky doll whose head is made out of a hickory nut.  I browsed ahead and looked at the pictures and it seems a squirrel eats her head later.  Weird.

Emma was sort of shocked when I told her I wasn't finishing it.  "I thought you were going to read every Newbery?!?" 

Emma clearly has more stick-to-itiveness than I do.

Secret of the Andes by Ann Nolan Clark **

This was another Newbery.  It was OK but I didn't love it.  It was about a boy living in the Andes and on sort of a quest to discover his Incan roots.  It was all very mystical and left me wondering what exactly were his roots and what was the secret. 

First Comes Love by Emily Giffen ***

The language was a little dicey.  I need to remember that because I always forget and then recommend a book to someone else....

Also, the ending wasn't as satisfying as I would have liked. I do mostly enjoy Emily Giffen books though.  The characters are interesting and multi-dimensional.  The book was about two sisters who didn't have a great relationship and there was the underlying tragedy of their brother who died young and how that changed everyone.