Sure foundation

I shouldn't even be a little bit surprised, but this has not been easy.

On the heels of a really hard summer which was taxing in a myriad of ways, I jumped with both feet into a brand new daunting task.

Because I really, really wanted to.

I don't regret my decision for a minute.  I love teaching 3rd grade and it is what I had been working toward for years.

That doesn't mean it has been easy.

It's super hard to balance my time between home/family and work.

Also, I have a steep learning curve.  I'm used to being fairly competent in my life.  I've become accustomed to doing what I want to do/am good at doing and feeling in control of my life.  I've been adulting and homemaking for a long time.

Now, I'm trying to learn a new language that is all in acronyms.  I'm trying to navigate Google Drive effectively because that is where my entire life is housed it seems.  I'm wrapping my mind around systems and schedules I didn't create which has not been my custom.  I'm feeling like a failure at a million little things.

Coupled with all of that, I haven't done enough other things like family history lately (which also isn't my custom and my dear friend Marie Louise is just patiently waiting for me).  There are a million little ways I feel like a failure around my personal life too.

This all culminated in me having a come-apart in a parking garage Saturday evening.  Adam and I sat in the parked car and talked (and I cried).  I told him all the ways I was failing and he said, "Stop."

He told me I was trying my best and to leave that at the alter.  I HAVE been trying my best.  I truly have.  There have not been many moments of downtime as I have taken this huge step.  I've been working and working (and working).

The conversation reminded me of this from Elder Bednar:

Most of us clearly understand that the Atonement is for sinners. I am not so sure, however, that we know and understand that the Atonement is also for saints—for good men and women who are obedient and worthy and conscientious and who are striving to become better and serve more faithfully. I frankly do not think many of us “get it” concerning this enabling and strengthening aspect of the Atonement, and I wonder if we mistakenly believe we must make the journey from good to better and become a saint all by ourselves through sheer grit, willpower, and discipline, and with our obviously limited capacities.

I have been applying sheer grit, willpower, and discipline and I obviously have limited capacities.

I am grateful for the strengthening aspect of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

A while ago Tabor and I were texting about the rigors of our lives.  He wrote me this:

I think that is true. I don’t think there is a normal. As much as I would like that, it is not there. Christ is the only constant and so I need to get closer to Him to feel consistency.

So there isn't a normal.  There will be growing pains and striving unless we decide to stand still. There isn't a surefire way to find balance in life but there is a rock to stand on that will keep us strong and equal to the task at hand.

Remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds … it shall have no power over you … because of the rock upon which ye are built.

Helaman 5:12