Awkward bird

My new job at church is serving with the Young Women, specifically those 14-15 years old.  That includes Emma so that's happy.  Otherwise, it is so far out of my comfort zone that I should be leaving a trail of bread crumbs to make it back to my comfort zone...

Last night we had a Halloween carnival at the church.  Halloween.  I don't like it.  Luckily none of my current neighbors decorate their yards garishly so that's helped me through the season.  I didn't dress up besides wearing a Jack Skellington t-shirt.  (Cormac asked me what I was going to be for Halloween and I told him about my t-shirt.  It feels like a big festive step for me.  Cormac kept asking, "But what are you going to be?"  He has a point.  I'm kind of lame.)

So everyone else was dressed up and then I realized who I was:  awkward new girl who didn't get the memo about Halloween.  It went sort of downhill from there.  I wasn't in on the planning so I didn't really know what was happening.  I tried to help a little but mostly the girls were doing stuff and the leaders were chatting with each other.  Except me.  Because I don't know anyone and they've all been friends for years.  Finally I gave up and sat down and started talking to a little girl that was about 10-11.  She was very adamant that she wanted to help with the fish pond.  The older girls were in charge of it and I suggested they may let her help and pretty soon she was behind the fish pond.  I admired her plus she was rocking her Elsa costume.

As the night wore on, I talked to a few people but I was vastly relieved when it was over and I could make my exit.

Ammon was at our house when I got home. (He was repairing the furnace.  It now works.  Ammon for president!)  I told him about the carnival and he said, "Yeah, I'm the same way."

And I realized he is.  Ammon is one of the best people I know (and not just because my furnace is currently running) and if I'm like him then I feel OK about that.

Later I told Adam I was awkward.  With his arms around me, which is my favorite place to be, he assured me that I wasn't awkward.  He said if I'd been going around breathing in peoples' ears, that would have been awkward.

It is nice to finally have things defined.  Now I know where the awkward line is and I can try to avoid it.

I don't know what the point of this is.  I guess we all can't and some of us don't.  And I should be OK with that because there it is.  Also, I may make friends eventually but in the meantime, I still have friends, they just aren't that close by, and we're having a Nevada Day party tonight. 

Life can't be bad when you're about to have a Nevada Day party.