Giving me pause

Yesterday I read this article in the BYU Magazine.  (I love the BYU Magazine.)  The article is by Elder Larry Y. Wilson and these words have been in my brain all day:

Each of us faces a choice. We can choose to see ourselves as the Lord’s servants and humbly seek to know what He wants us to do with the talents and time He has given us. As such, we can seek to enlarge His kingdom and prepare it for His return. Or we may imagine that the story is all about us. Too many fall into this trap. They forget that they are His servants and begin to imagine that He is theirs. They think erroneously that Christ came to make all their dreams come true. For those in such a trap, prayer becomes like dropping memos on a desk in a heavenly office: “Could you please take care of this as soon as possible?”

I want to make good use of my choice.

Also, I've been overwhelmed with goodness.  People have been incredibly kind to me and to Braeden.  So many people have reached out with concern.  So many angels on earth have ministered to Braeden and served me in the process.

Sometimes the world feels dark and lonely.  I feel overwhelmed or sad or misunderstood.

Sometimes like the past few days, the world feels like a place that is full of light and goodness.  Everywhere I turn there seems to be kindness and compassion.

It's the same world.  The difference is which parts of it I'm choosing to focus on.

Tender mercies

But behold, I, Nephi, will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance

1 Nephi 1:20  

There are almost too many to name.  I have felt an outpouring of love.  I have felt like people have been placed in my path to take care of my boy who is far away.  I think having Stella there, navigating and orchestrating his care, is more effective than I could be.  I will never in a million years be able to thank/repay/express what it meant to me that Rebecca was there with him overnight.  It soothed my soul.

Olivia told me that two of her kids had decided to fast for Braeden on Sunday.  Lili said, "I just felt like I should."

The world is so full of a number of things, I'm sure we should all be as happy as kings.

Robert Louis Stevenson 

A tale of two mothers

Do you ever have one of those days where everything is turned on its head and at the end of it all you can do is shake your head and think, what happened?!?

Yesterday was one of those days.

When Braeden started emailing, he told us about a health problem he was having.  As I asked more questions it seemed like it was more than what the mission nurse was thinking it was.  I emailed him that I thought he should go to the doctor.

He (wisely) suggested I talk to the mission nurse myself.  (My children know enough to sic me on people they can't make progress with.)  I had also talked with the lady who lived at the house from which Braeden was emailing me.  She described his symptoms and I wanted him to go to the doctor.

I called the mission nurse and there were two mothers.  The warlike Mama Bear and the mother who was trying to be calm and remember Adam's counsel that what mattered were the results.  I tried to make her my ally.  She said she'd talked to him the previous day and he was fine.  I insisted he was not fine.  She finally relented to call him.

Within minutes she called me back and said, "He's on his way to urgent care."

OK then.

A while later, President Weed, the mission president, called Adam to let him know that he was on the way to the hospital.

And that was about all we knew.

I wondered why President Weed had called Adam rather than me but then I realized it was probably because Adam promptly forgot the name of the hospital and if he'd call the mother, she would have not only remembered the name but she would have shown up at the hospital....

Braeden had managed to send out an email earlier for his group email list.  In it he mentioned he was sick.  I got an immediate reply from his aunt Whitney in Atlanta.  She said she was 10 hours away if I needed her.  Rebecca texted.  What did I need?  Stella called.  What was the situation?

And that was pretty much how the day went.  The original lady I'd spoken with, Sister Hunter, called me several times.  She told me how much she loves Braeden.  "He brought the light back into my life," she said.

When your son is basically the embodiment of sunlight, people love him.  I can't take any credit for any of it because he came that way.

He was admitted to the hospital and slated for surgery to take care of an abscess and he's on major doses of antibiotics for cellulitis.

And then there were the two mothers again.  There was the mother and then there was the missionary mother.  The mother wondered how long it would take me to be on a plane Virginia bound.  The missionary mother was trying to leave the situation in the capable hands of the mission president and let my boy be a missionary.

Rebecca was with him.  She went and bought him comfy clothes.  She kept me updated.  I'll never be able to repay her kindness.

It was opening night of Emma's show!  There were two mothers again--the one whose heart was in a hospital in Virginia and then the other one, whose heart was on a stage in a high school musical.  Adam told me to turn off my phone and enjoy the show.

And I did!  (I checked messages during the intermission.)

The show was great.  Emma was great.  I loved it.  They are talented kids and they worked hard.  I didn't take many pictures but I will go three more times and I'm sure I'll be less distracted.

Here's a picture after the show of Emma with one of the girls in our ward.

Adam snapped a few pictures at the curtain call:

Desi came to watch the show too (Clarissa wanted to, but had to work).  Afterward we went to The Purple Turtle for milkshakes.  I spent most of the time on the phone with Rebecca--and then Braeden!  His mission rules are relaxed while he's in the hospital so I can talk to him.

Silver lining!

After the phone call I tried to turn my focus back to Emma.  The Swensons came in and sat at the table next to us and we exchanged congratulations because Fiona was Martha and rocked a Yorkshire accent and Anne Swenson, her mother, told Emma that no one can do red lipstick like she can.

It's pretty much true.

Sometime later we learned that the surgery would be early the next morning and Rebecca was staying at the hospital with Braeden overnight.  She will be forever immortalized in our family.  She is amazing.  That is all.

She sent me a picture of him when he was finally asleep and he was wearing his white shirt and name tag.   I commented on it and she sent me this picture:

He wanted the nurses to call him Elder Davis.  Because that is who he wants to be right now.

I had a sleepless night.  I dozed a little but mostly had a clenched stomach and racing thoughts.

At 4:20 by phone rang and it was Braeden!  He was on his way to surgery and called to check in.  After that I had a steady stream of texts and updates from Rebecca.  A little after 6:00 I got the message he was out of surgery and all had gone well.

This morning I've spoken with him and he seems to be on the mend.  Besides the mission nurse, Rebecca is there with him and Stella is on her way to his side.

I guess what it comes down to is that there are more than just two mothers.

I couldn't be more grateful.

Almost perfect day

Saturday we didn't have any extraneous commitments.  When does that happen?!?  For us, not lately.  I spent most of the morning getting prepared for Sunday.  (I had a dream that I'd forgotten to go to ward council.  Nothing like a dream like that to make you get prepared.  Also I was teaching the YW lesson on Sunday.)

Once everyone was awake and ready to face the day, we loaded into the Subaru and headed out on an adventure.  Our first stop was Adam's office where he needed to drop some things off.  There was shock and surprise at the Spartan nature of his desk.  All around him people had computer monitors and headphones and plants and family pictures and at the very least a water bottle.  Adam's desk had a notebook on it.  That's all.  He carries his laptop with him.  He said his work is chaotic enough and he wants a clean desk.  Emma and Mark tried to get him to change his mind.

I told them that if I died, and it was left up to Adam, that's what our house would look like.

Mark, in an effort to defend his dad, said, "Well if Dad died and it was left up to you..."

Emma interrupted him, "It is left up to her.  Who do you think is in charge?"

Exactly.

We went to Blaze Pizza for lunch which is the closest approximation to Mod Pizza we can find.  I mixed some Key lime mint agua fresca with my Diet Coke and it was a taste sensation.

Our next stop was Fashion Place Mall.  It makes me happy to go to the same malls I went to when I was growing up.  Sometimes I feel like I'm back in my hometown.  At the Sephora store, I got the perfume I'd settled on.  Adam gave me a sampler for Christmas.  There were 14 different perfumes to try and then when I made my final choice, I could go pick it up.  For the record, I went with Marc Jacobs Decadence.  It had the ugliest bottle but I really like the perfume.

In a rare turn of events (really, this has NEVER happened), Emma asked a store employee a question.  (About highlighter.)  Then she asked a FOLLOW UP question.  (About a brush.)  This may not seem ground breaking to you, but I've shopped with that girl for nearly 18 years and she mostly stands behind me.  She can never be accused of making idle chatter.  She was concerned that the highlighter + brush were more than I wanted to spend on her birthday present but I was so stunned by her asking not one but two questions of the store employee, I bought them both.

I told her I was proud of her.  She looked disdainful.  "Why wouldn't I ask a question?"

I don't know.

I'm telling you, if you ever want to describe one of my children, do it in pencil.

We had to stop at the Lego store and the Apple store.  You just do when you are with these people.  Then, we went to visit my grandma, which was the point of the whole excursion after all.  It's always a delight to see my grandma.  We chat and she makes me feel loved and she offers ice cream and tells us to eat more candy.  She gave me a beautiful new skirt and she asked Adam if he could figure out how to make her iPad louder (for when she watches BYU games that aren't on TV).  Adam saw his opportunity to procure a gadget.  He went to the store to buy her a portable speaker.  I told her it would be an early birthday present but she insisted on paying Adam for it.

Of course she did.

How I love my grandma.  I always leave her house with a lighter step.

On the way home, we stopped at the store.  We needed more salt for our water softener.  Mark and Emma remembered that they wanted to make us dinner.  We filled the cart and...failed to get any salt.

On the way home we sang and listened to music.  A few times I heard Emma and Mark harmonizing in the back seat and I wished Braeden were there too.

Emma's birthday had been on the mind.  When we were almost home, Mark said, "I was just thinking, for my birthday, I'd be happy if it were just us four.  Then I remembered by the time it's my birthday, it will be US FIVE again."

When that happens, it will no longer be almost.  It will be a perfect day.

What's saving my life right now

On The Lazy Genius Collective blog, I read a post What Is Saving My Life Right Now.  I decided to write my own list.

Prayer

On days when I'm confused or struggling to be happy or feel inadequate to the task at hand, prayer is where I turn.  It helps.

Adam

Adam saves me in a million big and small ways.  He entertains me and gives me pep talks and acts enthusiastic about whatever I have planned...even if it's a trip to Costco.  (I try to go to Costco in the evening when All the People are home.  I try to get my family excited about going with me.)

Braeden

Just thinking about him makes me happy.  Knowing he is in the world and he's mine and he will be home in a little over 6 months (maybe?  we don't know yet for sure) makes me excited.  I want to hear him laugh and feed him and bask in his wit and affection.  And I will be able to soon!

Emma

Emma is like that cool friend you are grateful to when she makes a little time for you.  I love when we do stuff together.  I love when she comes into our room at night when she gets home from work.  I love hearing about the things that are making her happy.

Mark

Mark showed me this video the other day.   I don't know how many times I've watched the first 15 seconds of it.  If possible, Mark does an even funnier version.  Having a fourteen year old means being introduced to silliness and I like it.

houseplants

I love plants.  I love the cheer they add.  I love taking care of them and troubleshooting their needs.  They make me feel accomplished--except for the one that is sick.  It makes me feel sad.

the occasional day when I don't have to go anywhere

Especially in the mornings, I love when I can stay home.  I think I would make a really successful hermit. 

Teenagers

Having teenagers means a constant parade of unpredictable happenings.  It's sort of fun.  Emma posted on Facebook recently that her "bustle is bigger than her aspirations":

It's a formidable dress.  She has a cloth to represent cholera for part of the show and she discovered she can just stow it behind her bustle.

I'm excited for Secret Garden.  It's next week and I'm proud of my girl.  She auditioned for and didn't get cast in every musical up until now.  She is a lesson in perseverance and grit.  I am (sadly) missing a concert of Clarissa's so I can go to every possible performance of Emma's show.  Emma thinks I'm crazy.  "Just go to the concert."

I think when she's a mother and her daughter is a senior in her first and last high school musical, she'll probably understand.

*****

Emma, phone dropper extraordinaire, finally put her battered and cracked phone aside and inherited Adam's old phone.  After careful research she bought a sturdy case and a screen protector.  So far so good.

Mark brought home a cracked screen protector he'd procured from one of his friends.  His aim was to trick Emma into thinking her screen was cracked.  He had to wait a few days for the trick because Girl is never really separated from her phone.  When we had our girl party here the other night, Emma and Clarissa were singing at the piano and Emma's phone was left on the table.  With a gleam in his eye, Mark saw his chance.  I asked Emma to get her phone and she freaked out.  "What happened?" she sort of shrieked.  "I did NOT do this!"  She stared in horror at her phone.

"What?" I asked. "Show me."

She showed me her apparently cracked phone screen and she kept saying, "How did this happen?!?"

Mark nonchalantly walked over and said, "Here, let me see."  He inspected the screen and then peeled off the cracked screen protector.

Emma fell to the floor in relief.  She just lay there for awhile.

*****

In further proof that he didn't get it from me, Mark's favorite parts of each day are dodge ball and P.E.  Who is that kid?  (He also loves history and that makes him feel a little less alien.)  Yesterday he told me about Kaden who was the self proclaimed best basketball player in 8th grade.  Then Ty moved here from Pennsylvania.  Yesterday Ty challenged Kaden to a game of one on one and beat him soundly.  Then they played basketball in P.E. and Kaden picked Mark first for his team.

I told Mark I was always picked last in P.E. and Mark looked at me with a shocked expression.  He didn't know what to think about me and I didn't know what to think about him.

*****

Maybe a year and a half ago?  Emma and her friend Adri were extras in the filming of a movie.  It's set in the nineties and Emma wore one of Adam's shirts (that he wore in the 90s).  She pulled it out of Braeden's closet because he had been wearing it.  It's kind of the shirt that keeps on giving.

Here are Emma and Adri, in the trailer!

I love those cute 90s girls.

*****

Mark and Emma frequently try on political stances for size.  We discuss.  Sometimes they get mad when we challenge them.  Sometimes they nod in recognition when we speak something that resonates with them.  Sometimes they convince me of their idea.

*****

Mark is the perfect antidote for discouragement.  I was feeling a bit downcast.  It's just been so busy and is not letting up and I like margins.  Mark knows I'm downcast without me telling him and he texted his dad about ways to cheer me up.  Really all I needed was time with my two guys.  (Emma was at work.)

*****

Emma bought fake eyelashes (on a Walmart trip excursion with Adri).  Mark wants to take cross training as an elective next year.  (seriously)

You just never know what will happen next.

Books I read in January 2017

When Crickets Cry by Charles Martin **

This book was OK.  We read it for book club.  I mostly liked it but it had the feel of a Hallmark movie (not my favorite).  There was A LOT of information in it about heart surgery and rowing which some people in my book club enjoyed and I skimmed because that's how I live my life.  If it's any indication of how far fetched things were, many in my book club were really hoping one of the characters would die.  Just for a little realism.

 
A Man Called Ove by Frederik Backman*****

I LOVED this one.  One of the best books I've read in a while.  It's about a curmudgeonly man who keeps trying to kill himself but keeps getting interrupted by his pesky neighbors who need his help.  I absolutely loved the guy by the end of the book.

The One and Only Ivan by Katherine Applegate ****

In my quest to read Newbery books, I read this.  I liked it.  There was a Stella in it and also a Thelma (elephant and bird respectively).  It was a beautiful book and tugged at your humane to animal heart strings without being preachy.  I liked the characters and the style of writing.

Flora and Ulysses by Kate DiCamillo ****

Another Newbery and another book I liked.  It's about a sort of unhappy girl (she calls herself a cynic) who has unhappy divorced parents.  She befriends (begrudgingly) her neighbor's great-nephew who is also really unhappy.  Then Ulysses happens who is a superhero squirrel and everything rights itself as a result.  Nothing is automatically cured (it's not a Hallmark movie) but everyone reaches a measure of peace in their difficult circumstances.  It was a smart book.

The Book of Three by Lloyd Alexander **

Meh.  Book 2 in this series is a Newbery honor book so I felt compelled to read this one first.  I don't love fantasy books and this one gave me whiplash with it's constant jump from one big adventure to the next.  An upside of the book was that I had a window into Braeden's world as a grade school kid.  He read this book and he used a lot of the phrases in his normal life.  There was a lot of, So that's where he got that!  Much like Gurgi in the book, Braeden was on a constant hunt for "crunchings and munchings."