Thursday, May 4, 2017


The other day I told Braeden I was impressed with the way he was meeting everything with equanimity.

He said, "What does that mean?"

"You're calm," I said.  "You're taking it in stride."

"Well, I don't feel all that calm on the inside, I'm kind of freaking out."

I told him that if he wasn't kind of freaking out, there wouldn't be any need for equanimity.  The freaking out makes the equanimity all the more impressive.

It's like the John Wayne quote:  courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway.

Throughout the crazy turn of events where Braeden had surgery, was sent home from his mission, went back to his mission, was told he needed surgery again, was sent home again, was told he would be released early from his mission, was told maybe he didn't need surgery, was told he definitely didn't need surgery, was told he was after all returning to his mission, Braeden has just rolled with it.  We've had a few conversations including trying to wrap our minds around the surreal happenings.  He's confided some disquiet about it all.  Mostly though, equanimity.

At one point Braeden told me that he had already decided a while ago that he would always try to do whatever his priesthood leaders wanted him to do.

He's probably better than I deserve.

He flew out early this morning for Virginia.  Emma graduates three weeks from today.  Adam said, "I would be happy if our kids would just be 17 forever."

I said, "I'd even settle for 18."

Just stay at the age where you are home with us.  Is that too much to ask?

Watching your fledglings leave the nest is not for the faint of heart.

Like it or not, they're on the move.

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