We are back at swimming. One of the coaches emailed me and told me our new time was on Tuesday and Thursday. Before our two month hiatus we had been going Monday, Wednesday and Friday and two days are better than three so I was happy.
On Tuesday I sent Braeden and Emma on their swimsuit clad way and hunkered down to corral Mark's exuberance poolside for the next 45 minutes. Or try to.
Braeden and Emma came shuffling back over to me. "The coach said we're not in this class."
???
I went to the coach and said, "Braeden and Emma aren't in this class?"
He said, "No, they used to be in the Monday, Wednesday, Friday class."
I told him about the email.
He said, "Well, they're not in this class. It's below their level."
Sure enough, all the kids were waist high to them.
I said, "So what should we do?"
He said, "They can swim today but bring them back tomorrow for the right class."
I said, "OK."
And that was the conversation.
But as I was telling Adam later, the coach looked really uncomfortable the whole time I talked to him. He kept shifting his eyes away from me and then looking at his feet and shuffling from side to side.
I couldn't figure it out. He's not a big muscular intimidating guy, but then, neither am I. For one thing, I know he could out swim me if I was too scary.
Adam said, "Maybe he's used to parents that are angry coming to talk to him."
I said, "I wasn't angry. I was just trying to figure it out."
Adam said, "Well, you don't look very comfortable when you talk to people and I think that makes them feel uncomfortable."
"I make people uncomfortable when I talk to them?"
"Sometimes."
Now I love and adore Adam but that wasn't the most supportive thing he's ever said to me.
It's true that unlike most of the people I'm related to, I don't enjoy small talk with strangers. At all. While I've been known to talk the ears off my nearest and dearest, I have also been known to studiously avoid talking to people if I can help it.
But still. I make people uncomfortable?
I've been defending myself (in my own head) and I remembered the people that used to stop me in the store and ask me what I was feeding my robust bald headed babies. That seems approachable right?
And then I remembered all the other people that stop me in the store...like the guy who wondered what kind of onions to buy if he was making lasagna for his girlfriend and the grandmother in Costco who begged me to tell her a healthy cereal that her grandchildren would eat.
I'm all kinds of friendly, right?
But now I'm worried. Am I making people uncomfortable? By talking to them? Should I be more smiley? Chatty? Somehow that seems like it would be more frightening.
So this is where you leave me a comment:
"Dear Thelma: You have never made ME feel uncomfortable...by just talking to me."
You can cut and paste that if you want.
10 comments:
Remember that conversation we had about how I'm unapproachable? Remember how you could give me examples of how approachable you are? Remember that everyone I have ever met thought I was stuck up before they got to know me? Remember how you have never experienced that? Yeah, I wouldn't worry about it too much. You don't make people feel uncomfortable. At least not me.
Dear Thelma,
I'm not copying and pasting. I mean it sincerely. I have never felt uncomfortable or witnessed anyone else feeling uncomfortable talking to you. I met you after I met everyone else in your family so I was really nervous about it all. I met you at Jenny's wedding in Idaho (the first of many events Enoch and I were really late to) and I still remember the huge relief realizing I didn't need to be nervous after all. You were and are wonderful to talk to.
I think the coach knew he messed up and was not able to admit it or apologize. Two common struggles with men folk sometimes.
"Dear Thelma: You have never made ME feel uncomfortable...by just talking to me."
REALLY. :)You are too funny.
Now wait a second! Tell the rest of the story. The part that comes AFTER "sometimes". The part where I explain that the sometimes are when you confront people or question things. I didn't say anything about you being unapproachable. I should know. I've approached you a time or two.
"Dear Thelma: You have never made ME feel uncomfortable...by just talking to me."
I really mean it.
Dear Thelma,I'm glad you don't have anything bigger to worry about.
I think it was the coach. He's the moron who sent the wrong email...maybe that was harsh. I take that part back. And being approchable isn't all it's cracked up to be. I'm sure you never had someone rub your belly when you were pregnant..for luck.
AND think of your poor dear brother always being asked if he's in a play, like there are that many plays where you need a handlebar mustache.
"Dear Thelma: You have never made ME feel uncomfortable...by just talking to me." (Really)
I also have a complex. A struggling sister in Zion came to our home and asked the bishop and his wife for advice on if she should continue living in Wells and commute to Reno for her 40 hr/week residency. I said no. I said that would be expensive and hard. Robert acted like maybe it would be all right. When she left I asked him what he was thinking. He said that she wasn't looking for advice on that but she wanted to feel valued and I made her feel like we wanted her to move.
Really???!!?
So now I have a complex too. These husbands, who needs them?
I guess we do. By the way, you've never made me feel the least bit uncomfortable except for when you wanted to pop my zits when I was a teenager or when you asked Cor to please do something about my fingernails. You haven't done either of those things for at least a decade.
I've never been comfortable talking to you. Don't ask me to explain why.
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