Visiting teaching

Mormon women are assigned a few other women and are supposed to be their "visiting teachers."  The idea is to visit them at least once a month and get to know them and share a message with them.  It's a way we can take care of each other.

There have been times when I've been ambivalent about visiting teaching.  Sometimes the women that visited me brought destructive children or were inflexible about when they could come and I had to bend uncomfortably to accommodate them.  Sometimes visiting the women I've been assigned has been a hassle.  They may be flaky about keeping appointments or really don't want to make time for me to come.  It's not a perfect system; we're certainly not perfect women but mostly we are trying to get it right.

Maybe because I don't really have many friends here, visiting teaching has kind of risen in significance for me.

Sue, who happens to be Mrs. Shelton, Emma's English teacher, comes to visit me.  I instantly feel a kinship to English teachers because we like a lot of the same things.  Sue is also one of Emma's favorite teachers.  Even better, she challenges Emma.  Emma wrote a paper and her teacher read it and said it wasn't good enough.  (Sue confided she thought she'd lost a friend in Emma when she did that.)  Emma tried again though.  She rewrote the paper.  In the words of her English teacher, it was a "fantastic paper".  I love that she had the skills to get more out of Emma.  When someone blesses my children's lives, they're catapulted to my list of favorites.  When she comes to visit me, Sue and I talk about real and interesting things.  I like her.

I have a partner I was assigned to named Terri.  She is the most calming person I know.  She raised five children--pretty much on her own, is on her second marriage, and just seems unflappable.  She has a ready smile and a easy and gentle manner that puts me at ease. 

We have been assigned three women to visit.  One of them is a little quirky.  She has strong contradictory opinions.  When we left her house, I wondered why I felt so good.  I had been having a bad day and I felt positively restored.  I realized it was because she was very interested in me.  She asked me sincere questions and made me feel like I mattered.  Just who is taking care of who in this arrangement?

We also visit a young mother.  She has a two month old baby.  The young mother told us about the days the baby was in the NICU and the first days home that were awful.  We got it.  We remember those days that were sort of torture and you would have given all your possessions for a solid night's sleep.  We've made it to the other side and hopefully that is a comfort to the young mother.  We complimented her on her well cared for and alert baby.  "You obviously talk to him a lot," Terri said.

The young mother looked apologetic, "Yeah, I'm the only one here all day with him and I have to talk to someone."

We told her it was exactly what she should be doing.  I told her the baby would be smarter because of her time spent talking to him.  She smiled down at her son and held him close.

As we were leaving, Terri said, "You are doing a great job.  He is wonderful and you did that!"

The younger woman looked taken aback, then a big smile spread on her exhausted face.  "Thank you!" she said.

We also visit another woman.  She is a harried and worn mother too.  But on the other end of things.  Most of her children are raised and she has a few teenagers left in the nest.  She works full time at a very demanding job and she is tired.  We visited her Sunday after I had spoken in church about gratitude.  We talked about it and she told me that it reminded her of a journal she'd found recently.  In 2008, her family had been in a terrible car accident and she'd written about it.  To my surprise, she went and got the journal.  She handed it to me.  "I want you to read it," she said, "Then give it to Terri to read."

I was sort of stunned.  I don't know this lady very well, I've only visited her a couple of times.  I said OK though.

Yesterday I picked up the journal and couldn't put it down.  I was riveted.  She warned ahead of time that she wasn't much of a writer but she is.  In reading about the accident and their recovery, I learned an incredible amount.  I learned about how she feels about her family.  Her love and concern for them were palpable.  I learned about her deep faith; her conviction of knowing what mattered and that God loved her and her family.  I learned about her gratitude.  She outlined again and again all the myriad ways people were helping them and all of the little miracles that sustained them. 

My point in telling you all of this is that I have a new understanding.  We need each other.  We need people to lift our children and provide interesting ideas.  We need people to assure us and make us feel like we matter.  We need people who have been where we've been and can tell us it's going to be all right.  We need people to share their stories.  If everyone shared their stories, I can't imagine what new levels of compassion we could reach.  If we knew each other more, we couldn't help but love each other better.

So I'm glad I have a chance to be involved with visiting teaching.