Take a minute

I have a complicated relationship with one of my students.  She is super cute and charismatic.  She is witty and bright.

She hardly ever does any school work.

She shuts down and refuses to look at me.  It's like her bones disappear and she just slumps.

Other times she is representing our class in the spelling bee.

Almost daily she  comes up to my desk and says, "Miss Davis! Miss Davis! Miss Davis!" and she tells me some big or small important happening in her life.  Her megawatt smile brightening the room.

She hides in the classroom and won't go to specialties.

She does what she wants and she exhausts me.

Her home life is even more complicated.  

She came in hours late for school two days in a row and I felt bugged by her parents.  I didn't know if it was her mom's week or her dad's week, but why couldn't they get it together and bring her to school on time?!?

In a quiet moment when she was at my desk and I was trying to get her to do some school work, any school work, I said, "Hey, why have you been so late for school?"

She looked up at me and said in a small voice, "I was at a funeral yesterday."

"Oh no!" I said, "I'm so sorry."

She smiled a sad smile that didn't reach her eyes.

"Whose funeral was it?"

"My uncle's."

Oh sweet girl.  

Then she added in an even smaller voice.  "And today was just a rough morning."

It was reminder number 12,000 that I need to give people the benefit of the doubt.  I need to take a minute and seek understanding.  Or just assume good will.

She is ALWAYS in trouble in library.  She crawls away and hides under a table when the librarian is reading to them.  She won't sit where the librarian wants her to sit and is obstinate just because.  Every week.  

Pam, the librarian (who has an enormous and loving heart) said to me, "I can't understand her.  It's like she just has to be in control."

I said, because it had honestly just occurred to me, "Her home life is pretty chaotic.  Maybe she just wants to feel in control of something."

Pam squeezed my arm.  "I'm sure that's right.  Poor girl."

Then Pam walked over to my student and showed her a book and spoke kindly to her and they were both grinning.

It just took a minute of understanding.

I can always be a little kinder and hopefully writing this will help me remember that.