It's probably a combination of let down after our trip, melancholy about Braeden graduating, Mark going to school next year, and flat out just missing my friends.
Whatever it is, I've been a little gloomy. Occasionally I look around and think, "Is this really my life?" It still feels surreal at times, almost like an essential part of things is missing.
That's change for you I guess.
The other day I was talking to Sue. She is my visiting teacher, the Young Women camp director and Emma's English teacher all rolled into one. I take advantage of each relationship I have with her. She is a wise and good listener. She loves to camp so she's in charge and I'm just going along and trying not to be grumpy. I also confided in her about the great abyss in my life that is caused by the local anemic library. (She's an English teacher, she gets it.)
She told me about the Orem library.
So Mark and I stopped by. That place is enormous! (The empty lot next to us sold. Adam talked to the new neighbors. They are moving here from Orem. I said, "But do they know about the library? Why would they leave Orem?!?) I immediately paid the non resident fee to gain a library card. Then I gathered an armful of books. I just haven't been reading as much as usual because I don't have a good source for free books. Armed with a new card and a seriously colossal collection of books in front of me, I felt better. I felt a little bit of restoration of basic Thelma-ness was happening.
While I was checking out my books, I saw I had missed a call. It was from Becky, who I haven't seen or talked to since last August. Surprised and delighted, I called her back. Becky lives in my old neighborhood. When we first moved into our house there, she came to visit me along with the Relief Society president. She has never been anything but kind to me. She has kids the ages of my kids. Her husband is legendary in our family for his scout leadership and general awesomeness. Becky and I were in bookclub together.
She's my friend.
I don't think I really appreciated that fact until after I'd chatted with her a few minutes in the library parking lot. She is interested in me. She wanted to know about my children. It's like every time I talk to Janet on the phone. I felt understood and connected and I felt this little reminder. Oh yeah, this is what it feels like to have a friend.
Because I don't really have friends here yet.
I tell myself (and it's mostly true) that I'm OK with that. I am busy. I am introverted. I don't want to force a friendship.
There are some women I know here that are kind and seem like people I could connect with, but it's a slow process for me.
In the meantime, I'm grateful for the reminders of friends I have. They are in the world. They care about me. Like having a library card to a good library, it feels restorative.