Here we are

 I don't want to listen to my body.

I don't want to conserve energy so I don't overdo.

Basically, I don't want my current reality.

Yet, here we are.

I went to school yesterday for a whopping 3 hours and then I was completely spent.  I had pushed too hard the day before.  I went home in defeat and texted Adam that I was taking to the bed.  I did nothing all afternoon and then went to my hair appointment.  It was a frustrating day.

I do feel better this morning.  I slept pretty well and I am hoping for better things.

You know the story about the man in the flood who is praying for help.  Boats and a helicopter come and he says, "No, God will save me."

Then he dies and in heaven, he asks God, "Why didn't you save me?!?"

God points out that he sent boats and a helicopter.

Mark is my boats and a helicopter.  I could not do this without him.  He is cheerful (as long as you let him listen to music) and works hard and is very capable.  He built my new IKEA shelf without even using the instructions.  He climbed on a ladder (that he carried into the school) to reach the high stuff and put the desks in place and is just altogether awesome.  I am very grateful for him.

It will come together and I will learn (and accept!) what I can expect of my post chemo/ current immunotherapy body.  And I will have boats and a helicopter all along the way.