...my mom warned me repeatedly not to surrender my choices and options, not to settle for being a stay-at-home mom if that was not what I truly wanted. I am deeply grateful to her for instilling the value of independence. By the age of 12 I realized that a woman who is dependent on a man to provide for her has no freedom and no choices in life.This was startling to me.
I look around at my life and besides my children's eternally messy bedrooms, my life is going along swimmingly. Every dream I had for myself as a young girl has more or less come true. I have an incredible amount of freedom and oodles of choices in life.
And I am a woman who is dependent on a man to provide for me.
I am completely grateful for my life. I can't imagine a better situation for myself. I wonder if Delilah and her mother are unfamiliar with the men I know. All around me, good men--Adam, my brothers and brothers-in-law, my dad, my friends' husbands-- are providing for their wives and by doing so, giving those women freedom and choices. (Adam's dad was the same...so were my grandfathers.)
Adam depends on me too though. He ultimately foots the bill by bringing home a paycheck, but I mostly do the shopping and planning and preparing of the food. He can depend on me for clean clothes, fragrant towels and fresh sheets on the bed. I can depend on him for continued use of the credit card. He depends on me to remember important dates and keep everyone's schedules straight. I depend on him to be able to put gas in the car and to deal with something when it is in need of repair.
It's really so much more than that though. We depend on each other to take care of our dreams. We depend on each other for advice and comfort. I can always count on Adam to make things more fun and he can always count on me to laugh at his jokes.
Someday, if I become a school teacher again with a paycheck, I will still depend on Adam. Every day.
I recognize not everyone has--or even wants--what I have. I just feel bad when men in general are given a bad rap as domineering and tyrannical.
I am in favor of marriage. I am in favor of commitment.
I am in favor of dependence. I think it's kind of the point.
5 comments:
Your blog is making me jealous again, not just about the pictures. I want someone else to gas my car!
Maybe it's the hormones because I'm still nursing, but I got all teary eyed reading this. I love what you said about the freedom Adam gives you because he brings home the paycheck. I couldn't agree more. I feel like I'm the luckiest woman in the world because I have a man who is willing to go to work and work hard every day to provide for us so I can choose to stay home with my sweet little ones. I want to give this post a resounding "Amen." Hooray for the amazing men who do so much, and for dependence in marriage (for both involved).
I'll give it an AMEN! I'd love to be "dependant" on a man. Not such a bad thing in my book. It by no means that you are lacking the ability to do it without him by any means, but why do alone what you can have a partner in?
I get what Delilah is saying though. It's awesome to be dependent on a man as long as things are going swimmingly. Of course it is. I don't think that's the time her mother was referring to. I think it's more about the times when divorce happens, or death, or disability, or some other unforeseen, life rocking event.
Delilah overgeneralized. Like so many things, in order to experience the joy (a good marriage in which each spouse needs the other) you accept the risks (the life-rocking events). I'll take the risk any day.
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