Monday, April 27, 2015

When something finally clicked

This has been a big weekend.  We've had fun with our guests--Geri and Megan.  We watched the final performances of the play.  We watched Braeden's LAST high school drama performance. (sniff, sob, sigh)  We had a bunch of Adam's family that live in Utah over.  We've been meaning to invite them ever since we moved here and it finally happened.  I'm always amazed when I get together with Adam's cousins.  They are abnormally nice to me.  Of all my fifty cousins, I can think of only two of them that would be that happy to see me.  Adam's cousins throw their arms around me and compliment me and are interested in me and I think it must be because they like who I married.  Whatever the reason, they are very kind and seeing them is always enjoyable.

All these were good things.

The biggest thing happened inside of me.  It was a seismic shift that is imperceptible to everyone except me (although Adam said it seemed a weight had been lifted off me).  It's a secret to exactly no one that I've had a hard time with my new Young Women president gig.  It's challenged me and shaken the foundations of my confidence.

As an aside, it's ridiculous that I don't have more self-confidence.  I'm a Dahl.  That's supposed to be my birthright.  Did my tall siblings steal the height as well as the self-confidence?  Maybe the two are connected?  We recently had a returned missionary speak in church.  He served in the Ukraine and described how he was beat up.  Twice.  I leaned over and told Braeden if someone beat him up on his mission, I would be on the next plane to be the mother bear.  Braeden--blessed with both the height and self-confidence--scoffed and said, "Who would be big enough to beat me up?"  When I told Ammon the story, he looked at Braeden and said, "You make a good Dahl."

So see?  I should have more of that!

Anyway, I've been struggling.  Everyone from my parents to Adam to my sisters to my children have tried to encourage me.  And they've helped me.  They've made me feel loved and valued.

Saturday morning, I talked on the phone with my new friend Sue, who is the Girls' Camp leader.  She has all the calm self assurance that I lack and she was very frank with me.  She pretty much gave me a talking to.  She believes in me.  And something has changed.  I feel different.  I feel OK.  I feel like I can do this.

I explained it all to Adam like it was revolutionary.  He said, "That's what I've been telling you all along."

It's true.  He has.

I'm glad I finally listened. And I'm glad he's patient enough to stick around until I start listening.

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